(Closed) EMERGENCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D:

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@jarretsgirl: What are you fighting over?

Have you thought about pre-marital counseling? It sounds like you need to learn how to communicate with each other in a mature and non-fighting way.

What happened last night? What is he talking to his friends about that he’s not talking with you about?

Post # 4
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

I second KatNYC2011 without any additional information it’s hard to help. Sorry you’re having a hard time. Please update us!

Post # 7
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

This is the person you are planning on spending THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with. You need to able to speak openly with each other.

If something is bothering you, talk to him about it. If something is bothering him, let him talk and listen.

If you can’t do pre-marital counseling, maybe you should each get a copy of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and work through the exercises together. If you are already talking every night, then this could help frame your conversations and help work towards strengthening your relationship.

It sounds like there may be some maturity level issues on both sides and living together may not solve these problems, it may actually make them worse. So it’s important to really work on yourselves as well as your relationship with each other. It’s ok for him to talk to his friends about issues he has, as long as he isn’t disclosing personal relationship information with him. It’s also ok for you to have a life/be busy during the day and not always be able to be at his beck and call whenever he texts.

Post # 8
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@jarretsgirl: I’m also still not 100% sure I understand what the problem is. What are you trying to say that he won’t listen to?

Post # 9
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

This might not be the best advice, but I’m going to give it anyway… If he feels like the relationship is over, you shouldn’t beat yourself up and let it consume you.  He’s going to leave if he wants to.  It takes two people to be in a relationship, so would you really want to continue dating someone who has checked out of trying?

Also, if he’s getting mad because you don’t text him back right away when you’re at the chiropractor’s, that’s just weird.  He should know you have other things to do during the day.  It’s also pretty immature that he gets mad at you for really little things, like dying your hair lighter, so there’s definitely more to the story here.

You’re really young, and long distance relationships can be extremely difficult.  But if you’re fighting over really stupid stuff and you’re both letting things blow out of proportion, I think that’s a maturity and communication issue.  However, I would be weary of moving half way across the country for a guy who seems like he has some anger issues.

 

Post # 12
Member
5788 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

You should be able to talk to the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with about your family issues. You two are going to be a team and you need to be able to lean on eachother. I can see why he would be upset about that. Also, saying “I didn’t do anything wrong” is not going to help resolve any issues. I find that rarely is one of us blameless when Darling Husband and I argue so its probably not true for you either. If you want to work on your relationship you need to acknowledge how you are contributing to your issues.

The cell phone thing is dumb and immature. Sounds like he’s frustrated by the long distance and is lashing out.

Post # 13
Hostess
18641 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It seems like you two really need to work on your communication.  My husband and I were in a LDR for a while and it really really depends on communication.  You need to talk to him and tell him that you feel like he doesn’t want to tell you what goes on his life and instead tells his friends.  I would be wary of moving across the country to live with him when you two are on shakey ground.  Especially since this isn’t the best economy to pick up and leave without having a job.

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you want this to work, you really have to work on communication NOW. LDRs are hard but they are no excuse for lashing out at each other, hanging up on each other, and fighting.

Darling Husband and I have had to do long distance a few times, and once we were even in different countries with a 5 hour time difference.

To make an LDR work you really have to be able to communicate effectively and have good give and take.

It’s also very important to have things that you each enjoy doing on your own or else the days without each other get very long and lonely and all you can do when you talk to each other is be down and b*tch.

Post # 15
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Being apart can tell you a lot about your relationship– if you can communicate effectively apart then you’ll be a lot better at expressing your needs and feelings when you’re together.  

I don’t mean to sound rude, but a lot of your fights sound immature and petty from the way you’ve described them.  Ignoring someone isn’t the way to fix a problem.  Hounding someone who doesn’t want to talk is immature– though why wouldn’t you tell your partner what you’re feeling? I can understand his frustration, but he also should have dropped it.  

What is really bothering you? Is it that he doesn’t tell you enough about his problems? Maybe he wants to talk to you about happy and nice things when you’re not around. Maybe he has a close friend who he uses to vent– that’s okay!

You say you don’t like fighting a lot– what starts the fights? Do you misunderstand one another and it blows up? Is one of you being over-sensitive? In my experience “we just fight a lot” was something I had in high school relationships, where we were both too immature to understand our feelings and express them effectively.  

I think you need to really examine what is making you upset. 

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