Engaged @32; Feelings of older brides?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I’m engaged at 34. I don’t feel old. You’re not old. At 26 I would have never envisioned myself married or in a serious relationship. 

You can easily plan a wedding in 6 months. My friend managed it, and she’s having 200 guests and 10 bridesmaids. I started wedding planning a year and half beforehand and it burned me out. There’s no point in starting so early unless you have very specific requirements. A 30 person wedding sounds beautiful and wonderful. 

Post # 3
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee

I got married younger but we also paid for our own wedding and had a 9 month engagement. Approx. 75 guests. I felt very proud that we were able to execute our day without burdening our families financially.  For us, it was further proof that we were prepared for the responsibilities of marriage. So I wouldn’t feel bad about that aspect.  

Post # 4
Member
316 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
jetsetbee2 :  I mean…you’re 32, not 62 lol. It’s within the normal range, just higher end. But still normal.

I’m 32 and engaged.

Yes, when I hear about parents paying for the wedding for other brides, it’s just another reminder that my parents don’t have excess money. But that’s part of the advantage of marriage in your 30s: you have a bank account. I’ve been the oldest one at bridal shops, too. It sucks. Idk why but when everyone in the shop is 25 you feel like “Geez, where did I go wrong am I a loser am I less skinny/pretty?” But then you slap yourself..because…you’re marrying the love of your life. lots of them are religious and get looked down upon for being together too long without marriage. Or they’re saving their virginity for marriage (surefire way to make a guy propose jk lol)

Post # 5
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

The average age for females to get married here is like 29 so half the brides are 29 plus. I got engaged at 31 and married at 32. Didn’t feel old. I had a 10 month engagement and it was more than enough. Could easily do it in 3 months tbh.

Post # 6
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

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Marie2 :  I feel mildly offended by this comment. I got married at 26, and it wasn’t for religious reasons or appearances. I felt ready to commit for life to my partner who I had lived with for several years. I had many friends who got married around the same time, and only one did for purity/religious reasons.

I don’t think that 32 is at all old to get married! But surely it must be possible to make that point without writing off younger couples. Some adults decide they want to enter a formal commitment in their mid 20s, others decide to do so later. Everyone has their own journey.

Post # 7
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2021

I’ve just turned 36 and I just got engaged! We will have a long ish engagement of 18 months – 2 years too.  It hasn’t occurred to me that I might feel like an older bride, if anything I feel super confident that the person I’m marrying is the one, more confident than I might have felt 10 years ago anyway! I’m really going to enjoy stringing my engagement out and being super extra at my wedding as one of the last out of my friends to do it 🙂 I also have the cash to afford things I might not have been able to several years ago too (I’m also financing my own wedding) I think getting married younger has its pros and cons as does being older, but I think ultimately the excitement is the same regardless! Enjoy it! 

Post # 8
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I was engaged in my mid 30s. The average age for a first marriage here is 31.5, and if you factor in remarriages then it’s 35.5! So my age wasn’t abnormal at all, and I never thought of it as an issue.

We paid for 2/3rds of the wedding ourselves. My Mom surprised us with a contribution but we were not expecting it when we made our plans. Our other parents are dead so we certainly didn’t have a wedding inclusive of traditional parental roles.

A lot of what the magazines try to sell you isn’t important for a wedding. When we were planning, we focused on the things that were essential, eg booking the ceremony and booking the reception venue. If those things happened, we would be married, and have our loved ones with us. The rest was nice but wouldn’t make us any more married. Few people remember the favours or the flowers! Concentrate on the essentials first. Six months is enough. We had 11 months but we could have done it in 6 – most of the work was concentrated at the start and end. We didn’t do anything towards the wedding in the middle.

Ps we did e-vites which made it quicker than designing paper invitations. No regrets there. Might be worth considering. 

Post # 9
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
jetsetbee2 :  Stop comparing yourself to 26 year olds. Stop comparing yourself to any age. 

Should 26 year old brides feel badly when they hear a 24 year old bride talking about her wedding?  What about the 35 year old bride who sees you?  Should she go cry in her pillow because she’s not 32?  Would you feel good about getting married at 32 if you overheard that 35 year old bride expressing concern about her age?   “Whew, at least I’m not trying to get married at 35” 

I’m not trying to be mean or discount your feelings, but why are we women so obsessed with age?  It’s a rhetorical question, I know the answer, but you’ve got to let that shit go. 

32 is a great time to get married.  You are young and in love with your whole life ahead of you.  There is nothing wrong with a 6 month engagement followed by immediately TTC.  I’m sure you will be a beautiful bride.  Enjoy the excitement and the planning and dont worry about what others are doing. 

Post # 10
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

I was engaged and married in my early 30s as well. In my region and social circle, it is very much the norm.  I have one one girlfriend who was married at 26, which was considered young to us.  

Get married in your 30s has a whole set of benefits.  You are less wrapped up in having an “Instagram wedding”, and have the confidence to have the wedding you and FH want.  In your 20s, you were more concerned with trends, while in your 30s you have developed your personal style and your own “classic” tastes. You have likely been a guest at quite a few weddings, and have seen what works and what elements you want to pass on.  You are in a much better financial position than where you were a decade ago, and can afford the wedding you want, without putting any financial obligations on parents/family. 

Stop focusing on and comparing yourself to younger brides-  if you pull back and look at the big picture, I’m sure you will also see 40 something brides at the bridal shops and wedding expos. The right age to get married is the age YOU are ready.

Post # 11
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

I was engaged at 38 – so I get being an “older” bride.  It hasn’t been all bad, but I did get a bit salty at a wedding show where this wedding planner was telling me how so many moms hired her for their daughters so they could get a break in planning.  Wow, talk about feeling out of place.  My mom isn’t paying for a thing for my wedding nor would she need to hire a planner to take the pressure off of her. 

Aside from this, I’ve only had a positive experience being an older bride.  My FH and I walked into all vendor appointments confident and able to make decisions because we are paying for everything ourselves.  I was treated beautifully at the bridal salon and if there was someone half my age there I sure didn’t know it. 

Post # 12
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Older bride??? 

I got engaged at 35 and married at 36. I was a bit nervous how my friends would react because I was one of the first ones to get married… 

that said 30 people sounds like you still have the option to use an “elopment” wedding package/planner. They usually stop areound 20 people but for a little extra I am sure you could add 10 people. Those wedding planners are very reasonably priced, they will plan everything for you and you won’t have a second of stress. that’s what we did minus the 30 guests. We had an “announced elopment”. It was great. I “planned” it in two days. It was the most amazing day

as I am about to enter the wedding business myself I just planned and executed my best friend’swedding. Destination wedding in Florida. 12 guests. 1 beach and 1 one very happy couple. I don’t say do a destination wedding just look into those kind of wedding planners. 

Post # 13
Member
9639 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i got engaged at 32.  married 7 months later.  i didn’t feel old. my mom also garciously offered to pay for everything.   

in my circle of friends i was the end of the middle.  so not first, my certainly not last.

Post # 14
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2021 - Dracut, Massachusetts

I just got engaged like two weeks after my 33rd birthday. It’s a pretty normal age to be married at. There was only like one other girl when I went to the bridal shop but I wouldn’t have really thought about her age. I was not ready to be married at 26, and I sure wasn’t with the correct person either.

My FH and I are funding our entire wedding- my mom only offer to pay for my dress. We will have a 14 month engagement.

Post # 15
Member
1908 posts
Buzzing bee

Your problem is that you’re worried about other people, regardless of how old they are.  I got engaged at 34 and married at 35 and didn’t think twice about being an “older” bride or what “younger” brides were doing.  Like…what?  Why?  I focused on getting to enjoy this amazing time.  I found an absolutely PERFECT man for me and after a few very difficult years trying to find him in the dating pool, that was gift enough, LOL.  We, and our families, were so over the moon about the happiness to come that it didn’t occur to any of us to think about any situation but ours.  We planned our 135 person wedding in about 10 months and it was everything I could have hoped for.

Worry about other people less, focus more on your own happiness.  You’ll be better off, I promise.  Comparison is the thief of joy…and is also a waste of time.

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