Post # 1
I don’t even know how I feel anymore. My Sweetie and I deal with each other well. There has been so many new things going on that are so happy about in his family and so sad in mine. I have no idea if anyone will ever read this post. This just may be cathartic, at the least. Both of our family things go back for about 15 years.
He has an exwife and 2 kids from that marriage. It’s been a long time and his oldest just found him. His youngest is about 15, she hasn’t contacted him yet so he is waiting. The exwife cheated on him and married one of the guys, he then adopted the girls. My Sweetie agreed because he wanted the least stress for his kids.
My dad and I have a tentative relationship. He is a 65 yr adult who won’t take any responsibility for his actions and can’t admit when he did something wrong. A few days ago I had to kick him out of my house after he told me that he “hated my guts and never wanted to see me again”. The back story is long and really not as invasive as it sounds.
To wrap all of this up the best I can.
I still can’t believe all of these things are happening right now.
I’m not sure anymore that I even want dad to “give me away”
So much stuff and a lot of pain.
Happiest day of my life, my ass!
That’s enough for now. I have friends and family, but no one getting married soon.
Post # 3
I don’t have much advice for you but I didn’t want to read and run. It sounds to me like there are a lot of different things going on at the moment, and that a lack of communication and understanding might be at the root of many of them. I think you need to have a long talk with your dad about your expectations.
How do you feel about your FI’s daughter getting in contact?
Post # 4
I agree with MrsT.. sounds like you need a sit down daughter daddy talk.
Post # 5
I think the most important issue is how you feel about your FI’s kids getting in contact. I mean, you knew about them, right? It wasn’t like a “Suprise, I have kids, and oh, by the way, here’s one of them now!”
Because, while the stuff with your Dad SUCKS, he’s not the one who will be in your life all the time, your Fiance and possibly his children will be. I’m assuming if another man has already adopted these two, then they’re not coming to find their Dad, so much as their birth father, but I could be wrong.
This is a life adjustment, sure, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It took me quite some time to get used to FI’s son, and some weeks, it still is rough. But we get along well, and now, I actually often look forward to his visits instead of getting sick to my stomach with nerves beforehand. The most important thing there, in my opinion, is that if your Fiance wants to have a relationship with these kids, that you help and support him, but at the same time, he understands that this is an adjustment for you, and not a small one. You need to talk with him, and make sure that he knows you need the space to breathe, adjust, and even be upset every once in awhile.
If you choose to address things with your father, then you can, but if you don’t feel ready, don’t force it. Don’t go into it trying to resolve it if you’re not truly ready for a resolution, because that has the potential for many more problems down the line.
Post # 6
I’m obviously scared to meet his kids. I still look forward to it. They seem amazing and are extensions of him. Just reading what one of them wrote in email was the same was as my Fiance writes. It’s amazing! They have many of the same interests, she is definatly his daughter. Not worried about that just adjusting.
My dad on the other hand…I know this isn’t a counseling session but I was just wondering if anyone else out there is having a ton of recent drama.
He is the parent, right? Honestly I was such a good kid. Grades, activities, not “doing” anyone. He wasn’t interested in much of what I did and was a pretty lously drunk. Called me a slut etc…
I know he has his own issues but damn!
I’m mostly over mine now.
Post # 7
how can your dad say that to you?! a man who hates you should NOT be the one walking you down the aisle.
Post # 8
I just spoke with my mother and dad is talking about going to therapy. Obviously there are other issues within the family. If he’s finally willing to address them I will let him walk me down the isle. Thanks for all of the support. My did is such a damn child.