(Closed) Emotional Day: I lost it on Friday.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

i can’t even pretend i know how it feels but i can imagine that it is not something you just “get over”. i would be grief stricken everytime i saw kids or was reminded i couldn’t have any. i’m sorry 🙁

Post # 4
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I am so, so sorry that you have been going through this for six years.  People can be unwittingly cruel.   I cannot even try to imagine what this is like for you, but I did have four miscarriages and saw a therapist for awhile to help me cope with the depression that came after #3.  Have you considered going to talk to someone?  It doesn’t make the problem go away, but it can help you learn to cope with the crushing sadness.   Big – and I mean BIG – hugs to you.  

Post # 5
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m sorry you had to go thru that all over again and will continue to. And the pain may never go away from knowing but I hope one day you will be able to fill that void whether it be thru adoption or any other form, I personally know someone that went thru this and today she is the proud mother of not 1 but 3 happy little boys! All I can say is hang in there, stay strong, and you will find your way! (Hugs)

Post # 6
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Jacksonville Inn

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I also cannot have children and it’s devastating and no one really understands unless they are going through the same thing. At this point my partner and I have decided to be childfree. I never thought I would never be a Mom and there are constant reminders that I’m the only person I know without kids.

Post # 7
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

1. I am so incredibly sorry for all of the pain you are going through. Although never experiencing it myself (not even engaged yet), I have been around it and it’s close to me. I was adopted and knowing what my adoptive parents went through for 5 years breaks my heart. And my heart breaks for you. 

2. Being adopted is one of the greatest feelings in the world. You seem like such a goodhearted person with a lot of love to share. Please consider it. It will completely change your life. I know it’s not the same, but having been adopted at birth, I’ve never known any differently. My parents have said what an incredible (and less painful) experience it was. 

3. I am also a huge advocate for therapy. Just to be able to get everything (with NO judgement or commentary) off of your chest. It can completely change your life. 


Again, I am absolutely heartbroken for you. We’re all here for you!

Post # 8
4097 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@kariebee43:  I’m so sorry you had to re-live that. I’m kind of in a similar situation, where every doctor agrees that I am too high risk to safely have a baby. It’s very straining, not just for my husband and I, but for our families as well. Society puts so much pressure on women and married couples especially to bear children, and at times it can make you feel worthless not being able to. My last neurology visit ended in sobs also because of the same reason. 

Post # 9
8700 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so, so sorry people are so stupid sometimes. I’m also sorry that your diagnosis didn’t get better!

Post # 11
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@kariebee43:  I’m sorry you’re going through this. Have you and your partner decided which route you would like to take? I have always thought that if I found out I couldn’t have kids, I would just move on. I’ve had 2 miscarriages and I have actually thought, maybe it isn’t meant to be. You’re right though, I have no idea how it would feel to actually know with 100% certainty that I couldn’t conceive (and I would never pretend to know how that feels to someone suffering the same struggle as you – my comments are only made to my own husband).

I really feel terrible because it seems that so many women who so desperately want children can’t have them and then so many people who don’t want kids get pregnant accidentally – it seems so unfair. One of my SIL has had so many miscarriages I lost count. My biological sister is a baby machine. It can be really hard at times. At the very least, at least you have a life partner who loves you and will be with you through all of this – that is more than a lot of people can say 🙂  

Post # 12
2028 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@nolapeanut:  I absolutely love your perspective on adoption.

Post # 13
2028 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@kariebee43:  I’m so sorry that you are living this. I’m not sure yet if I will be able to conceive and I’m always sad when I see others getting pregnant and having children. I want kids so badly. Fiance and I have talked about it and although he’s desparate to have children that came from him, we know that we WILL adopt if we can’t conceive because kids mean that much to us.

Post # 14
41 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014

I somewhat feel your pain. While I have not been given a strict “no” as far as getting pregnant, I have been diagnosed with PCOS and I do not ovulate. I would go over a year without a period. My doctors have me on the pill in order to regulate my cycles. I’m not married and not trying to conceive at this point, but my doctor has told me that I will not be able to get pregnant without the use of fertility drugs, and even then we just never know.

As much as I love my doctor, she also threw in the statement of, “Just so you know, if you can’t have kids, it’s not the end of the world.”


Wasn’t really sure how to take that.


Anyway, I also went home and cried. I still think about having kids all the time and even find myself hoping every month that I may find myself pregnant, even though this would not be the best timing in my life. I just try to pray for the children that I know God will give me, whether biological or adopted. It helps me cope.

You aren’t alone. Thinking of you!!!

Post # 16
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@kariebee43:  I totally understand how you feel. I just went through my 2nd and last IVF last month. I was devestated when none of the embryos made it to transfer. We are in debt (and I’m unemployed) and now I know I wont have a little me running around, ever. We are going to do egg donor when we have the money, but that might be 2+ years (and I’m 43!). And there is no guarantee that it will be sucessful. It just feels like it’s never going to happen. And the grief is just starting to become overwhelming. (Doesnt help that all my friend with kids used some form of fertility treatment. I’m the only “failure”. Thinking therapy might be my next step)

Before I met DH, I was in my late 30’s and made perfect peace with never meeting or marrying anyone or ever having children. But after meeting and marying him and loving someone more than I ever knew was possible to love someone. AND after 3 years of trying EVERYTHING short of animal sacrifices to have a kid, my desire is so strong and deep. 

One thing I realized today is that not achieving the “child” goal is so different than not achieving some other goal like buying a house or going to college. If you dont reach those, you are right, life goes on. But there is something so deep in the soul in the desire to have kids. When you cant have them, it just takes a piece of your soul. It feels like your child has died, you just never got to meet that child.  (I do not  want to lessen or belittle the pain of losing a child, this isnt a contest on who’s pain is greater)

Part of me wishes that the “maybe it might happen” door would close. Nope, no adoption or egg donor. At least at that point I could move forward with my life. But since we are in saving for a possible maybe child, I’m stuck in limbo. Limbo SUCKS!

I dont have any wise words to say, other than you are not alone and I feel your pain. 

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