(Closed) Emotional Wreck

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
524 posts
Busy bee

I don’t have much advice for you but I didn’t want to read and run. It sounds to me like there are a lot of different things going on at the moment, and that a lack of communication and understanding might be at the root of many of them. I think you need to have a long talk with your dad about your expectations.

How do you feel about your FI’s daughter getting in contact?

Post # 4
1106 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with MrsT.. sounds like you need a sit down daughter daddy talk.

Post # 5
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think the most important issue is how you feel about your FI’s kids getting in contact.  I mean, you knew about them, right?  It wasn’t like a “Suprise, I have kids, and oh, by the way, here’s one of them now!”

Because, while the stuff with your Dad SUCKS, he’s not the one who will be in your life all the time, your Fiance and possibly his children will be.  I’m assuming if another man has already adopted these two, then they’re not coming to find their Dad, so much as their birth father, but I could be wrong.

This is a life adjustment, sure, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing.  It took me quite some time to get used to FI’s son, and some weeks, it still is rough.  But we get along well, and now, I actually often look forward to his visits instead of getting sick to my stomach with nerves beforehand.  The most important thing there, in my opinion, is that if your Fiance wants to have a relationship with these kids, that you help and support him, but at the same time, he understands that this is an adjustment for you, and not a small one.  You need to talk with him, and make sure that he knows you need the space to breathe, adjust, and even be upset every once in awhile.

If you choose to address things with your father, then you can, but if you don’t feel ready, don’t force it.  Don’t go into it trying to resolve it if you’re not truly ready for a resolution, because that has the potential for many more problems down the line.

Post # 7
257 posts
Helper bee

totally sucks.

how can your dad say that to you?! a man who hates you should NOT be the one walking you down the aisle.

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