(Closed) Emotional Blackmail from Parents

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think you can mend the relationship with your parents, they have to mend it.  

I will never understand the grip that religion has over folks.

Unless you’re going to cater to them just do what you want and let them come to you.  If they don’t, their loss, but you can’t bend over backwards to acomodate them adn thier beliefs.

I’m sorry you’re in this mess.

Post # 4
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Have you explained to them that their religion is not your religion?

When I was having extreme problems with my family, I saw a family therapist (by myself). She helped me accept that my family expected me to put them before myself or my Fiance, and come to terms with how I couldn’t do that.

Post # 6
4114 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m sorry I’m not very knowledgeable about Islamic ceremonies/rules – but would it be possible to do two ceremonies? one Islamic ceremony and one “your way”? 

Post # 9
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@NadiaN:  I don’t even think you should do two ceremonies; I think you only should do the one you want. Even considering the idea means allowing your parents to continue to have control over you and your life – not to mention that your Fiance would have to ‘convert’. Then, the headache with everything THEY would want to control for your wedding… and then your KIDS….

Honestly, I know that you love your parents, but I think you need to consider your own well-being first and foremost. Just because they’re your parents doesn’t mean you have to give in. Please do only what makes sense for YOU and your Fiance.

Post # 10
1339 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@NadiaN:  I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.

This actually happened to one of my good friends, only she was a child of religious jews. Her parents disowned her as well.

She had the wedding on a Sunday so her parents could attend, and sent them an invitation – they did not attend.

Her father ended up trying to mend their VERY broken relationship and reaching out to her. They were doing better for a little, until she got pregnant. Her father kept up, but her mother… distanced herself once again. Didn’t respond to the sonograms they sent them, refused to get on the phone to talk to her, etc.

She had a beautiful baby, and shockingly, her parents came to visit their first grandchild.

I personally think in this case, you need to go through with the wedding you feel is right for you. I’d like to hope eventually they’ll get over it.

Post # 13
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Wow, that’s a tough situation. I don’t think there is much you can do. If they feel this way they most likely wont attend the wedding, but hopefully after they will ease up on the situation. I really wish the best for you. You never know what can happen.

Post # 14
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@NadiaN:  this might not be the most adult way to deal with it but call there bluff 


they should love you and know your a good person no matter what you believe and know its wrong to force someone to take on a religion they do not believe in (making him convert makes a mockery of their faith if they know he does not mean it) 

I would tell them forcing someone to say they believe in something they don’t is mocking it and tell them he and you both respect the muslim faith enough not to make a mockery of it


if they are trying t push ur buttons i think maybe a little taste of their own actions ight be the only thing that wil wake them up to the fact they might miss their daugher wedding 


tell them if they can’t be supportive of your wedidng and show up, how can they expect to be in your kids lifes one day, tell them how insulted your husband would be they sound old fashion like the kinda people who the wife must respect her husband and do as he wishes…. remind them that if they snub him in such a way he might not want them in your life later (idle of course clearly they are form a different time but it might shake them up enough to be supportive)

Post # 15
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

You have nothing to feel guilty about, so don’t let the guilt trip work. If they want to come to your wedding and maintain a close relationship with you then they need to at least attempt to understand where you are coming from.

Religion is so very personal and you and your Fiance should not be pushed into doing anything. Disagreeing with your family on this issue is no cause to feel guilty. My advice would be to deal with your parents with an open mind and request that they do they same, if they can’t then it’s no fault of your own.

Post # 16
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
@NadiaN:  my cousin (Latino Catholic) married a Muslim woman. Her family disowned her and refused to meet him. He didn’t convert but he did learn to speak Arabic and observes Ramadan with her. Still the parents shut them out. But when she got pregnant a year into the marriage the parents forgave her and now we see them often and the two grandmas of the baby are very close. 

So all that is to say I think you should stick to what is right for you and your Fiance. Tell your parents that you would like them to pray for God to show them his will, not just for you to change your mind. Then let them be stubborn if they must it will be very hurtful but they may come around eventually when they see you married a good man. 

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