Post # 1
I know that I should probably be posting in emotional, but my issue makes me seem really jealous and insecure in my relationship, which I am not. And since I post here most often and am waiting, I was hoping a few of you may recognise my name and remember that I am very happy and waiting 🙂 So here is my problem and I need some tips on how to move past this:
My SO, who is planning to propose in 2012, used to date a girl for 3 years who he has told me before (after I asked in the beginning the extent of his feelings that he had for her) that he felt at the time that he was perfect for her. After this long relationship that I do not care to know much about, he ended things with her after some cheating and her using him.. but not because of it (he forgave her and kept trying to make her happy).He realized that this was a mess and was single for 7 or 8 months before dating myself. My problem is that I hear about her often through some friends and things popping up on Instagram and facebook and she seems to have more of a carefree and fun attitude towards life than me .. and although I know it is wrong to compare myself to her I cant help it. My SO loves me and is with me and wants a life with me for a reason, however sometimes when things come up he says I should relax a little and be less sensitive and chill about things. I sometimes feel that this is a quality he really loved about HER and now doesnt have with me and I feel alot of jealousy about that.
I know this comes across as immature, jealous, and completely made up in my own head.. which I understand it is. But at the same time I cant help but get down on myself sometimes because of it. Because of our mutual friends I cant avoid this info I get or seeing pictures, so it isnt an option to really.. cut it all out of my life.
Does anyone have tips or ideas of how i can put his relationship in the past where it belongs and not feel jealous that she has a major personality trait that I dont have, that my SO loves? Thanks if you have read this far, I appreciate it alot.
Post # 3
*huggles* Oh mama, here is what you do! Let go & Let God (or whichever diety you choose).
I think the waiting period makes us all insecure and doesn’t bring out the best in us.
I think that it is unhealthy to compair your relationship with your SO to his previous relationship with That Chick. You aren’t her. He isn’t with her. He broke up with her. He is with you. You guys are happy. It’s the waiting that is making you nuts. Just accept that and know that what makes your SO love you…is YOU! Wonderful, wonderful you.
Don’t worry about this chick. Don’t think about how she lives her life or how she SEEMS on the internet. Everyone is different from how they look on facebook.
Now is not the time to doubt your relationship. Now is not the time to doubt how AWESOME you, Seashells7, are. In Waiting, we have to be uber confident. Love is a battlefield (woah-oo-oh-oo-oh-oo-ohhh WE ARE YOUNG!) and we cannot seem weak while on the quest for the sparky grail.
“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
― Dr. Seuss
Post # 4
Don’t ever compare yourself with someone else. She may be more high on life than you, but you are more faithful and trustworthy than her and I am sure have millions other better qualities than she does. You need to be more confident and think about the things you know your SO loves about you. They broke up and didn’t get back together for a reason.
I totally know what you mean about being jealous though. My boyfriend dated a psycho girl that was gorgeous and super skinny and then another cheater that was beautiful and I am average, but know I have a really great personality and a really good heart and he loves me for that because I am me and not them.
Give yourself way more credit than you are!!
Post # 5
@anthrogirl Give yourself way more credit than you are!! THIS!
He is with YOU not her for a reason. Try not to sweat it, control your mind and focus on the positives, you two have a great relationship and she is his past. And you know what, maybe go ahead and take his advice, maybe you can try to be a little more relaxed with some things, and please take that as constructive criticism and not snarkiness, no one is perfect we all have room for improvement…hugs!
Post # 6
It’s hard but you eventually do have to just let it go. Else the negativity will build on itself. Love you for you! She’s carefree? You rock in bed. (I don’t know this but I’m aiming for a smile!)
I feel you though, I tend to compare myself to the others that my SO liked/dated, it’s not fair to do this to yourself though. There are things your SO wouldn’t change about you for the world. Focus on those awesome traits! There are things we would love to change about each other but then, we wouldn’t be us anymore 🙂
PS- Hopefully as we wise up and mature this bad habit will stifle itself!
Post # 7
YOURE the one he is with! YOURE the one he is gonna MARRY!!!!!
I understand though..SO will bring up randomly “this girl I used to date”, and it makes me FUME!!! But, I just remind myself that he had a life before me (shocking, I know!) just like I had a life before him!! Its so easy to compare, but remember, that its YOU he is with now!!! So forget about her
Post # 8
I was going to start replying to each of you, but then realized you ALL made me smile and feel better!
Thank you SOOO much for the words of wisdom, quotes, laughs, and kind words 🙂 You all truely made me feel alot better and I know you are right.. he IS with me and not her.. theres a reason for that!
I am just frustrated with waiting maybe.. thats all. Thanks girls, I knew youd be awesome !!
Post # 9
@Seashells7: HUGS! You are from what I read a super cool chick. You need to know that!
Your SO is with you and NOT her for a reason! And trust me I know waiting makes you think crazy things like ” he doesn’t love me…” ” maybe he wants to be with someone else” Or you-” Maybe he wants someone more like his ex”
But sweetie HE IS GOING TO MARRY YOU!!! WOOHOO…Then you can go on FB and instagram and post pictures of you two being super cute with your PRETTY RING!!!
Post # 10
@FutureMrs.browneyes: HAHAH!!!! I love that response!
Post # 11
@Seashells7: I have dealt with some of this in the past. My SO was actually a reader in his ex’s wedding and we frequently see her, they are still friends and in the same group of friends. I can tell you, firsthand, that this kind of stuff will eat you up if you let it.
Forget about her. Their relationship was obviously broken. Also, I try to keep in mind that much of what ppl post on social media is bs. Everyone always wants to appear happy and perfect, that isn’t always the case. Hang in there, you’re almost through this!
Post # 12
Everyone in this thread has made wonderful points, worded better than I could. So I’ll just point out one little thing to you: It seems as though this ex was so carefree and breezy that she forgot she had a boyfriend, or at least to treat him well. Maybe it’s a good thing you aren’t that carefree 😉
Post # 13
@FutureMrs.browneyes: i wish I could “like” posts! You are so sweet and so right! thanks 😉