Post # 1
I was just having a little bit of an argument (not serious) with one of my friends. She told me that men like it when girls are emotionless/ not emotional, and that when girls show their emotions to them it is a turn off. Whereas I argued that I shouldn’t have to hide my emotions to my SO! I know I can get extremely emotional and crazy sometimes, and I don’t expect anyone to understand me then, because even I don’t understand myself when I’m PMSing. I know most guys aren’t overly emotional or romantic but is it so wrong to want a guy to love you because of your emotions/emotional personality (being caring, loving etc…)
So what do you bees think?! Is hiding or playing down your emotions something we women have to do around our SO’s? Or should we just be who are, emotions and all, and have them love us for all of it???
Vote and explain if you want!!!
Post # 3
I think being or acting emotionless can push guys away just as much as being overly emotional. I know that when I shut down and act emotionless it really bothers my Fiance (not that I do it to upset him – just that when it has happened in the past he’s expressed to me that it upsets him). I think most guys want to know their girls care about them, just as girls want to know their guys care about them.
Post # 4
I don’t think I should hide anything from my SO, but I can be very dramatic aswell. Maybe it’s more about how we show our emotions?
I know Fiance gets freaked out when I cry – because for him, crying means something is seriously wrong. I can turn on the waterworks when I see a half-sad commercial or something small like that 😀 Also, I moved to a different country to be with him, and it gets hard sometimes and I cry. He then makes a big deal out of it and feels guilty for “bringing me here”, when in fact, it was my own choice to come here, live with him, and a little crying once in a while doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with him anymore.
So I have to make sure to communicate with him very well, because he doesn’t really know how to handle my emotions.
Post # 5
@GreenGables: I completely agree!
@maymorganite: For sure, I don’t always expect my SO to know why I’m crying all the time, because like I said, sometimes I don’t even know why! But I definitely don’t think I should have to hide it either! If I cry during a movie with my friend, and then watch it again with him, I’m not going to run out of the room just to cry! Because I think that’s not really being honest to who you are.
Post # 6
I show emotions, but I don’t make scenes in public. I think it would weird my bf out if I showed no emotion at all… Plus I kinda wear my heart on my sleeve, I usually can’t hide things from him even if I wanted to. He can see it all over my face!
Post # 7
I voted show some emotions..Don’t get me wrong I think our SO’s should love us 100% for who we are, but sometimes if I know I can handle a situation or use my own outlets(working out,baths etc) than I wont be emotional around him. I agree with a PP communication is key… some people think crying is a huge deal and that must mean something is seriously wrong, and others cry very easily.
Post # 8
I am more of a logically based/unemotional person anyway so I don’t have to hide anything.
Men hide their emotions all the time. I don’t see what’s wrong with women doing the same.
Post # 9
Geez, this is a hard one. I’m pretty “passionate” as many people have told me. I guess it can mean emotional at times but very few people see the “real” me. I hardly ever cry or get fuming mad.
Darling Husband told me he didn’t like emotional females in the past…but he said he never really loved them. With me, if I “build up the wall” to hid them he gets upset. He needs to see that I’m bothered, upset, hurt, etc. so he can fix it.
Post # 10
I think you should be who you are. When Fiance and I first met we hid some of our emotions… well… because it was a new relationship. All that ended up doing was leading to lots of little issues building up and eventually causing a few MAJOR blowout fights with screaming and yelling and crying and door slamming. Not nice. Once we started talking about how we felt and opening up more, that has all but stopped. In our current house that we have lived in for 14 months, we have probably had two “big” fights which essentially involved one of us getting angry, going for a walk and then coming home to talk it out.
Therefore, BE YOURSELF. If you can’t be yourself at home with your DH/FI, where can you?
Post # 11
Well, my husband is a very emotionally aware person and he most definitely does not like when people (me or otherwise) shut down (um, and he is romantic to in a genuinel not cheesy, way). Authenticity – including with emotions – is a relationship “must have” for him and I both, and that includes emotional honesty and communication. I can quite honestly say to your friend that she is generalizing all men into a category based on either a few she has known or some sort of social expectations or assumptions.
However, there is a big difference to me (and my husband) in being emotionally aware, emotionally connected and emotionally honest and being just “emotional”. I am a woman and I find it a turn off when people (men or women alike) do not even attempt to explore their emotions or take responsibility for how they direct or act on them and communicate them, or are dramatic, misdirect their emotions or expect others to take responsibility for how they feel. Even if one is sensitive from hormonal fluctuations, as an adult I would expect them to recognize that in themself and be mature enough to recognize they may be more sensitive and not expect others to mind read, or use those emotions to manipulate, or “act crazy”, or be unable to communicate what is going on with their partner.
Personally, I would not want a relationship where we were not completely authentic with each other. To me that emotional honesty and communication is an essential part of emotional intimacy and connection. If you cannot be “real” with another, what is the point in being together really, except to play act certain roles you seem to expect yourself and each other to play? That is a unfulfilling way to live and relate, in my own personal experience which leads to a lot of power struggles, miscommunications and a rather “superficial relationship” only. To me an intimate primary relationship is all about letting yourself be known, and learning to know the other, in a truly authentic way.
Post # 12
Be who yo are but keep some feelings for yourself. A little mystery is not a bad thing.
But I disagree that men only like girls w/o emotion. Some may be attracted to that but others love passion an even a bit of cray-cray…
My Fiance was def drawn to my passionate side, my “spark” as he calls it. Yeah, I can cry easily (sad movies, animals, babies, my past, lol…) but I laugh easily too. It’s not a roller-coaster but it’s not boring either..
Diversity baby! Makes the world go round!
Post # 13
I voted other. I think it’s really important to be who you are and to show your true emotions. As a PP said, it you can’t be authentic with your SO, where can you?
But, I also think it’s important to know yourself well enough to understand when your emotions aren’t the truest representation of yourself. When I’m PMSing, I hate the world at times. But, I know that’s really not my true feelings, and I try to not lash out at Darling Husband or others during those times, because that’s not fair to them.
Post # 14
Lots of grey area.
I admittedly turn down my “crazy” around Fiance. My exes in the past let me get away with a lot of shit. Being snarky, jealous, a control freak. FI won’t put up with it. He just has nooo tolerance for it. If I’m genuinely upset he’s always there for me. But if I’m just being a bitch, or being dramatic because I can- he’ll call me out almost instantly. I’ll try to give an example…
Like a week ago I decided to get jealous, basically for no reason. It’s like I was bored and just wanted to be a bitch, because I’d had a long day. Somehow I got onto the topic of a girl that Fiance had slept with before me, and made a comment about how she had an underbite like a shih tzu (yes Bees, I’m aware it’s petty). Instead of validating my jealousy like an ex would have “Awe, babe you’re way hotter!!” Fiance instantly called me out, and was like “Lindsay, stop being a bitch.”
So I am me around Fiance. I’m not afraid to say or express certain things, but I also know what I can and cannot get away with. He supports me unconditionally in my personal life (family, illness- anything appropriate to be upset about). He does not support my drama. If anything it’s forced me to mellow out, in the best way possible.
ETA: The second I’m away from Fiance, crazy me comes back. I love the man, but I’m pretty much incapable of never getting annoyed and running my mouth/showing emotions. So if he’s not there and I’m mad… I’m not afraid to show it to anybody else, haha.
Post # 15
My boyfriends best friend had a gf and she was like a guy, showed no emotions cared about nothing and when I would show emotions Cam would say he liked that and wished his girlfirned cared as much as I did so ya guys actually want you to care. so thats not so true. Don’t listen to your friend just be yourself.
Post # 16
I don’t think there is anything that universally all guys “like” or “don’t like”. Some guys may like a girl who isn’t very emotional, while others might want someone who wears their emotions on their sleeve.
I think also there is a difference between “emotional” and “throwing a temper tantrum like a 6 year old over some petty thing”.
That said, you should never have to hide or change yourself for your significant other.