Post # 1
So my last thread was answered very nicely and everyone was so helpful so I’m hoping to get some helpful answers to this delima as well…
I’m not sure if I’m going to invite certain family members to my wedding. A couple uncles I have.
Here’s the issue. I’ve known them my whole life and have been around them my whole life (not because I wanted to but they were just there) they were nice and all though.
They want to go to the wedding. Problem is two of them are ex crack users. And they were on it for years and just stopped in the last two to five years. Which I am SO happy for them to have finally done this. The other Uncle is an alcoholic, but he was the only normal one when I was a child. The drinking is a new thing.
My fiances family are mostly all well established non drugs non drinking influential people.
So our wedding is formal right? Well the last family wedding that was formal these people wore jeans and ripped up t shirts. One of them didn’t even wear shoes. It was an out door wedding but come on now!
So what do I do in this case? Would you invite them? If so how would you make sure they dresses appropriately?
Post # 3
If it were me and I really wanted them there I would invite them and not worry about their dress. I would of course inform them the same way anyone else was being informed about the dress code…I honestly don’t know how this is normally done. But other than that, I’d let it be.
Just me 🙂
Post # 4
Either invite them, and let each wedding guest decide on how they want to dress. Or don’t invite them at all.
Its rude to dictate to an adult what they should wear, not everyone can afford a new dress clothes. Your inviting them there because you want them to share in your special day, regardless of if they wear jeans or a suit.
If they want to wear jeans and sneakers as your wedding guest, thats ok, this does not reflect you, it reflects that particular guest.
Post # 5
I can feel you on this! While I don’t have any particular family or friends I’m concerned about, I do feel that the way people dress to go to a formal event has fallen short. I’m surprised by the way people show up to weddings nowadays. I’m having an outdoor ceremony and a tented reception at my grandmother’s residence because it’s big and beautiful. It will have all the formality of a banquet wedding, but prettier in my opinion! However, the minute I say I’m having an outdoor wedding people think it’s some kind of flip flop wearing, keg stand doing, pot luck! Not that any of that is bad, it’s just not what we’re having so please resist the urge to bring your beer bong and shot glass necklaces. xoxo the bride lmao!
Post # 6
Which side of the family? Brothers to your mom or dad or more distant uncles? As far as invites go, I wouldn’t say anything ON the invitation, but you could ask your mom/dad/trusted family member to check in with them to make sure they have something appropriate.
My fiance does not own a suit or any kind of dress pants, and when we were dating, he went to a funeral and a wedding in jeans, and I was like, Uh….ok. We had another funeral to go to last year and he borrowed a suit from his dad. If they have had no reason to dress up, then they may not ‘get’ that they should have something dressier to wear to special occassions.
Post # 7
If you are legitmately concerned that will get intoxicated and be a danger to themselves or others or cause a scene with inappropriate behavior, don’t invite them. If your only concern is their attire, you’ll probably have to get over it. If they show up looking like jackasses, it only makes them look like jackasses – no one will think less of you for it, and you’ll save yourself the stress/drama of offending family members, which will likely be far more upsetting than seeing ripped jeans.
Post # 8
I second JFay’s suggestion to have another family member assist them with acquiring something appropriate. We have some excellent thrift shops in our area where I recently helped one of my students purchase dress slacks, dress shirt and a tie for less than $30 total. Perhaps something similar could be done to assist them. I also agree that if you feel this occasion might tempt them to start using again, best not to include them. My father’s people were this way and I completely sympathize with your situation – good luck!
Post # 9
@kris325: I would invite them and buy them suits, shirts, ties (the entire outfit) for them. I would even make a day of it and use it as a bonding experience.
Post # 10
The 1 I would question inviting is the current drinker IF you feel this might be a problem at the wedding.
Other than that- invite! These are 2 people who are making better life choices and their past (using crack) should not affect the present relationship they have with you.
As someone else said dictating what they should wear is rude and picking out outfits for grown men (even if you are paying or t’s a thrift shop) is disrespectful.