Post # 1
Anyone who has been engaged before, were you worried about how your family would react when you got engaged the second time around?
The first time I got engaged they were happy, but it was a long engagement (that inevitably ended) but there was never that overwhelming “my baby is getting married!”… And I feel like when I get engaged again they might have the attitude of “will this one actually happen?” or not be as excited because it’s not the first time…
Did anyone else worry about this, what were your families reactions on your second engagement?
(note: I know my family will be supportive, and they only want me to be happy, so I know that it won’t be a NEGATIVE reaction, I just feel like the first one might cloud *the one*.) Thoughts?
Post # 3
I’ll comment that my aunt has been married 15 times and after husband #3 or so, the excitement began to wane. =P
Post # 4
haha WOW. Well this will be the last one, without a doubt he is THE ONE. But good to know that the second can still be exciting. lol
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay
when my friend got engaged again, we were just all really happy that she found a great person. we recognized that the first engagement did not work out for a reason. don’t cloud your happiness with concerns about how they might feel–what matters most is that you’re happy and your family is happy for you (which i’m sure they are).
Post # 6
well I’m not engaged yet, but I’ve definitely found *the one*. It’s just something that popped into my head this morning… I think they might even be more excited this time because they know how happy I am, and Jason and I have been together longer than my ex and I were before we got engaged… So I think they will like that it doesn’t feel as sudden, like the first one. 🙂
I’m glad to know that it won’t take that special moment away from Jason and I. 🙂
Post # 7
I was engaged once before, and I called off the wedding about 2 months beforehand. This time around, I was nervous about how people would react. I got a few eyerolls and my family is still kind of meh about it, but many people surprised me by being really, really happy for us and I could tell they just wanted me to be happy.
Post # 8
Like LittleSpitfire, I was engaged before and we called off the wedding 6 weeks before we were supposed to get married. That was about 10 years ago, though, so I was much younger then! This time, my family and friends were just as happy, if not happier for me. First, I’m older now and spent several years being single before I met C. Second, and the most important reason, they know what a great guy C is. They also know that I learned a lot from that previous relationship and wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. I don’t think my family or friends were worried about whether this wedding will happen or not, but I know C used to be until I reassured him otherwise. 🙂
Post # 9
I guess I wouldn’t be as worried if my step-mom didn’t make a comment over christmas… She doesn’t MEAN to be rude, but doesn’t always think before she speaks…
We were out to dinner with my dad and her and they were asking me about Jason (seeing as no one has actually met him), and I was telling him how happy I am and how perfect he is and then my dad asked about our future, I said we’re talking about marriage, but we don’t want to rush into anything, but I think thats the direction we’re heading in. Then the conversation turned to tv shows and I said I love Say Yes to the Dress and all the wedding shows, and she blurts out “one track mind huh?!” I was SHOCKED! I kind of just mumbled about how I actually just like weddings I always have (hello I was 11 and crying at A Wedding Story! not normal!) And then she tried to backtrack and was like “Well, when you get married I’m sure it will be beautiful, but you don’t need to get married right now”. THEN I get a lecture from my father about how I’m young and shouldn’t get married until I KNOW MYSELF… Uh, dad… Newsflash. I do. The reason my relationship with my ex didn’t work was because he cheated on me… not because I didn’t know what I wanted. I know what I want. He wasn’t it!
So I think that is still hanging in the back of my head, so I wonder if the rest of them will feel the same way… I know my mom and my sisters will be supportive I just hate that things got so far so fast with my ex… I don’t want it to take away from how truely happy I am now.
Post # 10
Maybe with your ex, you didn’t get that “encore engagement” because they all kind of knew he wasn’t right for you? I have a friend who got engaged at age 18 (she is almost 23 now) and it ended about a year later. She is now with a wonderful guy and she thinks about being “damaged goods” sometimes, but I think that’s crazy!
When you do get engaged to the right person who will complete your life, your friends and family will be very happy for you I am sure! It will be obvious that this time is different and that this guy is The One. Since you guys aren’t rushing anything right now, I bet with time your family will understand once the time comes to get engaged! Especially when he asks your family for their blessing and as a couple you show them how mature your relationship is.
Post # 11
My situation is a bit different. I have never been engaged before, but my Boyfriend or Best Friend was engaged to his ex-GF. That makes me sometimes worry that his friends and family will only think “Well, I hope this one works out!” when we get engaged.
I try not to think about that too much though, as my Boyfriend or Best Friend has told me that he loves me more than he ever loved his ex, and his friends all like me and were really happy for him when we got together. So hopefully they will have nothing but positive things to say about our engagement as well 🙂
Post # 12
Well since this is actually my 3rd official engagement-plenty of other relationships had the discussion of it heading towards marriage but no ring-I thought my family would just kinda roll their eyes and nod and say “uh huh…sure, and this one will actually happen?” but it turned out that they love my Fiance (more then they love me sometimes) and are all super super excited for us. More so then they were the last two times around. My family knows me and they know that my Fiance is perfect for me so they can’t wait for it to be “official”.
Post # 13
yep been engaged multiple times before. my mom was never really thrilled. she said i didn’t seem happy. now i am ecstatic and cannot wait 😀
Post # 14
The first time I got engaged it was only 3 months into my relationship. I really fell hard for him, and my family was shocked. They found out that we were engaged by seeing a ring on my finger. It embarrassed one of my aunts who had been in a relationship for 5+ years. They weren’t all that thrilled…and I was really shy about telling people. Not because of my lack of happiness, but because my family’s pretty judgmental and they told me that I was being stupid.
Then we elope, because he’s a Marine and we thought he’d be sent to Iraq. Family doesn’t take too well to this either.
Fast forward 2-3 years, and he abandons me, and within three months I’m with a new guy (current SO), and they’re extremely displeased with me that I didn’t give my cheating ex “enough chances” or “enough time to work things out.” Also, they told me that I was being stupid, again.
Well it’s been almost 3 years since I started dating my SO, and I believe that we may be getting engaged sometime this year…I know my family was trying to warn me about my first, but in all honesty I didn’t get a lot of support during the separation, only from those who really cared.
So in short, I don’t give a flying butt what others think. I don’t even know if I’d invite these people to my engagement party. The same way I took their remarks about me moving on “too quickly”. People are going to do what it takes to be happy. It’s no one’s business to decide whether or not you’re going to be happy with someone because in all honesty, no one really knows.
Post # 15
I think we are going to get engaged *REALLY* soon! We spent the weekend talking about weddings, prenups, receptions, wills, powers of attorney, love, expectations, ‘what is “doing it right”?’, etc.
I know everyone who loves me will shout a collective “hooray!” when they hear we are engaged. I had a really bad time years ago when I was married. This many is the sweetest, kindest, smartest and best…so many things I thought I’d never find all together in the same wonderful package. I am celebrating inside already! Will let you know what happens…I told him that when he decides he definitely wants to marry me, I’d like a nice dinner out and to be asked there. He seemed to think that made sense.
Post # 16
I wasn’t engaged before (well, not officially, though my ex and I talked about it), but my husband was. It was a premature relationship (they were only together for two weeks before getting engaged) and had a lot of issues. So when we got engaged, there were definitely people who brought up that relationship and had concerns that it was going to end the same way. It was rough, especially because my best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor was one of those, but I was also confident enough that our relationship WAS different, that my husband had learned from his mistakes, and I tried to communicate that. And in general, the people who knew both of us the best and were actively involved in our lives during our relationship were thrilled and supportive.
So yeah, you may have some people that make comments or express concerns, but as long as you’re confident that tihs is different, don’t let their comments get to you