(Closed) Emotional Update on Previous Thread about Sister (a little long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens

It sounds like you were very mature in your response. For some reason the link wouldnt work for me so I don’t know the backstory…but you definitely deserve to be treated with respect and you are within your right to dissassociate from people who are unkind and toxic toward you. I hope she comes around and apologizes!

Post # 6
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens

I really think at this point you have said and done what you can and now you just have to wait for S to respond. πŸ™

Post # 8
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens

I’m sorry! πŸ™ You are justified in wanting a good relationship but you have to remember that you are only responisble for your actions not how other people react… and if she’s being not so very nice then it’s HER problem not yours. You could maybe send another email expressing how much you do care for her and how much you really want to have  a relationship but also lay down a sort of “code of contact” I will not tolerate being cursed at, I think we should get some family therapy…etc

Post # 9
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens

conduct*

Post # 11
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens

Unfortunately you may have to come to terms with the fact that she’s just not going to be the sister that you want her to be. I know how crappy that sounds but if you’ve been riding this carousel for a long time then you’re just going to keep finding yourself back at square one. πŸ™ I am not close with any of my siblings (older brother who is socially enept and verbally abusive and 2 MUCH younger sisters- 13 and 16 years younger than me) So, I’ve learned that friends are the sisters you can PICK! πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens

It’s definitley not nuts to hope she will come around! I hope she does! I hope when you wake up there’s a big ol’apology email from her! πŸ™‚ good luck!

Post # 14
Member
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Bellanouva: How old are you btw, I’m just curious?

Take from me, she is who she is, she will NOT change.

What you expect from her — is not what she’s shown herself to be after all these years. You are going to have to accept that she is in fact a manipulator.

Believe me when I tell you I deal with family members who have mental illnesses and for YEARS I tried to rationalize their behavior, analyze it, excuse it, bargin with them. You name it and its simply a waste of time. Your letter was 100% on point. you were not disrespectul in anyway. I’m proud that you have stood up for yourself and its very important to set boundaries of behavior of what you will and will not tolerate. BRAVO! BUT– I suspect it will NOT make the impact that you want. And if by chance she does come around it will be temporary until the next drama. 

If you are in fact young (early 20’s) mark my words, I and that of other posters who have gone thru 10-20-30-40 years of dysfunctional family relationships.  Some people you have to just love from a distance. 

You are going to get married and your FH and you will have a ton of issues and stumbling blocks to get across in the future. Start to lighten your load now by learning to come to terms with your sister and letting her be who she chooses to be. 

Post # 16
Member
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I would like very much to point out what a trip it is to be talking about my 30 year old sister like this. Its strange and backwards to me. I would like us to both be mature adults and act like it.

Darling, please mine is 15 years older than me I’e been thru hell and back with her. I’m also 16 years older than you. So can you imagine what I’ve been thru. Been there, done that, got the Tshirt, and the postcards. My sis was (and still is in some ways) someone I looked up to greatly. But she started slipping up about…say 25 years ago. It wasn’t until about 11 years ago, that I STARTED to learn to how to manage HER. I no longer let her run me. Trust me its hard, and there are times when I slip up, but she can no longer manipulate me the way she used. If you take the advice here, you will save yourself ALOT of wasted energy [and therapy bill$ :)].

 

 

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