- 5 years ago
So I’m not new to the Bee, but I write on here quite a bit and decided to go incognito for this post. A little background on my situation first though. My SO and I have been dating almost three years and living together for almost two years. We had a few bumps in the road last year, when we were adjusting to living together, but we got over those. And this year has been great, or at least it was up until last night.
We were sitting on the couch watching Four Weddings, when I playfully took my SO’s phone. I was picking at him and telling him I was going to bust him on the girls he was texting behind my back. Of course I didn’t mean this literally and was joking around with him, when I saw it. His ex girlfriend’s name was in his phone. I clicked on their convo and found they had been talking. No big deal as I never cared if he talked to her as long as she knew they weren’t getting back together. The beginning, everything was fine. He asked her how she was, they talked about what they were doing now. Basically it was just some small talk. Then I kept reading and got to the part where she asked him about me.
Now I know she doesn’t like me. I was the girl he started dating after she cheated on him for the hundredth time. And I was also the reason she was never able to con him into coming back to her again. Anyway, so she asked him about me and he told her we were still together. But, he then mentioned that he was looking for someone new. That he didn’t see himself being with me long term and he thought maybe he wanted to be in a polyamorous situation. Now I knew that his ex was all for that, so my heart sank.
I didn’t even bother to read on at this point as I read what I needed to see. I confronted him about it, asked him if there was anything I needed to know. He said no. I told him he was lying and then told him I’d read the text messages. He then started crying, told me he was just saying that stuff to get her to ask for him back so he could tell her no and hurt her as much as she hurt him in the past. I told him either way it was petty and stupid, and it ended up hurting me. I told him I was done, that I needed to go, and that I deserved better than this. I then got online and started looking for work in my hometown pronto.
He asked me to think about things, to reconsider, since everything was so raw. I told him I would think, but I hated him for this and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t good enough. We had just went to go look at rings this weekend, and he pulled this crap on me. I didn’t get it. He said it was an ego boost/revenge and he needed help. He told me in the past he wanted to go to couples counseling, but I kept putting it off. He told me that he really thought we needed it now, but I told him I didn’t need help. This was his mess, not mine, and now it was costing him his relationship. I barely slept last night and although I want to forgive him because I love him. I don’t trust that it won’t happen again. I consider what he did to be borderline cheating at worst, and a complete emotional betrayal at best. He keeps apologizing, saying he wants to go to counseling, etc. but I don’t even know if I want that. He shattered my reality, my future that was us, and everything that was going right. And why? Just so he could feel better about himself he claims. And now I don’t even know what to do.