Post # 1
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
Ok, so I’m probably just being a girl but today was a TERRIBLE day for me… My fiance and I live in Oklahoma together where we met, but both our families are from TX. A few months ago we discussed Thanksgiving plans in order to be able to spend time with both sides. Welll the plans were as followed. —Tuesday I was supposed to get off work and we would drive 3.5 hours that night and get to his parents house there we would see his parents, sisters, aunt, uncle and grandfather. We would stay though thursday lunch, then pack up. Then we would drive 2.5 hours to my grandparents house in east texas and see my grandparents, parents, sister, aunts, uncles and cousins. We would then stay until saturday and then drive home that night. When we told his mother this idea she immediately said “Oh. well I was actually hoping to see more of you both. We are going to have family in and I wanted us to have time together.” I didnt know this but his grandfather hasnt been to TX in a few years do to his age and his mom really wanted him there. I said fine and we altered plans again. We changed that we would g back to his parents house friday night and stay until sunday. This isnt what I wanted, but I was willing to sacrifice. Then my great grandma got very ill. we didnt think she would make it and she is still in the hospital. changing plans again. I needed to spend more time with my family. So we decided to have him go home friday night and i would meet him there sunday to drive back. Well at last minute my boss decided that I couldnt leave town until wednesday at noon…. so we get to tx and both moms are throwing fits fighting. Now we aret together at all. He decided we should just spend it separate. This crushed me and I bawled the entire trip to his parents house. I was so excited for him to meet my family. I got to meet his but he doesn’t get to meet mine. When I dropped him off his mom even tried to guilt me into not seeing my family at all, which made me furious!!! This was supposed to be our first holiday together and now we are apart and I am miserable. Once i got to my grandpartents no one even asked to see my ring. Im not sure how i feel about everything. how should I handle this?
Post # 4
Member
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
I’m so sorry! It sucks to think you’re going to spend a holiday together and then you can’t. I hope Thanksgiving will still be good, but I can understand it’s hard. I spend Thanksgiving with my fiancé but not Christmas and that’s hard. Hope things look up for you soon!
Post # 5
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
Idk. I guess I’m mainly upset because I tried so hard just for my Fiance to fall under pressure to his mother guilt trips. I did everything I could, but she ended up being more important. (i know – extremely selfish. she is his mom) but i’m having a hard time and needed him with me….
Post # 6
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
Sorry to hear this. I totally understand wanting to be with your family etc. If it makes you feel any better, it’s really just circumstance of being long distance from the 2 different families. AND by circumstance you happened to go to his parents first so your Mother-In-Law was able to coerce him first. I’m sure if you had gone to your parents first, the outcome may have been different.
I know you’re dissapointed on not being with your family but next year you can go to yours first. I’m sure he cares about you a lot. And its actually a positive thing that your Fiance wants to please his mother. 🙂
Hope that helps ….
Post # 7
Member
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper
You have every right to be upset. I’m sorry.
Post # 8
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
your emotional yes..because they didnt even bother to ask to see ur ring etc doesnt mean they dont share your happiness..conctrate on making both of them worj together and sharing many many holidays together..
dont worry..
Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
“Oh. well I was actually hoping to see more of you both. We are going to have family in and I wanted us to have time together.” …… I said fine and we altered plans again
When I dropped him off his mom even tried to guilt me into not seeing my family at all….
rookie mistake – you should have stuck to your original plans (with the exception of grandma & work issues), she worked you like a pro and still had to cause you grief later on
sorry you are so upset, its not fair to try to please everyone else and end up seperated and upset as a result – in future stick to your guns
IF this was me i would have torn Fiance a new one for not meeting my family and supporting me but im that type of person and fortunately he knows when to do the right thing/is easy going. IF i was your family i would consider him not meeting us and making you travel alone as disrespectful – i hope it doesnt cause any more drama for you
Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
@eloping: I completely agree – your great grandmother is dying and his top priority is what will his mom think? Of course it’s nice to see both families on Thanksgiving, and in this situation I know my husband would intially want to make his mom happy. However, if I said, “I really need you here with me”, he would be there, end of story. And I’d be super pissed right now if I were you that he wasn’t.
Post # 11
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
Going forward, you two decide where you will spend your holidays. Put your foot down now. Try alternating years. Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas/Hanukkah/Whatever with yours. Easter/Passover in a tropical location:) Next year, Thanksgiving with your family, Christmas/Hanukkah/Whatever with his. Easter/Passover in a tropical location:) Otherwise, you will spend every holiday either separated or angry which defeats the entire purpose.
