Engaged a year but cannot get married/set a date. Really struggling

posted 3 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
13594 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry you’re going through this difficult time.  However, without knowing the specifics, it’s really hard to provide any advice.  

Post # 3
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I vote courthouse wedding. Just the two of you. Also, if you really want to be together you’ll figure something out. Would be helpful if that was explained.

Post # 4
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

For me an engagement is when you are actively planning a wedding regardless if you have a ring or not. I honestly think a courthouse wedding is best 

Post # 5
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

But why CAN’T you just say F it and get married?

Post # 6
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

If you truely can’t get married for whatever reason, why can’t you get a stand-in ring made of CZ? You should be able to find something cheap on Amazon. It might make your engagement feel more legitimate to you then. 

Post # 7
Member
4042 posts
Honey bee

Whatever your issues are, I suspect they will resemble excuses rather than reasons. The difference is subtle, but it’s there. Two 26 year olds ought to be able to figure out how to live together and set a wedding date. You both may have to step out of your comfort zone to do this.

Your story rings a bell. Is your fiance disabled? Do you have a condition that makes life more challenging? The poster I’m thinking of had autism I believe.

Post # 8
Member
1142 posts
Bumble bee

Bee, find a pretty white dress, get your fiancé in his best suit, and go down to the courthouse. There are rings on Etsy for $80 that will work perfectly well. 

You say you “just want to be married”, but you obviously are making excuses. 

Post # 9
Member
2823 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

ladybug1993 :  sounds like you’re saying a whole lot about nothing.  Why EXACTLY can’t you go down to the courthouse this week if you *both* truly want to get married? 

Post # 10
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

My sister was in a complicated situation when she got married as well (she was 25 and her fiancé was 29). He was working in one city and she was in med school about 3 hours away, so they couldn’t live together. They had a tiny ceremony at his hometown synagogue and lived apart for almost 5 more years after that. So it is possible to figure this out!

Is living together a pre-requisite to legal marriage for you? For some people this is a no-brainer, but you don’t seem open to the common answers. And since you don’t have his parents’ support, a traditional wedding may not work for you, anyway.

Post # 11
Member
2218 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

That sucks, but why not have a courthouse wedding? It costs like $40 and takes an hour. You can do it pretty much anywhere. 

Post # 12
Member
2676 posts
Sugar bee

Nothing in your post explains why you can’t get married or live together, so it’s impossible to give you advice 🤷‍♀️

 

Post # 13
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee

What is keeping you from becoming independent from your families? Without this information, we cannot advise you properly. 

Post # 14
Member
1395 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Your circumstances sound sucky. Sorry you guys are going through that. I tend to agree with PPs tho, there’s nothing stopping you guys from going to the courthouse or even a planned elopement spot of your choice and just getting married. If you are worried about your religion, is it possible to have a religious ceremony down the road? Vow renewal or something like it? Also when it comes down to it none of your parents opinions matter. You just need to do the best thing for you guys right now. You will be each other’s immediate family and that’s the only opinions that should take precedent. Unless of course you’re relying on your parents for (partial) financial support then my answer would be to wait…

We went through something similar. We were together a long time and had a long engagement and never lived together until after we were married. We kinda did things backwards but it all worked out in the end. His parents wanted the whole big wedding and religious ceremony. Except that they weren’t going to pay for any of it. We would have had to take a large chunk of our down payment money to be able to afford the big party. And have to rebuild our DP and put off buying and not living together even longer (we were LD at the time). A place to live was higher priority no question, so we eloped and they were pissed. They are mostly over it (a year+ later) but if people really love you then they will come around. 

Goodluck and hope things turn around for you quickly!! 

Post # 15
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

You typed A LOT of incidentals without giving a reason you can’t get married. If you want real advice or support, take a few minutes and type it out. 

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