- 5 years ago
Hi girls. I’m back with a bigger and more important question – is this emotional abuse? I’ll try to give you as many details as I can. Please help me sort things out, and share any similiar experiences that you have. I am feeling very overwhelmed.
Ever since we started dating, there have been red flags. It started out small with comments of me being close-minded in regards to my diet, activities, etc. So, I tried new things and if I wasn’t good, his negative attitude towards me was very frustrating – something along the lines “why can’t you do anything right?”
He would brag about our relationship to others, saying we never had problems or fights, and every time, I would just think about how I tried so hard to avoid these conflicts with him, or otherwise, we would probably have problems. I’ve always had an unsettled feeling when I am around him – like being careful, editing my thoughts, trying to see things his way first to avoid conflict. I assumed this was just because I dislike confrontation, but I now realize there was a bigger problem. We’ve gone through a few break-ups in the past, and there was never a reason other than I did not feel happy. He assumed I was going through a crazy phase each time. I think I may have been going through common-sense phases, though.
Now, we live together. It seems like I’m walking on eggshells not to upset him because I feel like he’s becoming increasingly critical of me, and how I do things, and what I do. When he tries to correct me – driving, cooking, cleaning, getting ready, etc. – I have started just sarcastically saying okay, and I know this doesn’t help, but I don’t know what else to do anymore. Then, he calls me negative and says I should get into a good mood, so I don’t bring him down. This goes hand-in-hand with the close-minded thing. No one else agrees.
Day-to-day, I feel like he shows no interest in my life. Doesn’t even ask me questions about how I am doing. He also gets a short temper and snaps at me often, always over silly things. These are things that most couples would NEVER fight about. Like pumpkin carving, the list of recorded tv shows, or wrong turns. Everything needs to go his way, or it’s my fault. I am always on guard to make sure I don’t make mistakes, and it is exhausting! I have always been one to assume responsibility, so I thought it was just me, but it isn’t.
I admit that I read some websites on emotional abuse last night, and I was scared about how many things on the lists I identified with. So, I talked to my mom and sister about it, and my mom said that both of my parents have noticed things that have worried them. They didn’t say anything about it because I am an adult and they trust me to make my own decisions. Well, I wish they would have spoken up because it has been hard for me to pinpoint a “problem,” and now I’m realizing that it just may be his character. I always assumed my family liked him, so I really thought I wasn’t thinking clearly. My sister said she knows his attitude is “my way or the highway,” and she thinks I deserve better.
So, what do I do? We are planning a wedding for next summer. Once, I heard a quote about much of your happiness in life depends on the person you choose to marry. Well, I won’t have a happy life then. My heart is telling me that this is not the right relationship for me to pursue, and I am sure many of you will agree with that after reading this. I do not know how to have this very hard conversation with him. Any help or insight or shared experiences will be appreciated.