(Closed) Ending opposite sex friendships when engaged/married?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 78
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Two simple words: emotional affair.

Post # 79
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I also heard how a pastor saw a woman whose car had broken down.  He kept on driving, however, because he knew it would be wrong to be alone with another woman.  He wouldn’t even ride an elevator with another woman.

Post # 80
Member
1028 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
catlover29:  There are also Pastors who are ok with men beating their wives, homosexuals being killed, and slavery. Don’t mean they are right either. 

I find it hard to believe that an honest, God fearing man, would leave a person stranded on the side of the road Just because it was a woman. 

Post # 82
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

What if the friends were ex girlfriends or boyfriends? Or had been friends with benefits but they said they no longer felt that way and we’re strictly friends?

OR what if it was an ex husband or wife and they hung out for the kids ? 

Is there a differnce in those scenerios? 

Post # 83
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Tennessee

I would never expect DH to drop any friendships, female or otherwise, that he genuinely wanted to keep. Now, he did have a falling out with a girl friend who also happened to be an ex. Lots of weird drama going on there. While I’m rather glad that they don’t talk anymore, my dislike of her doesn’t stem from the fact that they dated. She has a negative/aggressive personality and she rubbed me the wrong way. But I never once asked him to not hang out with her or made him feel like I was making him make a choice. 

On the other side of that fence, I have a friend (male) who I’ve been friends with for years. One day he met his future wife and I was so happy that he’d found someone so great. She’s very nice too. Super sweet. One of my and my friend’s “things” was our mutual love for X-Files. They got engaged a bit before the last movie came out, and he and I made plans to go see the movie. His Fiance has no interest in the show and didn’t want to come. She knew we were going alone, had zero problems with it, and to my knowledge, never said a thing. But before we left the theater that night, I told him it was too weird, and if we ever hung out again, she would have to be there. It felt wrong being alone with another woman’s man. Even though it was completely innocent and platonic. That was the last time we hung out, but we still chat on facebook, the friendship certainly isn’t over. Not everyone would feel that way in that situation, but once that ring was on her finger, our relationship changed. At least, I didn’t feel comfortable with it the way it was anymore.

So I do understand that kind of boundary, but the way it comes about is very important. Trust is important, but everyone’s feelings just as important too. And no one’s feelings should be ignored because “they should trust you.” Marriage is about compromise after all. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Ravenne.
Post # 83
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

My S.O. has a friendship with a woman who he calls his “sister”. After dating for a while, I discovered that they almost dated in the past. In the present, they still have *chemistry* with one another. Eye contact,  laughing with eachother, arm around the shoulder. Honestly is all in the eyes and body language. My S.O. didn’t deny the chemistry when I brought it up and said he only wanted to be with me. He said she is a very close friend for years. She is also in a relationship  with his best friend so it’s kind of tied together that way as well. However my S.O. and her have had chemistry for years before me and it hasn’t gone away. In my experience, chemistry usually goes away with someone you’re not dating…what are your thoughts on this? 

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