Employer keeps saying I'm "quiet" and don't deserve a title change

posted 3 years ago in Career
Post # 16
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Other people have said exactly what I was planning on typing when I read your post – you’ve just got to play the game. Being able to chat informally with colleagues is something needed for leader positions – you have to get people to do what you want them to do and sometimes that requires different levels of communication than just being the boss and telling them what to do. It can be hard to make that change if that’s not what you are usually like in the office, but start joining in more with going for lunch etc. 

Post # 17
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I work like you in a lot of ways, I establish relationships with the people around me and can be quieter at meetings because I am soaking things in.  My bosses actually commented on how I tend to internalize things a lot last year, and I told them that is simply how I work in that type of situation.

I will say too I have a part time job separate from my main job where I hold a leadership role and I know I need to be assertive and make important decisions, which I do.  I actually thrive in leadership roles.  I am down to business but I also relate to the people I supervise.

If you want a manager position ultimately, you may just have to play the game.  You have to think of what your boss sees — you not being assertive, even though you have built relationships with other people around you.  I’m not saying stop being yourself, rather I’m saying be smart about being assertive.  Speak up more, and show your leadership potential.  It sounds like you are introverted, which I am too.  Introverts make great leaders, however your supervisors need to see that leadership potential before you are offered a promotion.  I know it’s uncomfortable and I get that, however you will need to put yourself out there to prove you are fit for the job.

Post # 18
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Maybe you’re doing too much, working too hard alone. It’s great that you’re so productive but a little bit less “dull office jane”  will help you immensely.  Fake it til you make it, force yourself to be even more social and bubbly. Get out of your office more, make work lunches happen more often with colleagues than 1x a week. Less work and more play/socializing at work, let your coworkers see that you are human and can bond with the team.

Post # 19
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

bostonbride2016 :  As several other people have said, you have to play the game. Getting promotions at work is 50% the quality of your work, and 50% being likeable. Sorry if that seems unfair, but that is life. I would say the expectation to be socialable is even higher in a role like marketing. (vs finance) But it’s really important in any role. Copying and pasting the response of another bee, who had some great ideas on how to turn this around. 

“i actually started putting “small talk” and “social lunches” on my outlook calendar. i walked around and did small talk for about 20 minutes twice a week (memorized co-worker life details and followed up, etc), and i went out to lunch with co-workers once a week. i also started bringing homemade cookies in about 4 times a year. it totally sucked…but it worked. i got several more promotions after that.”

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