(Closed) Encore brides…why?

posted 7 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I will take this one on!  My first marriage was more about the wedding then it was the marriage.  I was so into every wedding, honeymoon, and new house detail that I actually didn’t think to much about my new life with a new person.  Our marriage lasted 6 years, and we have three amazing kids together. 

While, that marriage didn’t last, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone.  Along came my love.  He is everything that I ever dreamed of wanting.  He has never been married.  So, we want to spend our lives together.  Why wouldn’t we get married?  This time around I’m excited about my wedding and my marriage.

Post # 4
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is your question about why people chose to remarry, or is it about why they would have a typical wedding for their second marriage?

And the phrase, “…the entire charade…” is kind of stinging…I doubt most people think of their wedding as a “charade” even if the marriage doesn’t last. Did you mean something more along the lines of “the whole shebang”?

Either way, I don’t know. I’m getting married for the first (and I hope only) time ever, so I don’t know about second marriages. But I can see why someone would want to have a big event for their marriage, even if it’s the second one. Why not celebrate the fact that you’ve found love, and that despite past experiences, you are willing to give the whole ever-after thing another shot?

Post # 5
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

My mom was an encore… a lonnnng time ago.  First husband was a big jerk to the infinite degree. 

Second wedding was a nice little affair to show my brothers the importance of creating a family, and to celebrate their love with the people that loved them and their new family.  Seems to be the theory behind any wedding.

It is offensive when you call it a charade even if you put ” i don’t mean to offend” … 

Post # 6
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Think what you will, but are an encore couple and we are having “…the entire charade…”. I know you stated that you didn’t mean to offend anyone, but I do take offense to that. You don’t know anyone’s background and it seems like you are judging just a bit and not just being curious. I, nor my Fiance, have ever gone through “…the entire charade…” before. Personally, I don’t care how old you are or how many times anyone has been married. If they want to do “…the entire charade…” again and again, so be it. Let them be happy.

Post # 9
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow, I’m really really trying to not write anything that may sound like a nasty response to your question…so here goes:

Implying that woman that are getting married for the second or more time shouldn’t have the same kind of wedding as someone lucky enough to only get married once is offensive no matter how you look at it. I personally was offended by your post, and if you read any of my previous posts you will see that I’m not AT ALL easily offended. But, I will NOT allow anyone to imply that I or anyone else are not as entitled to having “the whole charade” again. 

Please try to see how negative that is and understand that there are always reasons for why someone has to get remarried. 

My first marriage was a stupid choice I made when I was 19yrs old. I will be 29yrs old when I get remarried and I feel no less a bride as when I got married the first time, in fact probably more so because I am really in love and really know this is the real thing for me. 

Post # 10
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m doing it again because the first time it wasn’t real.  It was a very short lived marriage and the entire ceremony,etc wasn’t at all what i wanted.  The main reason I am doing it all again is because i want to create and share the memory with my true love.  Why would I deprive him of that experience just because I’ve already done it? If anything I think being an encore bride just gives you a little more experience in planning everything.  For me it also gives me a tremendous boost of confidence in being able to stand for what I want versus what others want. 

Post # 11
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@babymilka74:  I think you just answered your own question.  Now, there are some encore brides that don’t do more than a simple ceremony with just the two of them.  But those encore brides probably don’t join this site.  For the ones that do join this site, I think they have more in mind.  I think they all want to be able to enjoy sharing their vows and love with the people that mean the most to them, just like any marriage cermony.  Just because it’s another time around, doesn’t mean that they don’t have the same feelings as those couples who were lucky enough to find their soulmate with their first marriage.  So, with that, comes the “whole shebang” 😉

Post # 12
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@babymilka74: It’s not all about the bride. Remember that. A lot of second time brides remarry to first time grooms. Does he not deserve a wedding that he may want? I know some second time brides and the only reason they went with the whole thing was because the groom and the grooms family wanted it. 

I just don’t understand why some people don’t get that. Also they may be a second time bride but it’s a new marriage. Does it not deserve the same celebration as the first? 

And I love when people come here “not meaning to offend” but use phrases like “the entire charade”. 

Post # 13
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I was deeply and terribly offended by your post.  I have many things I could respond but the best thing to say is that I hope in your heart that you do not mean to come across the way you sounded.

 

Post # 14
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@babymilka74:

Are you getting a divorce?

Unless you are an “Encore Bride” as you put it, you can’t really say how you will feel or what kind of wedding you would want to have if you were planning your second one.  Saying “I would be very hesitant and feel very awkward going through the motions again” is easy for a person not in that postion to say. 

For people planning their second, third etc. wedding.  I say do and plan what makes you happy.  You can wear white if you want, lots of brides getting married for the FIRST time now a days are not “virginal” and wear white! 

Post # 15
Member
46371 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

To be fair to the OP, I won’t jump all over her for the use of the word”charade”. She has already amended that to”shebang”.,

And to be honest, it does seem a bit much when you have a bride or groom( or both) who have been married more than once before, promising to love etc “till death do us part” when the reality of that happening is pretty low the first time , much less than 2nd or 3rd.

 

Post # 16
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Miss Tattoo:,@unixfairy:,@chirod: Thank you all very much!!  I agree with you all. 

I don’t feel this thread was at all necessary and was plain hurtful to those of us in this situation. 

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