Post # 1
I am ashamed to say this but Im embarrassed by my family. I love them dont get me wrong but honestly Im terrified of them showing up at my wedding and embarrassing me. I have a sister who pretty much acts like a know it all except she is always wrong. She also happens to think that any party, family reunion, or reception is an invitation to hit on every man she sees, and get totally trashed. I have another sister and she and her husband fight like crazy people (she found out during at a family funeral that he hit on her best friend, she threw his stuff in the parking lot of the funeral home and set it on fire for God and all to see) of course their still together. My brother just got out of jail for drugs. My other brother is only 18 and living with a woman who claims the baby she just had is his even though she still lives part time with her husband.
My mom(God Love her) cusses like a sailor most of the time. Usually though she does filter it around the rest of the family during special occassions. Then I have another brother who I really adore who lets his wife lead him around by the nose. She wont even let him visit our family unless she can get something out of it.
My mom told him about my engagement and he wants to come to the wedding. I wasnt going to invite him because 1.) We arent that close. 2.) His wife is hell on wheels. 3.) His wife called me and told me that if they get an invite that we must make accomodations for her grown handicapped son. I have never even met this woman and she called me out of the blue. Since they got married in secret we havent seen my brother or met his wife, except to get phone calls and crap from her about what she wants and what she needs. My dad died and she had his bank accounts closed and his money kept from him so he couldnt come to the funeral.
He really wants an invite and I am tentatively inviting my family. Maybe I just dont know. The rest of my aunts, uncles, cousins are great. It just seems that my immediate family is nuts.
Help. I want them to come but how can I tell them to be on their best behavior. I did try once to ask them to behave at another event and they got all offended and wouldnt speak to me for weeks because they said I was trying to act better than them. FYI my Fiance has not met my family because we live so far away. Im trying to get a meet and greet set up soon so he isnt shocked when he meets them for the first time at the wedding. I did tell him that they are all nuts.
Im used to them. I just let it roll off but some people arent prepared for this. His family on the other hand is calm and soft spoken.
Its like Jerry Springer meets the Queen of England family wedding.
What do I do?
Post # 3
I have an “interesting” family too although mine are interesting in other ways. Everyone behaved themselves (during the actual event) although there was some snottiness afterward.
Obviously it won’t work to tell them to cut the crap. Since they get all offended by it. I think all you can do is PRAY HARD, ration the liquor, be careful with how you do your seating chart, and keep it short and sweet. Maybe 3-4 hours for everything including ceremony – the longer you go, the more time and opportunity they have to blow up. If they act like children you have to plan around them like children and their short attention/behavior spans!
Post # 4
@Magdalena: I never really thought of them as children but I suppose I should start thinking of them like that. I want them to have a good time but I just dont want to constantly be worrying that someone is going to be inappropriate. It will ruin my day if I do.
I was thinking of 35 minute wedding. 2 and one half hours for the reception. That should hopefully keep them in check.
Post # 5
@TexasSpringBride: What should you do? Write a screenplay about your life, you would be highly sucessful. That scene outside of the funeral home alone is a goldmine!
Remember in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when the two families met? And how the crazy ones are able to pull the dry/stale ones out of their shell? And then they all had one big party of awesomeness? Maybe it’ll be like that! Just make sure your sister wears a chastity belt. 😉
Post # 6
I feel bad for you… (( HUGS ))
Sometimes Family sucks as we don’t get to choose them… I’m over 50 and a lot of my friends have similiar woes with their immediate families too… so you are not the only one who has problems at get-togethers / holidays / reunions and such
If you permit me a chuckle…
I think your closest Brother, probably figured it all out ahead of his Wedding which is WHY he and his wife went off and married in secret
Honestly, you might want to follow his lead… and do the same.
Elopements for a Destination Wedding can be awesome… you still get to have most of the great stuff that any wedding has for a couple, but you get to skip all the drama, and enjoy the Destination as well. It is what we are doing.
You can have AFTER wedding celebrations however you see fit… be it one Large Reception, Each Family seperately (you said they live in 2 different locations), and even something else with friends etc. These are ways to cut out some of the Drama (and potential embarassment)… things will run smoother when you “are in charge” of how things go
EDIT TO ADD – Your reference to the Queen of England’s Family… lol.
HRH ERII hasn’t been all that lucky with weddings & family events either… as she said so eloquently in her speach to mark her 40th Anniversary of Assension to the Throne back in 1992… it was truly an “Annus Horribilis” (Horrible Year) although a lot of folks think that as the Queen is a “smart cookie” she used the phrase due to its closeness to the one “Anus Horribilis” (or literally pain in the A&&) lol, one way to refer to alll the troubles that the Monarchy was having at the time with their extended family (Husbands & Wives of the Royals)
Post # 7
My family is bat shit crazy as well. Now that my mother has passed away in March (who was also, God love her, mildly crazy), there is no one in my family who I am NOT embarrassed by. My sister and her very ridiculously outpoken husband are avid pot smoking afficianados who live off of the welfare system with their 15 pets and have conspiracy theories about the government and religion and feel like everyone wants to hear their singing and instrument playing….and did I mention they are very outspoken?
This is one of the reasons I want to elope.
Post # 8
I made a post about me being embarassed by my sister a few weeks ago. A lot of bees gave some great advice and the most popular response was: it’s your wedding and invite who you want to invite. Just because they are family does not entitle them to go to your special day and most of them agreed that you don’t want or need the stress of them being there.
I’m still thinking about it and it is a hard decision but I hope it all works out for you! It really is sad and frustrating when your family and you are so different. 🙁 I feel for you. Either way your day will be amazing!
Post # 9
We seriously gave a thought to a destination wedding, with only our children. However his parents vetoed that idea. My mother is proud as a peacock for me having a wedding. I would choose a destination wedding if I could but Im pretty sure that if we did, someone would probably throw dog poo at our house. Seriously or worse.
I just want them to be calm. My sister does need a chastity belt. Thus far it hasnt really helped. She hit on a 8 time removed cousin before she realized we were related. Didnt really stop her. She just said they werent close so who would ever know they were related. My jaw hit the floor then.
I did decide not invite my brother but only because his wife is so damned annoying that I cant stand to be on the phone with her let alone be in the same room with her. She this week called me and asked what kind of arrangements would her disabled son be getting. (She wants him to have a private hotel room, plus a nurse in the area to be there in case he needs anything) like this is my responsibility.
I actually called my brother at his job and explained that I wasnt inviting him. She then called me later and said that I was a completely selfish bitch and its a good thing she doesnt let my brother associate with traitor family members.
Thats how it stands now. Sorry I havent posted responses sooner. Work is hectic and home is too. In laws are visiting so I havent had much time.
Wonder if I can trade my family in for some mutes?