(Closed) Emotional… Letting go of… My Maiden name….

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

trevino24:  I couldn’t let it go so I have both last names now. Although I haven’t actually changed it officially yet.

Post # 17
Member
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s not silly to be sad about losing your last name. I think most men would be very sad about it (just ask and see). This is why I didn’t change my name — I didn’t want to. 

Post # 18
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Not that were married yet, but I have made it very clear that I want to keep my last name in some way or another.  So like my mom did, I am just adding his last name to the end of my name.  I am/was/want to be again competitive in horseback riding and have all my stuff embroidered with my last name , Fiance has said that this is fine and I can keep my name for that (would be a GIANT pain to try and change that) and my work (want to display my degree  and have some association to it rather than a maiden name).

I feel like others here, I dont want to lose that association with my dad or family ties either.  

Post # 20
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I also “double barreled” aka added DH’s last name to mine, but no hyphen. I didn’t want to change my middle out to my maiden because my middle name is my mom’s first name, and she passed away about 2 years ago, so I wanted to keep it.

Darling Husband wasn’t in love with the idea of keeping my last name as an actual last name (was fine if it was my middle name, even if I had 2 middle names), but in order for me to add a new middle name to my name, in Ohio, you have to do a whole legal name change and appear in court, etc. Way harder than just a marriage name change. And when it came right down to it, I said our children will for sure have the family name, but I am keeping my name for ME. Darling Husband sort of pushed back a little but it’s my name, I sort of felt like he had no say in whether I wanted to keep it or not as long as I was taking his name in some form. He more or less realized that he was on the end of a losing fight so he’s dropped it. 

I just went to the SS office and should get my new card soon so that I can go to the DMV and get my new license sorted. Then it’s on to the rest of the bullshit I have to do to change my name. Married life is fun! Haha

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  SoccerBee86.
Post # 21
Member
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I hear ya! I’ve been married almost 3 months and am still adjusting to my new last name. It is really weird, and do feel like I was abandoning my identity that I had forever (33 years!)!

It’s been updated with pretty much everything, except magazine subscriptions.

Post # 22
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

trevino24:  Yeah, I always imagined keeping my name. Always, even when I was in a 5yr relationship with my ex and really thinking about these things. But now that I’m with my fiance I’m way more open to changing it. We’ll probably both take both names (non-hyphenated), but I have a really long ethnic name that nobody can spell and my fiance has a very short very anglo name that makes sense to everyone, so I’m wondering if I really want to burden my love and our future children with a lifetime of constantly spelling out this nine-letter last name.

I was against the name change for feminist reasons, but then I finally got a super feminist relationship…the fact that my fiance would happily take my name if I asked him to made me switch to a more pragmatic perspective.

I have until next summer to figure it out, but I’m really warming up to the idea of two last names.

Awkward, but I just realized that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have a similar last name situation to us

Post # 23
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Im in name limbo.  I changed it with the Social Security office but not DMV (waiting for the certified copy from county) but I just dont want to change it for some reason! I feel like when I say my new name its like im losing my identity – so wierd! I really cant explain why its sad to me but it just is…I think I just have to get used to it. 

Post # 24
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

 

trevino24:  Not really – the last name wasn’t a big deal to me one way or the other. But I did keep my maiden name as my middle name since I didn’t have one already.

Post # 25
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m in my mid-30’s and my name is who i am. I am having a very hard time thinking about changing my last name.

Post # 26
Member
3174 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

My So has a russian Last Name that always gets messed up. Not looking forward to that. I really like My Name I feel it fits me. It’s very exotic and fit the fact that I am mixed. Heck sometimes EVEN i mispell SO’s last name yikes! And I hate the way my cursive Zs look. I know lame reasons but still. Not looking Forward to mispelling my own last name Bahahhaa

Post # 27
Member
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

I can so relate to this. I’ve decided to take his last name, and keep my maiden as my middle.

Post # 28
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I never felt conflicted or sad about taking DH’s name, but I made my maiden name my middle name as there are no men left on my dad’s side to carry on the name.  My two cousins (who had the same maiden name as me) also made their maiden names their middle names, so that’s become a new tradition for my dad’s family.

Post # 29
Member
5108 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’ve never attached my identity to my maiden name. My father (whose last name I had) and I have been estranged for years and I only ever associated with my mother’s side of the family. I always didn’t like that I had a different last name than everybody else. I hated my maiden name because of the person it came from as well as just not liking the name itself. When I got married, I was at the SS office the next day they were open changing my name, I couldn’t get rid of it soon enough.

Post # 30
Member
2471 posts
Buzzing bee

My situation was somewhat unique. My maiden name was the same as a fairly often heard woman’s FIRST name. Having spent many years hearing people louse up my name, I was thrilled to take DH’s name as my own.

However, because of the lastnameisalsoafirstname issue, I had ALWAYS used three names – Cora Eileen Ann as an example, for my legal signature.

So when I took DH’s name, I simply did Cora Ann Jacobs, thereby retaining MY family name while taking DH’s. You may be able to do the same, as long as your family name and DH’s are relatively simple.

I love my married name!

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