Engaged after Brutal waiting

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Congrats!! Your ring is stunning! 

I think the waiting resentment fades with time. For me it took a while to really get excited about wedding planning. I think 20% of it was the resentment and the other portion was because I’m just not the girliest girl who always dreamed of her wedding. I also had to realize that the way movies and social media portray engagement isn’t realistic and being in my 30’s I know better than to let an engagement not being movie perfect bother me long term. 

happybee45 :  

Post # 4
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

Congratulations! Your ring is beautiful! Hope you feel better about your situation soon. Best wishes!

Post # 5
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

happybee45 :  you had 2 kids with this 50 yrold yet he continued to hurt, insult and erode your self esteem for years by being unwilling to marry you! *Of course* you still have lingering resentment and hurt. Given the past I personally don’t think I could trust him to be all fully “in”, but you’ve created a family with him already. Honestly at this point I would just want the legal protective stuff a done deal. It’s a beautiful ring though. 

Post # 6
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee

Your post reads as very deflated.  I do hope you find your happiness and don’t just settle for contentment.

Your ring is beautiful.

Post # 7
Member
2669 posts
Sugar bee

I hope it’s not a “Shut it up” ring!!

Post # 8
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Congrats bee

Post # 9
Member
993 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry bee. You don’t sound happy. I’d be worried he’ll back out based on your past posts. The ring is beautiful, but to me there aren’t diamonds shiny enough to make me forget the bullshit he put you through. 

I hope you get what you want in life and find your happiness. With or without him

Post # 10
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

While the ring is beautiful the rest of the post reads very negative. I don’t know anything about your relationship but I haven’t ever come across someone still carrying resentment after getting the ring! Typically all that washes away..if it’s just the “waiting” resentment.. also don’t settle for being content that sounds miserable!

Post # 11
Member
2660 posts
Sugar bee

You sound very unhappy.  Are you sure you want to get married as opposed to having  ring you can a ring you can flash around?

Post # 13
Member
2225 posts
Buzzing bee

happybee45 :  bee, as a child of parents in a very unhappy marriage, “staying together for the kids” is not always the best option. you sound deflated and utterly miserable at knowing that he doesn’t really want to marry you—and you should be! you do not have to be the one that had to twist his arm to commit to and the one he’s settled for if that is not what you want out of your life. stop letting your life happen to you and take some control of your own future, bee!

you had 2 kids with him, and sure that probably wasn’t the best decision given the circumstance. but you’re not stuck with this life if it isn’t what you truly want. I strongly urge you to speak to a counselor and figure out how to gain some independence and control over how YOU want your future to look. he doesn’t have to be in it.

 

ETA: an engagement is supposed to be such a happy moment in your relationship, and your sense of deflation and apathy is very telling of what your future holds with this guy. he’s 50, for Christ’s sake. don’t expect him to change. your life doesn’t have to be void of romantic love and a partner who *enthusiastically* wants to spend his life with you. 

Post # 14
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

happybee45 :  but WHEN exactly is the marriage to actually take place OP? Has he told you he’ll marry you in the (as far off as possible) future; is the ring really just a gift of jewelry?

Post # 15
Member
8266 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I do hope it all works out OP. Perhaps, now he has actually ‘put a ring on it’ he might come to see that what he has is good and will last and that to his surprise he finds he is reconciled to marriage after all. 

I’m not surprised you sound deflated and are stressing the practicality rather than the romance . Just keep an eye on your feelings as it were. It may be that you get an epiphany and think, ‘ actually, fuck this, l don’t  need to settle’. Or it might be that you are all, kids too, happy enough after all. 

What about an actual wedding date btw? Are you ok with not having one, or will it just be more of the same, only with a ring?

 

 

happybee45 :  

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