Ended budding relationship over kids – but feeling regret

posted 3 months ago in 30 Something
Post # 2
Member
5556 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

dellpro85 :  the right thing to do isn’t usually the easiest thing to do. He is 100% against having kids, you’re more on the fence but you see yourself having them eventually. You got anxious thinking of being with someone who would lead you to a child free life

You listened to him, you heard him, and you were respectful of what he was saying. I’m sure it was an emotional decision which is why you feel upset right now, but it was the right thing to do.

You did the right thing 

Post # 3
Member
2351 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Definitely the right thing. Why pursue a relationship with someone who doesn’t want what you probably want? It would just be harder to break up later. On to the next!

Post # 4
Member
9489 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You did the right thing.

Post # 5
Member
6740 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes. You did the right thing. People often avoid doing the right thing because it’s often the hard thing. 

Post # 7
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

You did the right thing. When a guy wants kids, he knows it. You can’t compromise on kids. 

Post # 8
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

You did the right thing.

Post # 9
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

I will chime in as well to say you did the right thing. You dont want to fall in love with someone who does not have the same desires as you about such a black and white issue. 

Post # 10
Member
4560 posts
Honey bee

Yes you did the right thing.  You did the mature thing and saved yourself a lot of future heartache.  Unless you want to be someone posting here two years from now telling us how you kept on dating him because you weren’t sure and thought you could learn to be fine with it but you can’t and now you’re wondering if you should stay and hope he changes his mind.  And then we’ll all slap your hand and tell you this wasn’t a surprise and he was honest with you from the start and it’s so much harder leaving a few years in than a few dates in.  Don’t be that person.

Post # 11
Member
781 posts
Busy bee

You both did the right thing

Post # 12
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

We’ve had bees who were upset about their SO’s not wanting kids even though that was made clear to them from the beginning….. to bees who’s spouses changed their minds about having kids.  Trust me you don’t want those scenarios in your life.  Both are pretty devastating for them to say the least.

You did what was right for you.  Sometimes “right” isn’t easy but its way easier than the above scenarios.

Post # 13
Member
10845 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

dellpro85 :  

You both did the right thing, Bee.  Each of you expressed your feelings about kids, being your authentic selves.  Being authentic is always right in relationships.

He did the right thing by being completely honest with you and not leading you on.  That was his authenticity.  He was gracious and emotionally generous in how he handled your conflicting ideas about children. I don’t know how he could have handled himself any better.

What that means, Bee, is that you were able to attract and recognize a man who sounds as if he has keeper qualities.  It’s disappointing that he’s not going to be your person.  It’s okay to feel badly about that.  At the same time, celebrate how well your radar appears to be working. It will work for you again.

It’s a gift that you both discovered this conflict so early on. Kids are an absolute non negotiable.  There is no compromise position available.

I am sorry that it isn’t going to work with this guy; but, give you props for picking a (seeming) winner.

Post # 14
Member
1901 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

You did the right thing. I had an exboyfriend who was dead set against kids. I didn’t think I even wanted another… until it was off the table altogether. I looked at it two fold… I wanted somebody who was okay with no kids, but if it was important to me would get on board. It wasn’t just the wanting no kids… it was also not caring what I wanted if that makes sense that was the issue for me. No issue with him or his feelings… I was grateful for his honesty, but it sucked that it meant we weren’t compatible. 

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