(Closed) Emotional about brother before wedding day… : /

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee

@36goldfish:  I would invite him out to lunch and tell him how much you truly love him. Don’t frame it around how he has been acting. That might make him defensive. Just try again to get heartfelt. Try to bring up some of the old times maybe.

It sounds like he is going through a really rough patch.

Post # 4
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was in the same boat.   I haven’t spoken to my brother in over 5 years.  even when he comes around to drop off the kids at my parents it’s just a hi.    He has disowned my family, it’s a long story…… But I invited him anyway, he didnt RSVP and just showed up and when he came over to me after the ceremony I just startd bawling my eyes out.   It was weird and awkward and even though we don’t talk, I really miss having my brother.  I’m surprised he came.  

Post # 6
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It sounds like your brother is deeply depressed and struggling. When someone is completely wrapped up in their own unhappiness, everything in the world becomes about them (hence the completely unreasonable snipe about it being close to his anniversary date, as if he owns not only that date, but every date anywhere close to it as well).

I think you might feel better about this if you stopped interpreting his behaviour as a reproach against you for past actions (which don’t really sound that awful, btw), and started seeing it as a manifestation of his own internal struggles.

Maybe it would help to talk about this with your parents and see if maybe you could all sit him down and convince him to get screened for depression. 

Post # 9
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m upset about my brother too. Our relationship has deteriorated to nothing, but I don’t think either of us is to blame. He is schziophrenic now. It was so shocking. He is 21 and was “normal” up until a year or two ago. I cannot believe he is my brother. He rants and raves. He is so cold-hearted now. He is paranoid like you wouldn’t believe. He believes he wrote the Transformers movie and was never paid for it, thinks his ex gf tells the preisdent what to wear to piss him off, is convinced Emma Watson is in love with him, and believes my me and my SO betrayed him to the Russians.

It’s absolutely not funny, and some people laugh at the things he says and thinks. It is horrible and he’s tormented, but I can’t have a relationship with him. He is volatile now. He won’t be at my wedding and that really saddens me. I worry he’ll commit suicide someday. He isn’t on meds. Unlike what most people think, we can’t force him to get help. It isn’t a crime to be an unmedicated schizoprhenic.

Our mother is schizophrenic too. I always had a fear that I would become schizophrenic someday like her. It caught me off guard when it struck my brother…

Sorry I didn’t help you, btw. Just wanted to say something about my brother.

Post # 12
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@bunnyharriet:  I’m so sorry to hear about what your family is going through. It must be heartbreaking.

Post # 13
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@36goldfish:  

@geekspice:  Thanks. When I first got wind that he was acting odd, I was so scared he was becoming schizophrenic. He smoked a lot of pot for years, and weed has been linked to psychotic breaks, especially in people with schizophrenic relatives. I had even warned him multiple times in the previous years that he needs to quit smoking weed because of our genes. I remember asking him, “Do you wanna end up like mom someday?” He laughed and said that would never happen. He is like a drifter and sleeps on couches. SO and I invited him to stay with us and he was with us for a couple months. They were the longest two months of my life. He would “argue” and fight with the “men in black”. He would literally scream at them. It was scary and heartbreaking, and it drove me insane. I was relieved when he left, and I’ve had to try to distance myself from him emotionally, even though it’s hard. But I’m obviously not the victim in this. He is. He is so tormented.

Post # 14
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@36goldfish:  it is very difficult realizing I no longer really have a brother.  As with you, my brother totally changed after he met his “wife”.  this evil beyatch has ruined his life, and the kids lives.   He just can’t see it.   It’s such a soap opera of a story…. Its a situation that you would only think happens on TV it’s so bizarre.   It is all because of this witch that he married and had kids with.   If I told you the whole story you wouldn’t even believe me about all the sh*t that happens.

i feel your pain and I know it’s hard, at the end of the day, he is still my brother that I hope will come back to reality one day.  As hard as it is, my family and I still try to include him in family things because we want him to know that regardless of his mistakes, we are still there for him.  That way in case he ever decides to leave her for good, he still has his family to turn to and we don’t want him to think he has nobody.  Plus, we are doing it for the kids too.

Post # 16
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@36goldfish:  awwww I hear you!!!  There’s really nothing that can be done to change him or his situation right now so my only advice is for you and your family to just be there for him and continue to let him know your door is always open and you still love him.  Doesn’t mean you have to tell him you agree with his decisions etc, but at this point it’s all in his hands.  

 

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