(Closed) Emotional affair trouble ? Marriage panic

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@Scar_cats_tic:  The sad thing is, it sounds like her SO isn’t the type who would be likely to cheat. The whole situation is so unfair:(

Post # 34
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Why do you want to marry Mr. Safe but boring? Do you feel like he is decent enough and you are worried that nothing better will come along? Do you feel like “it time” to get married or you are getting too old? Do you feel like all marriages are boring, so why not marry this guy because he is nice enough?

I think your gut is telling you not to marry this guy and you are doing risky things to blow up your relationship. That way you don’t have to be the mature bad guy, you can just claim “whoops, I didn’t mean for that to happen”.

Grow-up, be a decent human being and tell your Fiance that you are having an emotional affair and you realize you arent ready for marriage. 

Post # 35
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@bklynbridetobe:  I thought the same thing, but what the heck? We could be wrong. 

Post # 37
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@Leosagg:  That’s great to hear:) I wish you all the best.

Post # 38
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think its normal to get “crushes” on people here and there, but you are really crossing a line.

I might find other people attractive, but I wouldn’t cross this boundary line with my Fiance. I think most of the other women on here would agree. Its just not healthy and really says something about your relationship.

This is just no good… stop. And if you feel you can’t or you just start doing it again with someone else – don’t marry your Fiance.

Post # 39
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

I think you need to be honest with yourself and decide if you can actually committ to a lifetime with this guy. While he might seem great on paper (there typically are quite a few) – you need to know if you love this guy and are attracted to him, not just a person who is great to settle with (totally not fair on your fiance). Figure this out before you make a very expensive mistake and regret it.

My advice is stay away from this married man. He knows what he is doing and this is completely unfair to your fiance and that man’s family.

Post # 40
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Stop seeing the married man… AND break up with your fiance. You don’t sound like someone who should be getting married. 

Post # 41
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

This has been said before, but since you asked, I’ll repeat.

This is a bad situation. You KNOW this is a bad situation because you’ve said it yourself. Everyone involved deserves more. You deserve an available man who is available to you mind, body and soul – as well as someone who excites you more than your “safe” man. Your fiance deserves a woman who will love him whole-heartedly and who will not be on the lookout for someone better. Your friend deserves all of the above. And your friend’s wife deserves a faithful husband!

So. My advice? Call of the engagement and distance yourself from your friend until (IF) he leaves his wife. 

Post # 42
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Leosagg:  It’s not worth the heartache. My parents are divorced because there was a third party. There’s always going to be collateral damage – his wife, your fiance, his kids (if he has any)

Perhaps if you distance yourself from this friend and find that you miss him alot and can’t stop thinking about him, then the answer is clear: that you probably should call off the wedding because your fiance isn’t the one (i’m not saying that your friend is). Its better to end it now then to marry him and 10 years, 2 kids later, your marriage ends up in divorce.

I truly believe you can find the right one who is kind, makes you smile and also excites you. Thats the person you want to spend the rest of your life growing old with.

Post # 44
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@Charlotte2013:  +1 you shouldnt be getting married. You are already jeopardizing your relationship and future marriage. Not a bad person, but you just need to let go of it to protect your current Fiance.

The other man also wont leave his wife, so he will end up breaking it off with you if you don’t break it off. 

Post # 45
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

Im going to be honest, I understand. I love attention and flirting and I used to love pushing the boundries, the danger, the excitement. In old relationships I used to do things that and end up kinda regretting my actions and kinds like well hell I had a good time. 

My Fiance is the only man who has ever made me behave, lol!! I love him so much and hes my best friend and when I think about flirting or attention seeking now now all I have to do is think of him and know its just not worthfit. He provides me with excitement and its scary how id do anything for him – Bonnie and Clyde!!!

I’d sit down with you Fiance and tell him (in a soft way) all of this. IMO honesty is crucial to a relationship and once youve told him maybe some of that excitemement that comes from having a secret will fizzle out. His reaction and your reaction will make it so much easier  to know what to do.

Post # 46
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

I think this is a bit of pre-wedding cold feet, tbh. I would take a BIG step back from this friendship and just get on with your wedding planning. I wouldn’t tell your fiance or give this crush any more attention than it deserves. Honestly, I think that many people get this sort of thing from time to time: the trick is to just see it for what it is rather than building it up. I do think that you have stepped over the line, but please do stop this now, as it could easily develop into something more if you let it continue.

My guess is also that this man is the type to develop these crush/friendship/pretend ‘affairs’ and enjoys the thrill of the ‘chase’ in a pretend sort of way. I think in a few months, you will look back and not get what you ‘saw’ in him!

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