(Closed) Emotional… Letting go of… My Maiden name….

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I always wanted to keep my last name, even when I was 7 and having a mock wedding with the neighborhood kids in the backyard, I always kept my last name. I loved my entire name and always thought it should be the name of a character in a book (vain, I know).

But my husband really wanted us to have the same last name. He didn’t have the same last name as his mother, nor did I. And I realized it was more important to him for us to share his last name than it was for me to keep mine.

ETA: I don’t really think about missing my old last name much anymore, and I’ve been married only 9 months.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  TheMrsTulip.
Post # 3
Member
6526 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

trevino24:  yes, i was sad to let go of my last name. I was proud of my last name. I felt like I was letting a piece of my dad go bc he passed away and there are no boys to carry on the name. But I didnt want to hyphenate bc its a pain when it comes to signing it. I am happy that Darling Husband and I share a last name and that we are one unit.

 

Post # 4
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

trevino24:  I totally get it. I ended up keeping my last name & adding my DH’s on because I wasn’t willing to part with it. I know you feel silly, but I think the way you’re feeling is normal. Your last name has been yours for your entire life, it’s become a part of your identity and as well as being a connection to your family. You’ll feel better eventually. Grieve on, girl. 🙂 

Post # 6
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

trevino24:  I am going through the exact same thing right now. I actually thought about that this morning when I saw my new name on my linkedin account lol! I have changed my SS card, but I think I am avoiding changing my license. I know I need to soon, but it is the last thing before the chain of everything else (bank accounts, utilities, magazines, etc.)

My husband got upset because I added my maiden name to my middle name instead of dropping my middle name all together. So..I have 2 middle names now. First middle maiden newlast. It is NOT hyphenated, I only have his last name. But he still got upset and I don’t understand why. I still slip up and introduce myself as my maiden, and he gets annoyed. it’s only been a month and hardly anything is transfered over! How confusing for people if it reads as my maiden but I introduce myself as my new last name. (maybe I am making excuses lol) But He doesn’t get how hard it is to let go of something you’ve had your whole life. it’s not WHO you are, but it’s part of your identity.

sO, I totally get it.

Post # 7
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

I felt the same way when I got married to my ex Darling Husband. I didn’t even like his last name, so that made it worse. 

But now, even though we are divorced, I kept my married name. I honestly feel like I am my married name. And now I hate my maiden name! 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  silverdreams.
Post # 8
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Umm yeah, I am still sad about it seven months on. Its so weird. I think changing my name was a really good idea but goodness there’s emotion attached. I miss my last name. Its like childhood gone. Such an odd transition. I did really consider keeping my last name but hubby had me saved in his phone with my new last name within weeks of us being engaged. I loved that. He gave me a new email address with my new name way before the wedding as well. But yeah, its like separating from your daddy. And i effing love my daddy. He is who taught me what it is to be a husband and father. Smartest, kindest man. And so is my Darling Husband. Uggh lol tbh it still makes me teary. You are soooo not alone.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  Yipeebee.
Post # 9
Member
2350 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I had my maiden name for 35 years so yes it was hard to let go of my ‘identity.’ Plus I felt guilty abandoning the name my parents so lovingly gave me. I won’t lie, it’s still sort of weird to be called my new name, even after over a year. I don’t know that I’ll ever be my new name entirely, I may go on forever having two names that I identify entirely with.

Post # 11
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Keeping my last name (which I love and is part of me) and adding Fiance last name at the end of my name.  He’s happy, I’m happy (and my name is happy lol)

Post # 13
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

trevino24:  I’m having mixed feelings about it for the same reasons as you. Also because its only my sister and I so our name forever stops with us. I decided to change it though, because I’ve decided to make that commitment to my Fiance. HOWEVER, when we decide to have kids we will be using family names from my side so they have names from both families.

Post # 14
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

I added my maiden name as a second middle name.

so at work I aign everything: name, maiden (middle), married name. 

people can decide what they call me based on that.

socially I use married name

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