(Closed) Ending a 15-year friendship…am I being spiteful?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

First off I really am sorry you are going through this – when it seems like everything else in your life is just going GREAT! Congrats on the weight loss, the thesis, coming out and your engagement Laughing!!!!!!!!

If I were you I would still invite her to the wedding because she will expect to be there and you don’t want to cause any more stress or drama through this stressful and exciting time! Maybe she is going through some stuff in her personal life and just feels like she can’t be there for you right now – but if you guys remain friends after the wedding I think you will regret not having her there! And even if you don’t it will keep your life as drama-free as possible in these last two months prior to the wedding.

I wish you all the best and as long as you are happy with your decision (whatever it may be) that is all that matters!

Post # 4
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

I remember your earlier posts, congratulations on all the great stuff going on in your life!

I agree with FutureMrsMartin; formally uninviting her will cause more drama than it eliminates.

I really don’t think friendships need to be formally ended; they often just fade away, and she’s doing a pretty good job of this. You don’t need to reach out to her unless you want more drama & stress. Invite her to the wedding, know that she may or may not be there, and just let it go.

It hurts to realize that your friend isn’t your friend anymore, but ultimately it’s probably the best for both of you if you are moving toward different things in your lives. She may drift back into your life at some point, but for now (and for the past few years it seems) she just can’t be there for you. Focus on your own happiness and let her go.

Post # 5
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Kindred Oaks, Georgetown

I’m really sorry for this situation in the middle of all your joy. I’ve gone through things like this with friends in the past. Friendships have got to be a two-way street, meaning both people put effort into the relationship. There’s only so much you can do. Invite her to the wedding, if she comes, great, if not, it’s her choice. I would say cut your losses after that. If you’re important to her she’ll realize it and try to mend what’s broken.

Congrats on the upcoming wedding!

Post # 6
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

hi this sounds so much like my problems i had with my best friend. I understand what your going threw. She was going to be my maid of honor and then she told me she couldnt afford a dress, everytime we went out to do bridal stuff she was more worried about getting back to go to a movie with her boyfriend. To make a long story short i finally decided to not have her in the wedding, i did invite her to the wedding i have gotten no reply. She texted me saying that she wants to come to the wedding but doesnt want to ruin my day. Ive known her since the 2nd grade. After everything she did i decided to end a friendship which was really hard but it had to be done.  I would invite her even though you and her arent on good terms to be polite but if she doesnt come or reply it is her loss not yours. Goodluck and congrats!

Post # 7
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

sometimes people move on and the friends that you had years ago no longer relate to you… its not a crime, it happens, its life

by her disinterest, maybe she feels the same in some way and space and time would be a good thing between you 2

 

Post # 8
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Congrats on yourI think there’s an option between continuing to try to keep up a friendship, and “cutting ties.

Honestly, sometimes it works to just let yourselves drift apart.  I think that’s what she wants too.  Life can happen like that, and it’s fine when there’s not lasting hard feelings.  But making any move to visably cut ties is probably going to more heart ache and drama than you should be dealing with!

Keep things civil, don’t do anything drastic.  After the wedding it’s much easier to lose touch.  You’ll be busy with your married life…and it sounds like she won’t bother you too much anyway.

Post # 9
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

It sounds to me like the two of you are drifting apart naturally.  I know in my own experience, it has been hard to just let people that are toxic for me to naturally fade out of my life, but that is easier for everyone all around.  It sounds like you have so much that is good happening in your life and you just don’t need this negative energy around you…and I think soon enough you won’t have to deal with her.

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