(Closed) Ending Friendships…really???

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

There are prolly more reasons than just a wedding..the wedding brings out the problems.

Post # 5
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@LjchrIstian:  Each situation is different and shouldnt be lumped in together. My friendship with my Maid/Matron of Honor is something that I couldnt put up with anymore so I ended it. 

Post # 6
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@LjchrIstian:  Well, I haven’t really posted too much about my issue but I’m doing what’s best for my life and my future husband/family… Since I’m now  almost 30, yikes,  I’m starting to realize how much friendships (even long ones) grow and change.  I’m not basing decisions SOLELY on a wedding and the drama around it, but an accumulation ot toxic-ness within the friendship.  MsNarwhal is right, all situations are different. 

Post # 7
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Speaking from a personal experience – I lost a friend during my wedding planning process. She was a bridesmaid and I should have never asked her, so that’s partially my fault. But, even before the wedding we had problems with her constantly blowing off plans to the point that it was expected. She kept “forgetting” lunch dates and I didn’t feel comfortable with someone being a bridesmaid who couldn’t remember when she had casual lunch plans. I did have a serious talk with her about it and she said she would step up and then I didn’t hear from her for 2 weeks. Such a mess.

Post # 8
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I feel like weddings magnify ALL the problems that you have in your life and brings them in to focus.  With family, friends,  co workers… it makes you take stock in who is important to you, who has your back and who is looking for free booze and a dinner.

I am overly simplfying it but i know for a fact that after my wedding, I will most likely be down a few family members. That’s ok though, because we are so far out and they are showing their colors. It makes it easiser to decide who needs to be “cut” and who we want to work to have a relationship with after we are married.

Post # 10
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@LjchrIstian:   I picked my bridesmaids based on the relationship that I thought we had. Turns out jealousy, resentment, ext came out due to the wedding. I was not using my Maid/Matron of Honor as a place filler. I had been her friend since 7th grade and over the past few years I had noticed a change in her. I seriously doubt anyone chooses a bridal party expecting to kick them out. 

Post # 11
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you dont have any drama with your planning process and dont have to make difficult decisions like this then consider yourself lucky. The issues with my bridal party are difficult and VERY stressful to deal with. 

Post # 12
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Shit happens, and you find you weren’t dealing with who you thought you were. Call it a day, and move on, if that’s what simplifies your life. If the returns of your investment are of diminished value, it’s time to move on, just like in the world of macroeconomics. Sometimes that happens in life. 

Post # 13
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i think every situation is different and weddings can bring out bad sides in our friends/family, but its also important to know what your friends are like before you ask them to be in a wedding. one of my closest friends is very unreliable, which is why i didn’t make her my Maid/Matron of Honor, but she’s still a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  I love her and our friendship but I would never expect her to go above and beyond a bridesmaid’s duty, or really even do more than show up to the shower and wedding.

Post # 14
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@LjchrIstian:  There’s been a lot of childish drama and backstabbing.  I’ve known her for 20 years.  I’m over it.  

Obviously these girls were picked for a reason 🙂  but things happen!  Engagements can be long and people change and grow… I don’t think saying “as bad as them” makes any sense, blame doesn’t need to be placed.  Sometimes friendships end.  It’s hard for me to think this way because I’m such a people pleaser.  I never put myself first but I’m realizing now that this friendship is toxic for me. 

You’re statement is a very broad statement… and, remember, every situation is different.  

Post # 15
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@FutureMrsSuth:  Right. Some people just don’t have that capability.

Post # 16
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have witnessed some sad stuff with weddings. As others metnioned it seems to magnify and create problems at times!

I think this makes an excellent case for having no bridal party! Then your friends can remain at the guest level and not slip into the craziness territory!

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