Post # 1
Let me start of by saying that this is NOT meant to be offensive at all and I’m sorry if I hurt anyone’s feelings. I am just very curious.
Having recently gone through the wedding planning and first marriage experience, I feel like if I ever got divorced, I would either not get remarried or certainly not get remarried in the same fashion. It would seem really odd to me to get all dressed up and go through the entire charade again and I know lots of other first time brides feel the same way. With that said, I also know lots of second time brides (including my mother whom I love with all my heart so I promise that this is not meant with any malice) who have done this. And I’m just wondering, without any judgement, why you chose to do it and if you didn’t/don’t feel weird about it?
Post # 3
I will take this one on! My first marriage was more about the wedding then it was the marriage. I was so into every wedding, honeymoon, and new house detail that I actually didn’t think to much about my new life with a new person. Our marriage lasted 6 years, and we have three amazing kids together.
While, that marriage didn’t last, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone. Along came my love. He is everything that I ever dreamed of wanting. He has never been married. So, we want to spend our lives together. Why wouldn’t we get married? This time around I’m excited about my wedding and my marriage.
Post # 4
Is your question about why people chose to remarry, or is it about why they would have a typical wedding for their second marriage?
And the phrase, “…the entire charade…” is kind of stinging…I doubt most people think of their wedding as a “charade” even if the marriage doesn’t last. Did you mean something more along the lines of “the whole shebang”?
Either way, I don’t know. I’m getting married for the first (and I hope only) time ever, so I don’t know about second marriages. But I can see why someone would want to have a big event for their marriage, even if it’s the second one. Why not celebrate the fact that you’ve found love, and that despite past experiences, you are willing to give the whole ever-after thing another shot?
Post # 5
My mom was an encore… a lonnnng time ago. First husband was a big jerk to the infinite degree.
Second wedding was a nice little affair to show my brothers the importance of creating a family, and to celebrate their love with the people that loved them and their new family. Seems to be the theory behind any wedding.
It is offensive when you call it a charade even if you put ” i don’t mean to offend” …
Post # 6
Think what you will, but are an encore couple and we are having “…the entire charade…”. I know you stated that you didn’t mean to offend anyone, but I do take offense to that. You don’t know anyone’s background and it seems like you are judging just a bit and not just being curious. I, nor my Fiance, have ever gone through “…the entire charade…” before. Personally, I don’t care how old you are or how many times anyone has been married. If they want to do “…the entire charade…” again and again, so be it. Let them be happy.
Post # 7
I’m sorry. The pp was right, the entire shebang is a better term. And I seriously didn’t mean any judgement. Like I said, I know lots of people who have a second shall-we-say “white wedding”. And many of them are people I hold close and support whole-heartedly. My curiosity sprung from the fact that for me right now the idea seems like something I would never do. I already wore white once and said these vows in front of my family and even though I think divorces are completely understandable I would be very hesitant and feel very awkward going through the motions again. And yet so many people I know or hear of do it and I think maybe there’s something I’m missing in all of this, so I ask. Again, I’m sorry if I offended you.
Post # 8
I might add that the reasons that have been mentioned: to set an example for your children, to celebrate love and giving it your all, because your significant other has never been married, etc. are all very reasonable and I totally get them.
If possible, think of this as a survey and not any sort of challenge.
Post # 9
Wow, I’m really really trying to not write anything that may sound like a nasty response to your question…so here goes:
Implying that woman that are getting married for the second or more time shouldn’t have the same kind of wedding as someone lucky enough to only get married once is offensive no matter how you look at it. I personally was offended by your post, and if you read any of my previous posts you will see that I’m not AT ALL easily offended. But, I will NOT allow anyone to imply that I or anyone else are not as entitled to having “the whole charade” again.
Please try to see how negative that is and understand that there are always reasons for why someone has to get remarried.
My first marriage was a stupid choice I made when I was 19yrs old. I will be 29yrs old when I get remarried and I feel no less a bride as when I got married the first time, in fact probably more so because I am really in love and really know this is the real thing for me.
Post # 10
I’m doing it again because the first time it wasn’t real. It was a very short lived marriage and the entire ceremony,etc wasn’t at all what i wanted. The main reason I am doing it all again is because i want to create and share the memory with my true love. Why would I deprive him of that experience just because I’ve already done it? If anything I think being an encore bride just gives you a little more experience in planning everything. For me it also gives me a tremendous boost of confidence in being able to stand for what I want versus what others want.
Post # 11
I think you just answered your own question. Now, there are some encore brides that don’t do more than a simple ceremony with just the two of them. But those encore brides probably don’t join this site. For the ones that do join this site, I think they have more in mind. I think they all want to be able to enjoy sharing their vows and love with the people that mean the most to them, just like any marriage cermony. Just because it’s another time around, doesn’t mean that they don’t have the same feelings as those couples who were lucky enough to find their soulmate with their first marriage. So, with that, comes the “whole shebang” 😉
Post # 12
@babymilka74: It’s not all about the bride. Remember that. A lot of second time brides remarry to first time grooms. Does he not deserve a wedding that he may want? I know some second time brides and the only reason they went with the whole thing was because the groom and the grooms family wanted it.
I just don’t understand why some people don’t get that. Also they may be a second time bride but it’s a new marriage. Does it not deserve the same celebration as the first?
And I love when people come here “not meaning to offend” but use phrases like “the entire charade”.
Post # 13
I was deeply and terribly offended by your post. I have many things I could respond but the best thing to say is that I hope in your heart that you do not mean to come across the way you sounded.
Post # 14
Are you getting a divorce?
Unless you are an “Encore Bride” as you put it, you can’t really say how you will feel or what kind of wedding you would want to have if you were planning your second one. Saying “I would be very hesitant and feel very awkward going through the motions again” is easy for a person not in that postion to say.
For people planning their second, third etc. wedding. I say do and plan what makes you happy. You can wear white if you want, lots of brides getting married for the FIRST time now a days are not “virginal” and wear white!
Post # 15
To be fair to the OP, I won’t jump all over her for the use of the word”charade”. She has already amended that to”shebang”.,
And to be honest, it does seem a bit much when you have a bride or groom( or both) who have been married more than once before, promising to love etc “till death do us part” when the reality of that happening is pretty low the first time , much less than 2nd or 3rd.
Post # 16
Thank you all very much!!
I agree with you all.
I don’t feel this thread was at all necessary and was plain hurtful to those of us in this situation.