- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
This weekend, we talked about how my Fiance says he’s excited about the wedding (and I believe him), but he’s not great about conveying that. He’s waist-high in job stress as he’s trying to get a new job in a very competitive field and it’s demanding. I understand that. I help him fill out applications, ask about the status of things, keep track of his fifty-gazillion interview dates, etc. He’s told me more than once that he couldn’t do it without me. I explained that the wedding planning is my equivalent of his job stuff. Getting married to him is my dream come true (much like getting this job would be a huge dream come true for him). I want him to show interest, ask me about it unprompted, seem excited to go do wedding related stuff, etc.
Shortly after that conversation, I asked to go look at wedding bands. Fiance agreed. We went to the store where we have a credit account and where he bought my ering. We will pay it off before the wedding but need to use credit for the rings now as we need our cash right now for wedding balance payments that are due very soon. Anyway, he wanted to make sure that we had enough room in our limit to pay for the rings. The internet on his phone was being ridiculous, so it took him forever to download the info. So, the whole time I’m looking at rings, he’s looking at his phone. I knew what he was doing and understood why, but I wanted him engaged in the experience. I ended up just stopping after 3 rings because I felt like an idiot having to get his attention to get him to look at the ring. I don’t know, kind of like “hey, will you please buy me this???” I just didn’t feel like part of a couple excited to pick out the bride’s wedding band. I felt like a pushy girl trying to talk her uninterested guy into buying her something.
We talked about it later. He was frustrated because he felt like he was trying to make sure I could have what I wanted. I told him that I understood that, but I wouldn’t have asked him to make any final decisions about purchasing a ring yesterday anyway. I wanted the experience of picking out something together. I wanted “hey, honey, what about this one? you mentioned you liked this kind. Want to try it on.” I know I can’t write a script in my head and expect for him to follow it, I just wanted to feel all warm and fuzzy picking out a ring together that I will wear for the rest of my life. Instead, I just felt like I was engaged and he wasn’t.
Argh. He swears that I will still get a ring shopping experience and he’ll be engaged. I told him that I don’t want to have to bring it up. I’d like him to suggest it the next time we go shopping. We’re getting married in April and my finger is freakishly small so it seems to take about 6-8 weeks from this place to get it in. So, we can’t wait too long. I’m trying to just let it go for now, and, if he hasn’t brought it up by mid-January, to raise the issue again.
Ok, I just had to admit that I was a bit over emotional and illogical about the whole thing. Can anyone assure me that they’ve had a minor melt down about something somewhat stupid too??