(Closed) Embarrassing…Ring envy

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

lala32:  I know this is an old thread but I just wanted to add that I think buying imitation rings is a great way to get variety without breaking the bank and feed your want to bling.  It does not take away from the sentiment of what your original ering means to you nor your love for your Darling Husband.  I personally do not hold an emotional attachment to material possessions but love shiny things so will definitely be feeding my addiction this way as well.  If my hubby was sensitive, I would be consistent on wearing ering on nights out with him.  Also consider wearing the imitations on your right hand.

(I had an exact duplicate made of my original ering with CZ for travel and eventually I felt more comfortable wearing it as an everyday ring as I could be rough with it. The prongs on my original was delicate.  BTW… CZ as a solitaire is not as shiny.)

Post # 32
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I will post even though this is an old thread. There is nothing wrong (IMO) about having multiple rings. When my husband and I got together, we didn’t have a lot of money. We were both getting over having been divorced, we both have kids, car payments, mortgage, etc. So, he did not give me an engagement ring, we just agreed we were getting married. So, I have a PHENOMENAL wedding band. It is my dream wedding band. But, it was not until our 4th year of marriage that I finally got an “engagement” ring, if you can really call it that. It is a beautiful round diamond on a thin pave band. We got it at an amazing price. I actually picked it out and again.. he did not get on bended knee or anything or even call it an engagement ring. It was kind of a decision that I wanted one and so we got one. But, I prefer cushion, so this year I have gotten approval to add two cushion halos to it. In the meantime, my husband (who wasn’t a huge fan of his original wedding ring) has gotten a new custom made wedding band. It has black diamonds and myself and all of our kids have become huge fans of black diamonds. He gave the approval for me to also get a black diamond in a white gold and diamond halo ring so that I can also wear that sometimes and switch out. Meanwhile, about two years ago I fell in love with a morganite ring I saw with a diamond halo and had one custom made, I actually wear that with my wedding band as well. It just depends on my moods. I always wear my wedding band (unless going to the gym or working on something, then I have a stand in plain gold band), because it is the band that was ordained… but my “engagement” ring is whatever I feel like wearing that day. 

Post # 33
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

Everybody gets ring envy. I would just remember that someone has looked at your ring and been envious of it. 🙂

Post # 34
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m glad you had a change of heart OP! But I can see where you are coming from and I think it’s all territory of the “newly engaged”. I was exstatic when my Fiance proposed and we were spending the weekend at the beach, alone and the ring was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. For a few months after the proposal I started to NOTICE other people’s rings which I never had before and I admittedly got ring envy. I honestly couldn’t tell you the size, clarity, color or price of my ring because it has never been important for me to ask. But I know it’s smaller than a lot that I see. And for a while I was upset but never dared saying anything to Fiance. Although, entertained the thought of getting a slightly bigger center stone without his knowledge and then I realized how devastated he would be if he ever found out. From the time we talked about getting married I always told him that I didn’t care how big my ring was and that I didn’t WANT him spending thousands of dollars (beyond our means) on a piece of jewelry. Plus, his brother just got married last year and for the longest time his now-wife would give him print outs and stipulations of it needing to be AT LEAST a full ct. AT LEAST over $6,000 and AT LEAST a clarity of… blah blah. It disgusted me hearing that from her but I know we are different people and people are entitled to feel they should have an “at least” list. Not for me. My Fiance picked out my ring completely on his own and always said that’s exactly what he would do. I think it’s natural to have a little envy in the beginning when it’s all so new to us and we start seeing/noticing everyone else’s. I did the exact same thing after I bought my wedding dress… it was so exciting that I couldn’t stop looking at other designs and ended up second guessing my dress because I fixated on all the others.

However, everyone is entitled to their opinions or feelings. If someone wants to demand a certain ring, go ahead! If you aren’t happy and want to change your ring and your Fiance is ok with that, go ahead! At the end of the day, the ring is a ring. An object. Which can speak to both sides of this argument: It’s an object that I don’t like the looks of and if I want to change it because I will have it on my hand the rest of my life (hopefully), then that shouldn’t reflect how I feel about my husband. OR, it’s just an object and it’s size doesn’t measure the amount of love you and your husband have for each other and wanting a bigger/different one is putting a piece of jewelry above the feelings and respect of husband. It’s all in what works best for you and your life. Don’t be embarrassed of how you feel, you are entitled to feel whatever you feel.

Post # 35
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Maybe your friends big rings are CZ’s in reality and they are suffering frm the same issue, so unless you really know that their rings are real diamonds and not CZ’s. Just love the ring you have in the end that is not really what matters. Our society has become so materialistic that it makes me want to vent about it constantly. Just because a man buys a woman a bigger diamond ring does not mean he values her more, men brains are not programmed to think this way. Women however, equate diamond size automatically to how much value her husband places on her. Quality is more important than size, your ring may be smaller but it may be of better quality. I have friends who have two-three kids and stopped wearing their engagement rings because their fingers got bigger or they are busy with Mommy stuff around the house…so in the end years from now the size of your diamond will be the last thing on your mind. 

lala32:  

Post # 36
Member
3113 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

The thing I tell everyone (because I’ve been there) is just wait until you are married before making too many decisions on upgrading. When we are in the wedding world and on the forums we think about all things wedding and we see ring pictures constantly, it’s on our minds. We look at rings on strangers, we compare. Then we get married and over time it seems less important, the less we are in that wedding world. At least that’s what happened with me. I was married before when I was in my early 20s and I was obsessed with my ring and always comparing it, my diamond was only .33 carat so it was genuinely smaller than average but after the wedding I really stopped worrying about it, I ended up wearing my band alone often. Now I’m divorced and in a serious relationship and at the point of discussing engagement and he has asked what kind of ring I want and have tried some on and guess what? I’m ring obsessed again!! Suddenly I can’t stop checking out rings and wondering what size they are and comparing myself to my friends…and I know it’s ridiculous! long story short, give it time before making any serious decisions. Btw your ring sounds lovely and plenty big! 

Post # 37
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

I’ll throw in. This is what gets me about the ring envy posts. Some woman looks around, sees these big rocks on peoples fingers and feels inferior somehow. Or something. I don’t even know what. They look at big-rock-girl and think *why can’t I have what she has?*

Which is absolutely bizarre because you have no idea what it is that she does have. Other than a big-ass ring. Why not find about 10 couples who have been happily and successfully married for at least 30 years and check out the size of their rings? I mean, isn’t that what you want to aspire to, ultimately? To be engaged to – and then successfully and happily married to – someone who is going to make you happy for the rest of your life? How does the ring size even factor in to that equations in any way?

Post # 38
Member
9346 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

interchangeable:  I usually try not to bump old threads, but I completely and totally agree.

What makes me sad about it too is that so many women with “ring envy” who want an upgrade(s) were 110% happy with their ring when they first got it and then only after comparing theirs to all these pics here do they feel like its not good enough. Comparison truly is the thief of joy.

Post # 39
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

Just to point out… I think that a lot of people are “____ enthusiasts.” They love to research, admire, and collect/upgrade. My dad and brother do it with music equipment; my boyfriend does it with cars; I do it with jewelry. I think some people are like this with rings just because it’s their thing.   I was glad to read that OP took some reflection time to figure out her priorities… I think that’s what’s really important, to realize where the desire to change is coming from and to consciously decide whether to take action on that desire or to let it go and focus on appreciating on what you have. 

Post # 40
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

I do not wear my original eng ring. It is very outdated and small and I picked it out, it was not a formal proposal. I never wear it anymore. My spouse is not into romantic stuff or jewelry even tho he kinda pretends to be. So, I see nothing wrong with wearing whatever you want on your wedding finger. It all comes down to commitment and keeping a ring on your hand. As far as CZ’s, I have worn them, very very nice ones in gold. They are great for travel, the beach, or gym. Nothing wrong with that. And your relatives who are older wearing other rings? Who cares?  I have after many years of marriage and more money. If your spouse truly loves you, he won’t care because you are doing something that makes you happy. Also, if you are worried about conflict diamonds, wear a euro cut or old mine cut. They are very old and rare. I have an aqua stone and also a set with an old mine cut. Don’t worry about it. And maybe you can reset your ring to a new style. Eh, to me after all these years I have fun wearing different rings and I will never get rid of my original eng ring. I have daughters to leave it to. Good luck. Quit sweating it, I have. 

Post # 41
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I don’t have much to contribute except for that I never liked big huge diamond rings and asked my fiancé not to get me anything that was more than 100. I’ve always been a bit pragmatic though.

My ring was 37€ and is a sterling silver setting. I absolutely love it, but no one’s gonna be jealous of it. Except my Mother-In-Law, because she likes the alexandrite (it changes colour in different lighting :))

So, relax. If you like having a bunch of nice and fancy rings, you do you. If not, I’m sure no one’s gonna judge. And if anyone’s gonna judge, well that doesn’t speak for that person’s character, does it?

 

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