(Closed) Ended My Engagement – Fear of Regret & Struggling to Go Through with Next Steps

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
60 posts
Worker bee

I am very sorry about what you are going through. I would approach it this way. Even in the (remote?) chance your relationship can be salvaged, probably it would be a bad idea to get married right away. You would be better off spending some time together without the pressure of a wedding and marriage, with all the expectations, and the family stuff, that they come with. You would have to take care of yourselves and each other and heal your problems, and that would be absolutely okay. So, don’t feel like canceling the venue is the end of a dream. You will have your dream, either with this man and at a better time, or with someone else. You are just wise enough to recognize that now is not the best time. Also, chances are 50% of your college friends will get married (or already are) and will get a divorce. You are not faulty or worse than them for changing your mind. Own your decision and your stance with pride. Much better this way than go through with a wedding that would have failed shortly after.

Post # 3
140 posts
Blushing bee

I looked up your profile and saw your previous threads. Having been cheated on by my ex of several years, I feel that relationships never recover from betrayal most of the times.

So even though it feels tough now, you’re making the right decision and hope you find the strength to go through with the cancellation. Can a friend help? When a friend’s wedding was called off, her sister helped with all the cancellations, etc by making calls/sending emails. 

Post # 4
2329 posts
Buzzing bee

Get thee to a therapist.

You have spent the last 8 months posting the exact same posts over and over. You seem to have some very serious issues letting go of things, moving on, executive funtion, etc.

Post # 6
2329 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m so glad you finally found the strength to rip the band-aid off!

My ex and I went through something similar. We weren’t engaged, but we had been planning to get engaged, and so I had to go through the same process of saying goodbye to the kids that would never be, the family life with him that would never be, etc.

We, too, approached the breakup as a joint effort and had to live together for another 6 months. 

Afterwards, amazingly, we remained friends! Fiance and the ex got along wonderfully and we all hung out together a lot – until the ex began dating his current finace, who understandably had an issue with our entirely platonic friendship. 

So, yes, it CAN be done, and it makes things a lot easier to not stoop to vilainizing each other. 

A much better partner for you is out there and you are taking your first steps down a path that will lead you to them. Start focusing on the future and it will get easier!

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