- 4 years ago
My SO and I have been dating for nearly 5 years. We’ve discussed marriage and kids and all the big deal things and we’re really pretty much on the same page about it all. This past August, I moved into his parents’ house to live, so we could start saving money for our future together.
Here’s the problem though – he is, on increasingly frequent occasions, extremely emotionally immature. We’re both 25, and while we still laugh at fart jokes and watch Disney movies together, that’s not the sort of thing that worries me.
We have a rather unique relationship to start with: very early on, we got over the “honeymoon phase” and we have never been that mushy, cutesy-name couple like most of our friends and social group. In fact, they joke that we act like an old married couple, although to be fair, we have the longest relationship out of anyone else in the group. So we mock each other and poke fun at each other and it really is just joking. But sometimes, he goes a bit overboard, especially when we’re out with friends. He likes to pretend to be a Don Draper type, and says things like “You’re a woman, your opinon means nothing” and “You have to know how to put your woman in her place”. I know that he says it because he thinks our friends find it funny (they don’t) and that he doesn’t really “mean it”, but I sometimes feel that there’s truth hiding behind the jokes. I’m not a hardcore feminist, I don’t get insulted by “get back in the kitchen” jokes and stuff like that, but for some reason, these jokes are starting to annoy me.
He is also very childish when it comes to disagreements. For example: he and his younger sister agreed to go for their first tattoos together, well over a year ago. His sister has been continually asking him to go check out tattoo places, but he keeps blowing her off, saying “yeah, we’ll go”, and not doing anything about it. It’s not a money issue, or him not actually wanting to do it – he is just very lazy about things sometimes. Well, his sister got tired of waiting for him for over a year, and booked an appointment for herself. When he found out, he got very insulted, started saying that he wouldn’t drive her to work, etc etc. As they were arguing, I piped up and told him that I didn’t blame her, that she was tired of waiting for him forever, and that if he didn’t like it, he should have been more proactive. He turned on me and told me to mind my own business (okay, might have deserved that) and that no one was interested in my opinion. When I confronted him in the morning, he told me that I was “never on his side for things”. He refused to drop me to work that day, etc.
My issue is this: his “side”? Are we twelve and picking battles on the playground? This is not the first time he’s said this to me and I honestly can’t understand where it’s coming from. Because I happen to disagree with him, I’m “not on his side”. The “haha, women’s rights” stuff? It’s getting old. It’s all getting really old, and if I try to tell him how I feel, he doesn’t take it seriously. He’s an emotional child and it’s starting to really irritate me, to the point where I’m beginning to question our relationship.
I don’t know what to do. I really do love him, and I know he loves me, but I think he takes me for granted, and doesn’t realize that I put up with a lot of nonsense that a LOT of other women would have no patience for. I’m considering talking to our friends and asking them to sit him down and seriously tell him that he needs to fix his attitude, but I feel like that sort of thing tends to blow up in your face all too often.
Thoughts? Am I being too sensitive? Is there any hope that he will sort himself out in the near future? Should this behaviour be a deal-breaker? I apologize for the rambling, but any input would be really helpful.