- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
Im going to apologize first if this is confusing and a little bit long.. I am really really struggling as a bride, but more importantly as a daughter and I really truly need the help and advise of all of the other brides out there.
Okkk here is a little backgound::
My parents were divorced when I was little, maybe 2 or 3 years old. My father (Billy) was really out of control and my mother felt that things would be better for both of us if she and him were divorced. My father struggled with drugs and alcohol and was in and out of jail for numerous DUI’s and other reckless behavior. Although my father was irresponsible and at the mercy of addiction there is no doubt in my mind that he did really care about us, but just couldnt pull himself and his life together at that point to do the right thing. For a long time this was something that really bothered me, but eventually I found peace with: mostly because fast forward to when I was 6, my mom met and married my step-father, Chris.
In the midst of my mothers and my chaotic life, we were living with my grandparents, my mom working full time and my father so far out of control I really never saw him, and when I did I remember being a little scared. Anyway–
Chris comes along, like a breath of fresh air and wants to take care of us, he comes from a strong family like my mom does and is constantly working hard to make sure we never, ever had to go without. They got married right away and never looked back. I never thought twice about it, and after a few years actually realized that I ended up with a “father” who was 100 times the man my biological dad was capable of being at that point in time. Chris has been supportive, loving and the most generous person I have ever met, he works so so so hard to make sure we have an incredible life filled with vacations, toys, great dinners, basically anything fun that we can all do together to be with eachother. He welcomed Wayne, my future husband into our lives, like a son of his own (which means more than he will even ever know to Wayne, because his own father is a disaster as well, and more than anything he wanted a man to look up to- and got it with Chris.)
In our last year of college Wayne and I found out we were pregnant and immeditaly moved out of our apartment and moved in w/ my mom and Chris to begin saving money to buy a house of our own. Chris and my mom put a roof over our heads, fed us and even paid for most of the medical bills while I was pregnant to help get us on our feet for when the baby arrived. And now just under 2 years later Wayne and I (after buying our house, and starting our careers) have finally gotten around to the wedding– which Chris has also **generously** decided he will pay for most of.
Now here comes the hard part– and thank you, thank you if you are still reading because as I am typing this the tears are just streaming– i never usually explore my feelings and life like this- and writing it out puts it into perspective too.
When We had our son my biological dad came back into the picture (for the last 15 years he had been living out west trying to get his life together, has a “family” of his own with his girlfriend (who is amazing) and her two kids. We had always been in contact on and off, but when he got serious with his current girlfriend who he has been with for over 10 years she really got him in gear to be a part of my life in a psitive way- which he has. SO now, he has decided to move back to the east coast where we are and really be a part of our lives and our sons life. (I think he feels like he missed my life but will NOT miss my sons). He has always thanked and acknowledged chris for being the father he could never have been to me, and we are all close. My dad works for Chris now, and regularly hangs out at their house for sunday bbq’s when Wayne and I are there with the baby to swim. We all love each other so much and are so grateful for each other, overlooking each others flaws and short comings and happy to be together.
The problem::: Chris wants to walk me down the aisle, and my Dad does too (but acknowledges that Chris has every right to have full control) I know that Chris has been my father, and my hero (he saved us and gave us a beautiful life) but my real dad is trying… so hard.. Its like how do I tell my dad NO, you werent there before when I needed you– because he is here now- and is trying.. The truly beautiful thing in ALL of our lives is forgiveness- and I forgive him- but how can I hurt him by not letting him walk me down the aisle— but I just feel like i am betraying Chris in some way if I do.. Chris did all the work and now my dad wants to share in the “glory”– its just so much more complicated than that… And then theres the father/daughter dance…. I am sick to my stomach right now…
Most women are lucky to have one man in there lives that loves them– i have too many. 2 fathers and a future husband (not to mention 2 fircely protective grandfathers and a godfather). help me please… I need to honor Chris in the way he deserves to be honored, but i need to also acknowledge my father becasue he has come so very far and is trying so hard.