- 7 years ago
Hi bees, I’m a regular poster here but wanted to go incognito for this.
Basically, I trust you ladies to give me advice and tell me like it is, and this is something I need advice on and I know I’m being stupid about, I just need that fact pounded into my head.
Fiance and I have never had sex. We’ve done everything up to third base but never done PIV sex because I am so. paranoid. about getting pregnant. It’s embarrassing really. Even when he climaxes from a handjob, I freak out and wonder if some errant drop of semen flew in the direction of my vag (hint: it never has) and I’m pregnant — and that worry continues daily until my next period.
I can’t use HBC because of other medical problems, and I wouldn’t want to anyway because I prefer not to mess with my cycle like that. I don’t trust barrier methods alone at all. And I don’t want to use spermicide in addition to a barrier because of the chance for irritation — I have a fairly sensitive constitution in general so I don’t even want to bother trying it. I don’t want to have invasive surgery to have my tubes tied, and Fiance doesn’t want to have a vasectomy (though we are childfree by choice, there is that 0.000005% of us that wants to keep the option available, at least for the next few years until we get more settled into our lives and see if our minds change — though I highly doubt it. A vasectomy is definitely in his future though).
The thing is, we WANT to have PIV sex. It’s been three years of only oral/manual and we’ve fallen into a boring routine. There’s only so much you can do to spice those things up, y’know? I don’t even enjoy it anymore. We literally do the exact same things, in the same order, every single time.
Through the hive here I’ve found out about FAM/charting, which sounds exactly like what we need. Completely natural and pretty much foolproof — and yet, for paranoid ol’ me, it still isn’t enough. Maybe it’s just leftover fearmongering from high school sex ed class, but I have it in my head that a woman can get pregnant ANY TIME EVER OMG, though science and logic obviously say otherwise.
So, here’s what I am thinking: I start charting. We have sex with condoms during my non-fertile times AND he pulls out every time (yes, I trust that he will do this), and during my fertile times we abstain completely and/or go back to just third basin’ it.
I’m paranoid enough to think that I can still get pregnant after all that, even though scientifically and logically I know I pretty much can’t. I know nothing is 100% foolproof aside from abstinence, but as far as efficacy goes, this combo of methods seems to be as good as one can get given my situation.
Ladies, tell me I’m being silly. Tell me if you think that’s enough to prevent pregnancy. In fact, tell me if you think it’s *not* enough, because I want to know that too. But I doubt anyone will say that.
Make me see logic here. I just want to have sex, dammit, haha.