(Closed) Ended a 20 year friendship :(

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
3615 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m in a similar situation and it’s actually with my maid of honor.  She’s been my best friend for over 20 years since kindergarden.  

We definitely grew apart, and she and I both know this.  We barely talk to eachother, and I’m always the one to call her or text her.

The thing is her daughter (5 years old) is like my “niece” maybe not so much anymore…but she still calls me Aunt Dee, and i’ve always been there for her birthdays etc..

It definitely does stink…I can’t imagine ever formally letting it go, but I think it’s apparent.

 

Our differences are, she likes to drink to get sloppy wasted, a lot….she can down a bottle of vodka to herself…I on the other hand have one-three drinks and i’m fine remembering my night.

She also acts lika fool…no joke…in public while drunk (obviously)… not saying i’m a party pooper I definitely can dance like crazy and have fun…but she’s just sloppy!

She is also busy a lot with her daughter, who she also drinks infront of and spoils and lets her eat ANYTHING at ANYTIME….not that it’s my business…but it bothers me

She likes the bar scene, I like dressing up and going out to dance and drink….she would rather go to these hole in the walls in sweatpants and a hoodie (love wearing those, but I like going out in style!)

Post # 20
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I know exactly how you feel. It IS like a breakup, it’s a friend relationship! I’ve been there, and know how tough it is. It’s not any easier though, knowing that your friend is a life-sucker. *hugs*

Post # 21
Member
3615 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Oh yeah, and I forgot to add that she also called me the day of my engagement party, said she had to pay her rent but she was going to give me a $100 bed and bath gift card and she was sorry.

I didn’t care that she never did, it was the fact that she went out of her way to call me, tell me she got or was getting me something…and then booked a $3k trip to a 4star hotel in mexico with her new boyfriend.

🙂

 I confronted her and she said well you didn’t even need the gift card yet you guys don’t live together I was just going to wait until another opprotunity or use it towards your bach party.

Post # 22
Member
496 posts
Helper bee

@BellaDee:  ugh, really?  it’s like, thanks but no thanks, just stay away lol

Post # 23
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I too had to end a very close friendship and often find myself mourning the loss. She was a wonderful person but was most happy when I was sad or messed up and she was ‘fixing’ me. It made her feel good. We had lots of good times but I started to feel like she was too toxic for our friendship to continue so I ended it.

This was years ago.

She recently got in touch with me (5 years after our ‘breakup’) and we had a great chat on the phone, so much had changed so when I go back home perhaps we will be friends again, I don’t know. What i do know is that I have grown up a lot and no longer need someone to lean on, there is nothing left to fix so maybe now we can be friends again. Or maybe she is still the same but at least this time I will know how to recognize the problem and get out before it goes sour.

Post # 24
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

I had the exact same thing happen this weekend, but it wasn’t as long as your friendship. I honestly think you are going to be happier in the end. The stress and hurt that a friendship on the rocks can bring to ones life isn’t healthy. I had a onesided friendship where I was always there for her through all of the breakups and she resented me for having my boyfriend since she was single and didn’t ever want to hear about him, but just cry about her problems so it got old fast.

Focus on developing a new friendship or take an existing friendship and make it deeper. Find someone that respects your relationship and your current situation. I am sorry you have to go through this, but it will just get better.

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