(Closed) Emotional conflict over trying to decide on a venue

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i would spend some time with budgeting tools. figure out exactly how much you can spend on the venue and food, then consider all of the extras (chivari chairs, linens, different meal options, etc.) it’s very hard to stick to cost estimates, so you should build in some wiggle room.

if this venue is too expensive, keep looking. i’m sure there are others just as perfect.

Post # 5
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Oh I’m so sorry and I know how you feel.   I was in a similar situation,  I loved one place but my Future Mother-In-Law had some major issues with it not too different than what you listed. I’m not sure I’ll be helpful but Ill just tell you what I did and how I feel.
I ended up backing down and went for another good but not my dream venue.  Honestly, I’m ok with it and in some ways it took some stress off because now everything doesn’t have to be perfect while I would have really got caught up in perfection with the other one.  However, I will say that even now when people ask me about it I just say I like it, its simple, its easy and conveniet, and will be pretty but when someone asked about the other place I loved it sounded more like “its amazing, the views are great, and you should see the view and the lodge, and the old bar and firepits and its just so cool…”  you get the idea. 

So honestly I don’t know.  I decided I couldn’t deal with the stress of family worrying and bugging me about my dream venue for a year so I went with the easier option of picking a place I’m happy with and my family can agree on. I think it makes some things easier but its not my dream.  I just keep focusing on the fact a wedding is about the start of a marriage and family.

Post # 7
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I felt this way about a LOT of venues! All so out of reach, but all so BEAUTIFUL! How would I ever find my dream venue for MY budget! You cant settle for the first venue you love you have to keep looking!

And in my opinon your mom’s experience says a LOT! They should have treated her like a queen, especially knowing she might be carrying that checkbook with her! You should take that and say that is definitely not something I want to even have to possibly deal with the day of my wedding let alone the next year of planning!

I think mom’s have to take a “tough love” approach and take the initiative and ask a lot of the hard questions! Our Mom’s approach is needed when we Brides-to-Be have all these pretty bells and whistles floating around and clouding our mind/vision! You have to be realistic with your budget and your wedding! And remember, what about the day after?!?! What are you going to do the day after your wedding? Are you Honeymooning? Are you goingto be completely drained from all the spending!?! Is it worth it?!!

And there is a happy Booking in my experience! we are on a very limited budget and we found our dream venue and we did have to compromise for a Sunday but it is going to be totally worth it because we are in love with EVERYTHING about this venue! The service,  the ratings, well everything!!! You need to have that same expecation and same feeling all around, including your parents!

I hope you get your dream venue!!! GOOD LUCK!!!

Post # 8
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@PinkBubbleGum its so crazy how similar you situation is.  My dream venue included everything like yours so it was pricey.  the place we picked was literally just the venue but I’m nearing the end of the major costs and it will be almost identical in price in the end.
and yes, you are right.  Part of me still is sad about the other venue and it is a bummer to spend so much money and not be over the moon about it but it did take some pressure off and there are things that are better about it than my dream venue so thats good. I guess my biggest thing would be to think about if you can handle your parents freaking out about the venue for a year.  I couldn’t take the stress of family squabbling.  Maybe take a few weeks and research all the other vendors you will need at the other locations and show your parents.  Get bids from rental companies, caterers, liquour etc etc and show them.  It defintely worth a serious conversation.  

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