(Closed) Ended a 20 year friendship :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

:/ Not everything is meant to last, sadly and people do change.

Post # 4
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I understand where you’re coming from and I am so sorry. 

Post # 5
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m in a similar situation and our lives went down separate paths after high school. We’ve remained good friends but its hard to find common ground when your lives are totally different from each other.

Post # 6
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

You’re in good company.  Sometimes you’re just “going through the motions” and you try for years until you finally admit that you really don’t have anything in common any more.  Your values are different, everything is forced.  It’s just too hard to try any more.  So it’s better for everyone to just move ON!  And it does feel like a break up, cuz it IS a break up.

 

Good luck!

 

It does get easier as time goes on, like just about everything else.

Post # 7
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know how you feel.  When my fiancee and I started dating, my supposed best friend became very jealous of our relationship and sent me a Facebook message stating that she could not believe what I was doing, that her head knew but her heart had to catch up.  Why ???  because he is her ex-boyfriend.  From High School.  19 years ago.  She is married for 15+ years, with 2 kids.  Apparently, she was/is still in love with him.  Not kidding at all.  She even sent him an email (they stayed friendly, invited each other to the weddings, hung out with each other’s spouses etc), after she knew we were dating, expressing her feelings.  He showed me, shot her down, letting her know he loved me and reminded her she is married.  Needless to say, we no longer speak. 

Post # 8
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

i feel for you **hugs** same thing happened to me.  we’d been friends for over 15 years, after I started dating my Boyfriend or Best Friend and lots of other stuff, we drifted apart.  I kept trying to stay in touch and work on it but I got tired of being the “bad guy” and always bending over backwards to mend things.  she said “i just don’t know about your lifestyle and you don’t have time for me with your Boyfriend or Best Friend and everything.”  my lifestlye?  i work full time, hang out, spend time with my Boyfriend or Best Friend and my friends.  meanwhile, she is married and we never had this issue before.  just making excuses clearly.

anyway, it sucks and it really is like a break up.  it still hurts when i think of it.  now i don’t know where she lives or what she does 🙁  keep your chin up, some things just run their course

Post # 9
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I too ended a friendship of many years and although I will miss her and the good times, the bad were a good reason to end. I truly dont regret and I wish her all the best.

I never thought one could breakup from a friendship but just like a marraige can be so easily broken, why not a friendship. 

OXOX to you, I hope you heal sooner than later.

Post # 11
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@oracle:  I totally know the feeling. I ended a 15 year relationship and it felt very sad and sometimes I still think about it to this day and miss her but I know that it was the right thing to do

Post # 12
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am afraid of that happening to me. I have known my bestie for 15 years. Recently in the matter of months begain dating a new person, got pregnant and got married. I on the other hand have been dating my SO for 6 years. We are in totally different places in our lives right now and I really have to make the effort to maintain our friendship.

Post # 13
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

@oracle:  that is a strange comment “if anything really big happened to me, she’d be there for me”.  what the hell does that mean?  while it may seem like she wants to keep the channel of communication open in case of a crisis, it’s just really awkward.  like if something happened in 5 years, would you randomly contact her and she’ll help?  awkward…

 

you think it’s a lifetime friendship and hope that you’ll grow and change and still have that connection.  it’s heartbreaking when it doesn’t work out.

Post # 15
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

@oracle:  yea, it’s awkward either way.  

 

we only want people in our lives that enrich it, not detract and bring negative energy.  i don’t want someone in my life who doesn’t want to be there.  so this is a sad, rough patch, hopefully onto bigger and better things 🙂

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