Post # 1
I really need some advice/support. I have been with my fiance for 4.5yrs engaged for two out of those years. When we met things were awesome we moved in pretty quick but things clicked as the years have gone by I have questioned myself if I wanted to marry him so when he(finally ) proposed after long talks, fights etc I really started thinking. I obviously said yes and thought we can do this maybe I’m just nervous. I’m 24yrs old and he’s 30yrs old but immature. He has a son and we all have a good relationship. My problem is that money is somewhat of an issue and I know every couple with have money issues here and there but this is constant and nxt is kids I’m really not sure if he wants them though he says he does….another problem is when he gets mad he screams and curses at me and after he always says he doesn’t mean the stud&f he said but its hurtful. does rally doesn’t seem into the wedding like saving money and all and tends to make it known if he gives me money for the wedding. So recently I have checked out its just har bc we have two dogs, a house and a life together. I love him but can’t see myself marrying hiwand want to break off our engagement. Can someone relate to this? How was it(if you(you didn’t go back) I know I need to give myself a month but he’s so stubborn he prob won’t even talk to me after this. Btw we are 7 months from our wedding.
Post # 3
@missyhh07: if you are having these doubts, it’s better to tell him sooner than later. i had broken up an engagement / relationship after 8 years and a home together. it is not easy but needed to be done. if you know it is not for you, end it. please don’t let days turn into weeks, months, years like i did. i realized afterwards i just wasted so much of my life by waiting for it to improve. it didn’t. you are not doing anyone a favour by staying.
think about your options and how to achieve them. this will give you the strength to break things off. do you have a family member or friend for personal support?
please feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk to.
Post # 4
It’s much easier to break an engagement than it is to go through a divorce. You need to sit down and have a real conversation with him and tell him your concerns. If you can’t see yourself marrying him, you need to take a step back and evaulate where your fears are coming from and if it’s truly the right choice for you.
Post # 5
I agree with the others. I ended an engagement 3 months before the wedding with everything paid for and done. Had I not done it then, we would be in divorce court by now. YOU ARE STILL SO YOUNG!
Go and enjoy your youth.
If you are having doubts, it’s best to run now.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@missyhh07: “another problem is when he gets mad he screams and curses at me and after he always says he doesn’t mean the stud&f he said but its hurtful”
This was enough for me to say get out now. It is going to be difficult but you know you need to do it for you. He may not being physically abusive but this along with the other things you mentioned is emotional abuse which I believe is far worse. Yeah it sucks leaving, the house, the kid, and the dogs, but trust me, it gets better.
I left my ex at the age of 26 with -$15 in my bank account and a bag of clothes. Luckily, I was able to go back for the dog, the rest of my clothes, and half of the furniture and dishes. He got the house, my stepdaughter, the boat, the motorcycles, the stuff… But I got my freedom. Not to say the first 3 months didn’t suck living with friends and trying to fight off the depression of a failed marriage (along with navigating a divorce settlement in which I gave him pretty much everything because I just wanted him to go away.)
Over 2 years later and I am a better person for it. I know my own strength and independence and I know that I don’t have to put up with some guy’s BS just to avoid being alone. I met a guy who treats me well and encourages me to be an even better person by volunteering and participating in my community (which makes me feel like an even better person.) We have conversations I never knew I could have with my partner on political issues and family. Not to mention that the dog loves him and definitely snuggles with him more than me. Breaking it off will be painful for a while but if you make it a clean break (i.e. cut off ALL contact with him) then you will be so much better for it.
Post # 7
thanks for the support! I started to tell him last night and we only got to calling off the wedding….he couldn’t believe that I was saying this and then starting giving me your all I have and stuff(which he doesn’t really speak to his family) & I felt bad but I know I have to do this so I told him we are calling off the wedding and that I didn’t know what I wanted he was a little upset ovet this and he started to tear up which hurt me but I couldn’t get any further so I think it may be easier to wait a bit and tell him more than plus that gives me time to find somewhere to go….this is so difficult and I can barely look at him, I do love him but there’s just something telling me no. How did your conversations go when you told the other person? How long did it take to realize you made the right choice-I’m starting to think about losing my friends, dogs etc and trying to not let that side track me. Do you think people change when you have these conversations? Ugh…
Post # 8
@missyhh07: I broke up an engagement (we were together for 2.5 years; lived together; had a dog; shared 2 cars). It was tough and I had lingered but in the end, everything about the relationship felt wrong. i.e. money issues, he did the name calling, and, it was never about “us” only him. It took me a few months to realize I made the right choice.
I’m glad you took the right steps by calling off the wedding to give you some time to think things through. *hug* It will be tough but in the end, you need to do what is right for you and your future kids/family. Kids will see through an unhappy marriage; and, a divorce will be harder to deal with.
Post # 9
How do I know if what I said will change him or do you guys think reinvention were at this part it’s better to call all things off ? I feel like this is a horrible time with his bday in two weeks and all the other holidays coming up. I feel like if I take a week to myslef(go to my moms house) to think that when I come back it will be like I missed him.:..I’m trying to stick to my guns and having a hard time now but know that I need to do it? Ugh 🙁