(Closed) Emotionally Struggling…

posted 7 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am so sorry you aren’t getting the support you need. If I were you I would say something. Ask them what they would do and since the worked all through their pregnancy were they bleeding as well and suffering from the other conditions you are dealing with now. I wouldn’t be nasty but I definelty wouldn’t bite my tongue, I think they need to know that they are crossing the line. I am very close with my mother and you mentioned you are close with yours, can you say something to her? Can Darling Husband talk to his mom and let her know how serious things are and whether or not you work in regards to the financial aspect of your marriage, that is for you and Darling Husband to handle.

Post # 5
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh you poor divil. No wonder you’re having trouble with your blood pressure, souds like the moms are putting it up for you! It’s annoying when you see them all the time but they actually make your life harder than if they were only rarely around. I don’t know if there’s anything you can say to get them to back off – it’s hard to change people’s minds when they believe they’re right – but perhaps it’s time for Darling Husband to step up and do some snapping? At his own mom, certainly – her feelings come second to your health and your baby’s health. And if he has a decent relationship with your mom, then let him have a little talk with her too. They will get over it – if you go along with them, you might not get over it.

And I wouldn’t be too soft on the explanation with them. They’ve already been told what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. They’re grown women, and they’ll just have to deal with it. I think strong language is they key, and consistency, and Darling Husband being willing to repeat himself as often as it takes for them to get the idea.  – along the lines of –

“We’ve already explained why Sillyme isn’t working/is eating bread, we have received excellent medical advice and this is the way it’s going to be until Sillyme and Little Silly are home safe and well. Sillyme has enough to deal with right now, so do I, so we’d appreciate it if you’d both stop harassing her/us about it. “

How many weeks along are you? I’m just wondering how long you have to lie on the couch eating cheetos 🙂 joke..

Post # 7
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’d ask Darling Husband to say something to Mother-In-Law along the lines of – “Our doctor recommended partial bed rest because we’ve had pre-term labor and other complications. We’ll let you know if there’s anything you can do to help, but right now your input is making a bad situation worse.”

And I’d tell my mom that gluten free can’t fix everything and to please lay off or do XX if she really wants to help.

Post # 8
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@sillyme: You are not being too sensitive. It’s just a very difficult time in your life. I’m sure things will be ok. Just have faith. You are not lazy at all. You are doing what you can to save yourself and your child. As for working, that is not the priority right now, especially if your husband is there for you. Your priority is you and your baby. Sometimes family likes to interfere with the life of other family members. Keep your head up, God bless you, your husband, and your baby and just have faith that everything will be ok.

Post # 9
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If you keep biting your tongue darling you’ll end up with an ulcer to add to everything else! I know well it can be really hard to open your mouth and challenge people for your decisions, but at the end of the day they will keep moaning at you until they’re put in their place – which is supporting you, maybe helping a little, certainly not judging you for doing what your doctor ordered!

Actually, sorry if I’m adding stress here, but if you don’t address MIL’s behaviour now, you’ll probably have some fine bridges to cross when she disapproves of some of your child rearing choices.

Post # 10
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

@sillyme: Oh no! It can be so frustrating when you are following doctors’ order and you are doing what is best for you and baby, yet your mom and/or Mother-In-Law feel like they know better.

How does your husband feel about this situation? It seems like your Mother-In-Law is a little more pushy about the whole thing. If it were me, I’d ask your husband to either talk to her or email her and say something like “Mom, I know you  mean well about telling sillyme to go back to work. But we’ve done our research on this and met with a very well qualified specialist. It would be detrimental to sillyme’s health and our baby’s health for her to work. So I would ask that you lay off– if not for sillyme, then for me. Because if I lost my wife or baby, I don’t know what I would do. So right now, sillyme not working is the best thing we can do as a family to ensure that I have both my wife and baby at the end of this.” 

I know that it might seem a little extreme, but that might be the only way that she’ll really get it. And if it comes from her son

And for your own mom, what about a little white lie? Tell her you researched it more and it doesn’t apply to your situation. Or go even further and say you asked your specialist about the gluten free. And tell her that your specialist was very knowledgeable about gluten free and “agrees with your mom” about how beneficial it can be. But that your specialist said that in your case it’s not going to make a difference because it’s a different situation. And maybe spin it by saying that at the end of the day, you are going to do whatever you need to do to protect your baby. And if that means going to health extremes or not working or WHATEVER, that you will do it. Tell her that you finally understand how much she loved you all these years and how she always wanted what was best for you. And that now you want what is best for your baby. I don’t condone lying, but it seems like you are under so much pressure and stress that it might be good for you to get both your mom and Mother-In-Law off your back. 

Or go the honest route and tell her that her constant pressuring is causing you to be more stressed, and for the health of your baby and her grandbaby, you need her to back off. 

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. it must be so difficult and frustrating. I think that you have been calm and passive about this so far, but it is ok to step up and tell them to lay off! It’s not their baby. It’s not their life. And if you don’t step up, then it might just continue once the baby is born. (Not the exact same thing but they might constantly pressure you and be judgemental!)

 

Post # 11
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Hugs and prayers for a speedy and safe delivery!

Post # 13
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

((calming hugs))  Definitely let your Darling Husband handle this and if I were you, I wouldn’t go over to see them for a week or two.  Getting worked up is not helping your Bridal Party, which is no laughing matter.  I know I don’t need to explain to you the health risk of high BP/placenta previa, and it sounds like maybe some tough love is in order.  Have you Darling Husband bring them articles from a medical source on how serious it can be, and have him tell them that if they can’t respect your choosing your life and your child’s life over money, then they can at least keep their opinions to themselves.  Follow your doctors orders, stay off your feet, and relax with some much deserved rest.  

Post # 15
Member
14657 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@sillyme: I want to ask her what she would do if she was bleeding so bad she had to wear a pad, or if she went into preterm labor twice. Or if she had cramps so bad that she couldn’t walk or talk through them, or if she has passed out while pregnant due to overwhelmingly high blood pressure.

You are a bigger person than I for not having done this already.  I think I would have told her to shut the hell up and asked her exactly all that.  Then tell her if I wanted her opinion, I’d ask for it, and until then, to not bring it up with me again.

But, in the interesting of maintaining a relationship and not loosing cool, I think @Goldilocks1107 is spot on.

Post # 16
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Do we have the same family?

After my daughter was born, she had a severe health problem that required her to be on a heart and lung monitor 24/7. I quit my job shortly after she was released from the hospital. Mother-In-Law would ALWAYS call me like “It takes two you know, I only took two weeks off when [DH] was born, have you even looked for another job?”

I held it in for awhile, then one day calmly said. “No, I have not, and frankly I am done talking about this. I’m doing what’s best for my family right now in the best way I know how, and her health and safety is a much bigger concern than working any job at the moment.” If they don’t understand anyway and aren’t going to see your side of it, I say who cares about offending anyone.

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