Embarrassed to introduce great new guy to my family

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
6393 posts
Bee Keeper

I know what you mean. I’ve had tons of boyfriends and I’m sure they thought “oh here comes another one”. Ultimately they’ll want you to be happy. You can introduce him AND take things slowly. You’re not marrying him this instant so you can be happy and chilled and enjoy his company with your friends and family as it suits. 

Post # 3
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I think you should introduce him and just take it slow. Do not move in within anyone or get married until your with them for about 3 years. Also you could do relationship counseling to make sure it is a right fit.

Post # 4
Member
6108 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

All you can do is just let them meet, and prove to them through your continued relationship that you’ve got it right this time. If it lasts, they’ll eventually see that their opinion about you is wrong.

Post # 5
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I think you should let them meet him. Christmas is still a good way off and if you’re still together then, it’s not like it’s someone you’ve just started dating. If you talk to them about him they might assume he’ll be like the others, but hopefully meeting them will allow them too to realise that he’s different!

Post # 6
Member
524 posts
Busy bee

While I don’t know them, I don’t think they’re ‘over you dating’. Your family likely just wants to see you with someone who treats you well. They don’t want you hurting! Don’t sabotage this relationship because of your past. You’ve learned from it, that’s what is important.

Post # 7
Member
8650 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you are being way too hard on yourself. You were married once, very young, and had one relationship that you wisely called off. That’s not exactly evidence you will never meet the right man or a reason not to invite a nice guy home for the holidays. 

Post # 8
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think am easy way to “introduce” your new gut to your family is to frequently talk to your family about him. Include him in phone calls or FaceTime conversations. Casually let your family know he’s a good guy by gradually easing into things. Then take him home for Christmas. If they already “know” him from conversations, phone calls, and you talking him up over the next several months, things should go smoothly. 

Post # 9
Member
6626 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

sortawaitingbee :  Do they expect you to marry every guy you date? The whole purpose of dating is to get to know people, weed out the ones you don’t want to spend more time with, and then from the ones you like spending time with, either keep seeing them or choose one to settle down with. If people married everyone they dated, there would really be no need for dating. You’d just say “we’d like to date, so therefore we will get married.” That’s not how it works.

If you’ve had two serious relationships and both were unpleasant, I say that means you need to date more, not less. More people, I mean. It sounds like you get too vested in one person too soon, then you stick with them because … “well, he’s my BF, so……”  No. Date a bunch of people. If one of them disrespects you or reveals a trait that you would not be able to live happily with for the rest of your life, stop seeing that person. The very first time. Don’t ask them to change, don’t secretly hope they’ll change, just take them out of the rotation. If you’re dating a few people, you’ll barely notice one is gone, and you can add a new one to make up for it. It doesn’t have to be a big dramatic ordeal. It’s not a failure to date someone for a while and then decide it’s not working. It’s only a failure if you continue dating them once you realize you’re not happy. If you realize you’re not happy and stop dating that guy, you’ve successfully made room for more happiness in your life. 

Has your family given you reason to believe they’re “over your dating” or is it possible that you’re projecting your own feelings onto them? (ETA: Your dad’s advice sounds like dadly advice to me, not a critique or proof that he’s “over” you dating. He wants to see you happy and that begins with knowing yourself and being happy with yourself and by yourself. My advice about dating a lot of people would actually come in AFTER you’re already happy with and by yourself, so I think your dad’s advice is sound.)

Post # 10
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

I think they’re probably encouraging you to be single because they feel like you get swept away in your romances and aren’t living up to your own potential, and because you’ve historically chosen the wrong guys and it sucks for them to see you with men who aren’t treating you well. However, if this one really is different, then you have nothing to worry about. They’ll like him because he’s different. They’ll be able to see that, I promise. 

I do relate though because, while I’ve never been married, I’ve dated a few jerks who I’ve introduced to my family. They’ve met 3 of my exes at this point, and it’s embarrassing in a way to have to explain each breakup – it does feel like a failure even though those relationships all ended for good reasons and I’m better off without them. I do worry slightly that when they meet my SO (we live across the country from my family) they’ll take our relationship less seriously because I’ve been in a number of serious relationships than if this was the first guy I was taking home. But whatever! Most of us don’t marry the first guy we bring home to mom, and that isn’t a big deal. The important thing is that you’re happy. In the end, they want the best for you, and if they see that this guy is adding to your life rather than being the drain that the others were, I think they’ll be supportive. 

Post # 12
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

sortawaitingbee :  How long have you been dating the new guy? And how old is he?

Two failed relationships is hardly a lot of “baggage”, you need to stop thinking of yourself that victim-minded way. Especially at 31! That’s pretty old to have had only two significant relationships, actually. You’ve hardly dated! Maybe your family is encouraging you to be single for a while because they think you too easily lose yourself in your relationships? Otherwise their position is totally illogical and you shouldn’t put any stock in what they’re saying.

If things are getting serious with your new boyfriend and you’re already planning to spend Christmas together, it’s time to start mentioning him to your family, like, yesterday. Depending on how long you’ve been dating, I think it’s disrespectful to your boyfriend not to have already mention him to your family. Stop worrying so much about what your mom and dad think, and focus more on what you and your partner want.

And yeah, if you refuse to introduce him to your family this Christmas that’s a pretty clear message that he is not a priority in your life. Your boyfriend should rightly start rethinking the relationship if his 31/32 year old girlfriend of 9+ months doesn’t want him to meet the parents. Super sketch.

Post # 14
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I think starting to talk about him so they get used to the idea of him is a good idea. Also if you can include him on phone calls as someone suggested. I live far from family, but my SO tries to talk to my parents on skype a little if I call them and he’s around. It definitely helps, even though they still barely know him.

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