Ended budding relationship over kids – but feeling regret

posted 3 months ago in 30 Something
Post # 31
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

whitums :  no one lumped all mom’s together… 

If you’re not one of those jerks shoving babies babies babies down everyone’s throat, you’re not part of the mommy militia, you’re just a mom.

Post # 32
Member
3721 posts
Sugar bee

sboom :  Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t realize there was an actual definition of “mommy militia” to work off of. I am not one of those jerks, but I do take great offense to anyone who validates their life choices by putting down others. Perhaps we should come up with a name for that group. Seems that crosses into both some CFBC people and some parents. Could we name that instead? I think it would be more productive for all.

OP, sorry to derail. 

Post # 34
Member
2771 posts
Sugar bee

Just to play devil’s advocate….

I was in this position.  I wasn’t 100% sure, but was leaning towards not having any children.  

Then I met my fiance.  He has two older kids from a previous marriage and he was 100% done.  I decided to stick it out and have no regrets.  

(I also want to point out that I got divorced because my exH decided after we were married that he didn’t want kids and that was a deal breaker for me, so I did a complete 180).

However, I do have to admit that if SO didn’t have kids, I don’t know if I’d be as ok with it.  I like having his kids around….on occassion (they are 24 & 25)

OP, you need to listen to your gut.  If you want the option of having kids, this guy isn’t for you.  There are PLENTY of men out there that will be a good fit and want kids.  Don’t settle.

 

Post # 35
Member
10852 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

dellpro85 :  

Now I no longer think he’s playing fair.  He got lonely and took another run at you—very insensitive of him.  He just scraped your wounds open.

I liked him better before.  He seemed like a good egg.

Post # 37
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I was in a relationship with a man who already had a daughter and didn’t want more kids. He knew I wanted them so he broke up with me. It was hard but I respect what I did. I ended up meeting someone who also wanted kids so here we are married with an adorable son. Things happen for a reason and good for you for staying true to yourself and what you want. 

Post # 38
Member
5476 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

dellpro85 :  sooo this is possibly terrible advice. But do you HAVE to date for marriage and family? Are you capable of just dating this guy just to date? When I was just dating Fiance, I was SURE I didn’t want any more kids. I was contemplating a tubal ligation. Now, I’m on my third. Things change. People change. I think the biggest factor is your age. I don’t know your financial situation but you could consider freezing and revisiting if children because something you are sure of. 

Post # 39
Member
5476 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

dellpro85 :  just read the update! I don’t look at it in a negative light. He’s just thinking about you and reached out. We’ve all done that, no? 

Post # 40
Member
306 posts
Helper bee

Yes you definitely did the right thing. Instead of potentially posting on this board a year or two down the road asking why you can’t convince your otherwise perfectly nice husband to have kids you decided to do what was right for you. You feel bad because you had/have a genuine connection with the guy but not every guy you have a genuine connection with is the right one for you and that’s okay!

dellpro85 :  

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