Post # 1
regular bee going anon here. Recently, there’s been a lot of fights with my Fiance and in every fight he has threatened a break up or say things like “I’m so done with you”, “ I want you to pack up and move out”, and “this is not going to work” etc. He has said a lot of hurtful things that really breaks my heart. And he admits to saying those heart breaking things in the hopes that he will hurt me enough to make me leave.. I tried to talk to him very civilly and with a level head about his feelings and why he keeps saying things like that but so far nothing has helped. Tbh I feel he has checked out of the relationship and he has said “there is no us” so many times. When I bring up about my hurt feelings from his hurtful words, he said to me “what’s the point of you saying all this to me? If there’s no future for us, I don’t care.” I told him even if we end things why couldn’t we end it on good terms? And not on bitterness. Anyway.. we just got engaged in January and the ring wasn’t cheap.. in the case of a break up, what happens to the ring? Do I keep it? Does he keep it? Do we sell and split the money we get? I’m really in a very bad place now and am extremely hurt by his behavior (it’s repetitive) and there are a lot more problems that I’m too tired and sad to write out. So please.. no hate comments.. please just give constructive comments. Thanks bees!
Post # 2
I’m sorry you’re going through this. If he paid for it I would give it back. If you both contributed then I’d sell it and split whatever you sell it for.
Post # 3
In my OPINION he (or whoever paid for it) should get it back, unless deposits have been paid then sell it and he gets everything except any deposits you paid. Again, IMO, the ring was a gift with strings. If those strings weren’t fufilled then he should not be out the money for it. I don’t think its fair that you get all/half the money for something he paid for.
I think the actual laws depend on your state/province though. In some places it would be considered a gift full stop, so you keep it. In some states he would get it back full stop. So if you’re thinking about keeping it or trying to sell it I would check with a lawyer.
Post # 4
When I ended things with my ex I just left it. I decided that I didn’t want the fight that would come with me selling it and if I kept it and didn’t tell him I sold it he would just think there was false hope of us getting back together. And he used to bitch about his exwife selling her wedding rings so I said F it, he can keep the damn thing
Post # 5
I had to end an engagement because my ex cheated. In my state, the law states if you end an engagement before marriage, the ring goes back to whoever paid for it, as it represents a promise of marriage and the promise wasn’t fufilled. In my case, my ex paid for the entire ring, so I gave it back, no questions asked.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I also think it’s a bit unrealistic to expect things to end on good terms. I personally have only seen it happen once.
Post # 6
I would give it back (assuming he paid for it). In some states you legally have to give it back anyway. But either way, I just wouldn’t want the fight and it does seem like the fair thing to do.
Post # 7
In my opinion it belongs to whoever paid for it. It wasn’t really a gift, it was part of a trade.
This may or may not be the law in your area.
Post # 8
The ring was bought in the US but we have since moved to a different country altogether.. im not sure if there are laws regarding e rings here.. the e rings here tend to be on the smaller side so maybe there’s no law to protect those who spend a bomb on rings
Post # 9
if I do decide to keep it, I would recycle it and reset it into a pendant
Post # 10
My personal view is that since he is initiating the break up, you should keep it. Who proposes in January then realizes a few months later you no longer have a future together?!
Legally, I believe he is entitled to the ring back as it’s a “gift” that’s conditional on getting married.
Post # 11
Who bought it?
If he bought it I would return it. If you bought it jointly I would sell it and split the money.
Post # 12
It depends on who bought it. If he bought it, I’d give it back to him, that said, without it being the local law, you can do whatever you want. I’m just saying that if he bought it and the engagement is over, you should just give i’t back and close this chapter of your life.
Post # 13
Legally speaking, it depends on you Jurisdiction. In the US, it varies from state to state. Some states consider an engagement ring a conditional gift, which means if the engagement ends, the ring belongs to the party who purchased it. Other states consider it a conditional gift with fault, meaning that if the recipient of the gift is not at fault in the breakup, the ring remains with them. A minority of states consider it to be an unconditional gift, meaning the recipient gets to keep the ring regardless of the reasons for the marriage failing to happen.
Etiquette wise, if neither party is going to be pursuing legal action, the person who ends the engagement should relinquish their rights to the ring.
In your case, I would probably just give it back to him, since you don’t have legal recourse to keep it and it seems unlikely he will willingly let you keep it.
Post # 14
do you live in the US? what state do you live in? there is a legal answer here. in some states, engagement rings are considered outright gifts, in which case it becomes the property of the giftee (you) as soon as it’s given. in other states, an engagement ring is considered a conditional gift, in which case it becomes the giftee’s sole property only after marriage – if the engagement is broken before then, the ring must be returned. in new york, for instance, an engagment ring is the property of the giver until marriage, at which point it becomes the SOLE property of the recipient. even in the event of divorce, the ring is not returned, and it’s also not considered as a martial asset.
this is A LEGAL MATTER, and you need to find out what the law is where you live. this is not about what you, or anyone else, FEELS like you should do.
Post # 15
I think if he wants to end it, you should get to keep the ring. It’s compensation for his broken promise and all your time spent with him, not meeting another guy who would keep his promise. Sorry for his loss, bee 🙁