Ending engagement????? HELP

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2708 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

confusedgirl7777 :  I Look at the wedding with mixed emotions; relief that the drama is possibly coming to a close 

What do you mean by this? Getting married will NOT fix any of the issues that you have, it’ll just make it harder for you to leave this man.

Sounds like your staying with this guy and accepted the engagement because he’s all you know and the relationship is comfortable. You’ve ben together 5 years but you’re only 21 and you’re clearly having MAJOR doubts, and possibly in love with someone else (your “friend”). There is no reason you should be getting married.

Talk to your fiance and be honest with him, if you aren’t ready to actually end the relationship thats your call but you should absolutely not be planning a wedding or allowing your partner to think that you’re ready for marriage with him.

Post # 3
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Get out and get out now. You dont need to be with someone because its “what you should do” you should be with someone you love and who loves you. From your post you are not really ready to be married to this man, he does not fulfill your emotional needs and that is not want you want to settle into.

Get out so you can both move on

Post # 4
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Are you currently in therapy?

Post # 5
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

You shouldn’t marry your fiancé just because you’ve been with him longer. TBH it sounds like you were skating on emotional thin ice with your best friend, aka emotional cheating for a while and now miss him. Coupled with trying to break up with your fiancé multiple times over the years=RED FLAGS! It’s blatant that you should not be getting married to this person. 

Yes your partner shouldn’t be everything for you but it sounds like you just need to be by yourself for a while and figure it all out. Best of luck

Post # 6
Member
3069 posts
Sugar bee

You have to face the fact that your relationship is not built to last. There’s too much conflict about too many things. You’re not right for each other, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been with him since you were in diapers.

And this: 

You stated that you became a true individual through my friendship with this person 

You sound both codependent and unable to identify an emotional affair. I suspect that you are afraid of being alone, but that’s when you really grow as an individual. 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

confusedgirl7777 :  All I see here is you justifying staying with your Fiance out of habit, and this side friendship filling the holes your relationship can’t.

Half way through this post I was steadfast going to write “break up with your Fiance, try it on with this friend” but I don’t think that’s the right thing here.

I think what you need is you. Alone. Able to figure your life out independent of someone else being a crutch.

Well, you and some sort of therapist, obviously, as there’s no way after all this time simply cutting ties and moving on is a thing you will safely be able to do alone.

Post # 8
Member
1777 posts
Buzzing bee

Until you figure out how to make yourself happy and complete you will always have difficulty because you will always be looking to someone else for your happiness. That is too much of a burden to put on anyone else. It’s always going to end in disaster and heartbreak because it isn’t sustainable. Stay engaged, ask for a good 6 months window before you plan anything. Find a therapist that works for you and work on yourself. Do not marry anyone until you are capable of making yourself happy and fulfilling your own emotional needs. If after 6 months you still aren’t at that point then maybe you need to be completely single for a while. 

Whatevers going on with your fiancé or best friend, neither of them is a solution. You will not be happy until you don’t need anyone but you would like someone. See the difference? I don’t need my boyfriend to be happy but I want to be with him 

Post # 9
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Girl. You need to be single. Not breaking up with this guy and sorta seeing your “friend”. Like straight up hard cold, bottle of wine for dinner and a chick flick single. For like a year or so.

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