(Closed) Engaged 1 yr:Waiting Waiting waitin

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

No, but we’re not that religious. I personally don’t understand why the pastor gets to tell you when you can get married. But this is your FI’s religion… any way you can change pastors or talk to the pastor about why on earth he’s delaying your wedding?

Post # 4
Member
9718 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

What?!  I’m sorry, am I understanding you correctly?  Your Pastor is deciding your wedding date?  Yikes, wth?  No way would I allow anyone besides myself and my FI to dictate something like that.  I’ve never even heard of a religion being that strict, do you mind my asking what kind of church this is?  Sorry, this is kind of shocking to me, I certainly don’t mean to offend and apologize in advance if it seems that way.  However, I hope you can cope with it.  And, YES, you really should consider at least trying your FI’s church just to see if it is less controlling. 

ETA:  Sorry for my mistake, I see this is your FI’s religion, so please disregard that part.

Post # 5
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Woah there… you’re waiting on him to decide you can get married? Why cant you get married whenever you want? Did he give you a reason? Is this because the church is booked?

And this is why I am not religious.

Post # 8
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree that it does seem strange for the pastor to tell you your wedding date, but it isn’t unheard of I guess. Several churches in our area have pastors that won’t marry unless you have been engagaged for at least 6 months. I do believe that if you are drasticly changing your belief system it would be good to give it time to sink in and make sure it is actually something you want. But not having a date going to be overly stressful on you and your Fiance not knowing when it will end. Prehaps your Fiance could gently bring it up with him and ask when you might know a date? Do you mind if I ask what religion?

Post # 9
Member
9718 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Mz Izzie:  You’ve been waiting a year?  This just doesn’t make any sense to me, I’m sorry.  Is this Pastor really as concerned with each couple’s happiness as he is with making his church “look good” by having a “good” marriage rate statistic?  Ugh.  I wouldn’t want marriage under those conditions.  And who is he to say what makes a good spouse?  Something about this just doesn’t seem right to me . . . I would love for you to explain further if you don’t mind.

Otherwise, bless your heart!  (I’m Southern and this is what we say in the way of being comforting, lol).  I hope you can get things resolved soon. 

Post # 10
Member
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I may not understand correctly because we’re not super religious, but why does your pastor get to decide your wedding date?  That would not fly with me and I would be researching other options, like….yesterday.

Post # 13
Member
9718 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Mz Izzie:  You’re welcome.  How long have you been trying to get an appointment?  I feel for you, it seems like way too much infringement on your personal freedom, IMO.  However, maybe we need more details to be able to give better help to you.

Post # 14
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

So what is the reason why you haven’t met with him yet?

Post # 16
Member
9718 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

11 months seems like plenty of time to have proven your sincerity as an engaged couple.  You said he’s “keeping fatherly tabs on us looking at our progress,” can you explain that further?  You are both adults, is that correct?  What kind of progress is he keeping tabs on?  In what way do you feel you both need “looking out for?” 

The topic ‘Engaged 1 yr:Waiting Waiting waitin’ is closed to new replies.

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