Post # 1
So my husband and I got married in April. I’ve started a new job back March. So here’s where I have a problem. We both work completely different shifts. I work from 6:30am to 5:30pm Monday thru Thursday and he works 11:00am to 11:00pm. So by the time he gets home I am in bed.
When he started his new job on Saturdays he would sleep in and get and be in mostest moods. We would fight about the littles things. I just thought that is was because he was working a completely different shift from what she was use to. In June we went to a friends wedding and at the wedding he wanted to talk about all of our marriage problems. I told him was not the time or the place that we could talk about it at home. Needless to say he got ma. And started talking to all our friends and family at the wedding about me. So I had people coming up to the whole night asking me questions. Before the night was over he came up to me planted a big kiss on me. When I pulled away and said no I am upset with you. He started yelling at me and saying how I didn’t care about this married. He then tried to get people involved in the conversation. I left the building and went outside to talk with my Aunt.
Things got a little better for a couple weeks but then we have gone down hill again. in the past couple months he has said how we need to go to marriage counselling. Itold him why, we have been together 10 years before we got married. And never had any problem like this.
So for Labor Day we went away camping with family and friends. The first night we were there he upset my dad by saying something hateful and we had a huge fight about his attitude.
And the again last weekend we were at my Dad’s for the weekend. He bit my Dad’s head off because Dad asked him to gill cheese burgers. Once we got home Dad called and otl me that he thought Brandon has changed a lot since April.
I try and talk to him anshe just say ok.
What should I do?
Post # 3
@charliebear1613: He has asked for counseling, and I think it would be a good idea to try it. Clearly, he feels that something is wrong and wants some help. That’s never a bad thing (wanting help I mean). He could just give up or let it get worse, right? The counselor can help the both of you explore why his personality has undergone such a huge change in a short amount time. Maybe he doesn’t know how to talk about it on his own, and this is his way of asking for the help he needs.
Post # 4
If one person in the relationship wants to go to counseling, you both go PERIOD. He wants to go, so go. The therapist can help you figure out how much is due to sleep deprivation (sleeping off cycles can really mess with your head) and how much is an underlying issue that was simmering under the surface and the stress of mot seeing each other has caused it to bubble up.
Post # 5
He wants to solve these problems, he wants to work on things and in his eyes, you keep pushing him away.
Make time for each other, go to counselling, you love this man right? You’d do anything for him? Then go to counselling when he asks you too. He wants this to all stop just as much as you do.
Post # 6
Marriage / Couples Counselling always works best WHEN there are BOTH PARTIES there
If there is enough of a problem that one feels counselling is needed, then that person in very least needs to go on their own
As he is the one wanting this, it is up to you decide how important it is TO YOU to work on the issue.
If it is important, in so much as you care about this Marriage, then you OWE it to him to go
I am an Oldtimer (over 50)
And I read your whole post, and to me it looks like seeing as you’ve only been married since April you guys are facing “FIRST YEAR” Problems
Believe it or not, being Married is different from Dating, even different from Living Together
It sounds to me like he’s come to understand that concept
And perhaps be overwhelmed by it
OR else he had some preconceived ideas about Marriage, and now that he’s married, those “ideas” aren’t matching up with reality.
You guys need a “tune up” so you can get back on the same page…
Counselling is the way to do it
Good Luck (( HUGS ))
Post # 7
Thanks to everyone for the comments. I will talk to him again about going to counselling. If he still wants to go I will go. I do love him, that’s why I am so upset about everything.
I will so talk to him about “First Year”. Hopefully things will get better. Like I said after 10 years of being/ living together we have never had any problems like this.
If its me causing the problem than that needs to be fixed. But if it is something else then let’s fix it together.
Thanks again to everyone.
Post # 8
Any chance alcohol was involved at all in any of these incidences? Just a shot in the dark…but regardles sounds like there are some issues and resentments that are affecting his behavior. He said he wants to seek counseling and I dont’ think it’s a bad idea. Just stay strong! You can get past this.