(Closed) emotional cheating and emotional abuse, can't move on

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
449 posts
Helper bee

I think a therapist can help you answer this question for yourself.

Post # 3
Member
47188 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

lovehearts123:  Everyone deserves better than to be treated like that. Get some help and give yourself time. You will learn that you are worth more, so you don’t need to ask the question.

Post # 5
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

lovehearts123:  Wow. I was you about 14 years ago. I met a guy at 19 and pretty much had me under his spell for for solid years. The only good thing that ever came out of that relationship with after it was really really over I knew I would never settle ever again. I knew that I would find someone that always made me happy and appreciated me and loves me and didn’t make me feel like s*** all the time every day with constant abuse. I am so so sorry you are going through this and honestly I wish I could say it’s going to get better but it will get a little worse before it gets better. You’re going to go on an emotional rollercoaster of hating him wanting him back never wanting to see him again wanting him back etc etc. What made it so much worse for me is my ex was very well loved and likeable by everyone so nobody believed all the awful things he really was underneath the charm. The first thing I would do if I were you is decide that you are worthwhile decide that you are wonderful person who deserves to be treated with respect. Anyone that does not at the very least respect you is not worth your time whether it’s a man, employer, student, family whoever. The first thing you need to do is work on your self worth. Write down all the wonderful things that you really love about yourself. It can be anything can be something silly like I can fit an entire orange in my mouth whatever. Then get out of another sheet of paper and write down qualities you want in your next man. I’m not talking about physical qualities but values. for me I would not settle for a man if I was not the only woman in his life. So monogamy is one of my core values for sure be it physical or emotional. I can go on and on but for now I will just say you are worth something and I think you came here for help and support and let me tell you honey you will get it! You are loved you are special and you are cherished. Anyone that does not make you feel this way is not worth your time. I’m sorry I have to go through this

Post # 6
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

lovehearts123:  I was in an abusive relationship years ago that sounds similar. He basically told me that he was going to date me and another girl at the same time, and if I wasn’t ok with he, he would break up with me and be with her. As attached as I was, I stayed with him and was miserable. He continued to emotionally (and eventually physically) abuse me for another 6 months or so before I finally got up the gumption to leave. Girl, NO you do NOT deserve this. You deserve so much more. My best advice? Get a good therapist, specifically one who specializes in abuse, and go – often. Only time will heal this wound, but luckily, you have all the time in the world. This too shall pass. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

Post # 7
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I wrote a post today about emotional cheating too! My ex wasn’t abusive, but I watched over the progression of a year him emotionally being unfaithful to me. He used stuff against me too when we broke up (basically blamed me and said I loved him with conditions and that he couldn’t please me… meanwhile he set it up for me to get mad at him). He has also replaced me with the girl he apparently “had no feelings for.” It hurts so much. I also thought he would be there for me forever. I also thought we would marry. Its so hard to watch your dream crumble. As much as I am not much help… just know your not alone! Also you are worth way more than that. We both deserve men that love us as much as we love them. It really is their loss. 

Post # 8
Member
744 posts
Busy bee

Leave him. It’s hard but it’s necessary. 

Red flags: he fell out of love with you, wanted to talk to other women, ignoring you, insulting you, hangs out with other women… come on

Cut off all communication, do some self reflection. Date other men when you’re ready.  

Lean on friends/family 

 

Post # 9
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee

lovehearts123:  my tip would be so cut him off. All social media? Block. Block his email. Block his number.  I love the book “its called a break up because it’s broken”.  It’s insightful and humorous.   Lean on your girlfriends and get involved with a hobby. I took up kick boxing.  If I could put his face on a bag I would have.  Above all trust yourself and believe in yourself.  You deserve better.  

Post # 10
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

lovehearts123:  Some guys are good as friends but they are unfaithful boyfriends. This happens to a lot of young women who date a friend. Your ex needs to grow up. I feel bad for the new woman too because he isn’t going to change now that he is with someone new. I would definitely say you deserve better. To get over it, I would say time will help a lot and no contact since he cheated on you. Some day you two maybe can be friends. I would enjoy being young and live my life. I would flirt and hang out with guys but definitely not rush into anything yet.

Post # 12
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

YES, you DO deserve better and you KNOW you do. My advice- get out asap and start “healing” process. I was strung along for good few years too, but looking back, I don’t blame it on my ex, I blame it on myself for letting him treat me badly for as long as he did. People treat us the way we allow them to. He causes you nothing but drama, heartache, worry, tears and unhappiness, so what’s the point in holding on? Let it go and even though it will suck for a bit, you will be happy again very soon!

Post # 13
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

Anyone would deserve better. He’s totally playing you. And, like a PP said, he is doing this not only because he’s inclined, but because you allow it. It isn’t going to change and he isn’t going to marry you. He’s using you as backup attention (and, perhaps, a figurative punching bag — which I say because you said he insulted you to your friends). Move on. Many fish in the sea, and all that … 

Post # 14
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

This guy is an insecure joke. He likes to have you hanging on by a thread to make himself feel better. You should count yourself lucky that he revealed himself this early on and you don’t have a life, a marriage and kids with this jerk. I bet the ” hot girl” won’t put up with his garbage and will soon be gone. When she leaves, don’t become his welcome mat again. Cut all ties with him.

Post # 15
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Yes you deserve better. Cut him out of your life. COMPLETELY. Block his number, block him from social media, do not answer the door if he comes knocking. It will be hard but you have to take that step in order to sever your emotions and move on. Find a guy who treats you right!

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