- 5 years ago
I have an older brother that I was very close with about 4 years ago (and all through childhood). We were best friends, actually, and always the envy of others who wished they had such a close sibling relationship.
In the last few years, our relationship has deteriorated to the point that we don’t talk much anymore. In a nutshell, he got married to a woman I didn’t like from the get-go (I think I was jealous of her, in hindsight), had a baby with her and then, they got divorced.
Over the last few years, he has accused me of not spending enough time with his son. As a result, I’ve been trying to visit his son every week. But my brother is still furious with me, it seems. He’s rude to me, seems very uncomfortable around me and brings the mood down whenever I’m around. I have a feeling it’s because he feels I haven’t been there for him during his divorce, and there’s a part of him that’s so upset/jealous that I’m getting married (and super happy) while he’s reeling from a divorce. When I sent him an invitation to our small civil wedding (preceding the larger one), he said he would come but he couldn’t believe we were doing it so close to his anniversary date, and in the same city where he proposed. I had also asked him to help with a slideshow, and he said that was something he had never gotten help with for his wedding. (So, we nixed the slideshow and I’m not asking him for anything else.)
There are a couple of things that are making me upset — I ran around sooooo much for his wedding for about 2 months, and he hasn’t offered to help at all with mine. He is always long-faced around me, and I’m worried on my happy day, I’ll look over and see his face and it will bring me down/make me emotional. And of course, on a very deep level, the state of our relationship really upsets me. So much so, that I have nightmares about it where I’m yelling at him. : / It upsets me so much, that on such a big day, someone I considered a best friend at one time is not at all a part of it.
I’m not sure about the best way to handle the situation. I’m not angry with him anymore, but I get emotional when I think about the situation. I’ve tried to make amends many times, telling him to stop by, asking him what was wrong, but he doesn’t seem to want to talk about it.
At the last family gathering this weekend, of course, the wedding came up. He left the room and was sitting in the kitchen by himself. (By the way, we’re both in our mid-thirties, so I would have hoped by now, we would figure out a way to communicate and fix this wierd situation.) Sometimes, when I see him, he talks to me and tries to make conversation, but it’s always one step forward, two steps backwards.
Just feeling glum about the whole thing. : /