Engaged after Brutal waiting

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

happybee45 :  “He isn’t proposing out of some passionate love for me or eager desire to commit to me”. Oh Bee that’s just sad. You will continue to live your life like this. No passion and no commitment. Because you choose to. We all told you that he wouldn’t propose before July 1st and he didn’t. And you still didn’t walk. Now he gave you a shut up and that is good enough for you. Because now you can say you are engaged? Well by god how romantic. So now you are willing to marry a man who doesn’t want to marry you. But you are ok with that because you have kids together. Just an fyi you will do more damage to those kids staying in an unhealthy marriage than you will not staying. Kids pick up on everything. They will see that their parents aren’t romantic, loving, passionate or caring about eachother. And guess what happens? They will treat their spouses the same way because that’s how they saw their parents treat each other. It’s important in a relationship to show love and passion for eachother. You will do more harm than good. Your update keeps getting worse.  

Post # 17
Member
890 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

How sad, bee. 

That’s a beautiful ring and a very ugly story. 

You’re engaged to a man who doesn’t *want* to marry you. You know that. Instead of deciding you deserve more, you’re showing yourself and your children how little you will accept. I hope you decide that you don’t want to marry this guy, for everyone’s sake. A man who doesn’t want to be married may not stay married (and shouldn’t). You deserve to be wanted. Your kids deserve a positive template for romantic love.

Good luck.

Post # 19
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

happybee45 :  hun, that’s a beautiful ring but that is hands down the saddest description of an engagement I’ve ever heard in my life. Please teach your kids better than that. And 37 is WAYY too young to settle for what you are settling for. You shouldn’t settle for what you are settling for at 97.

Post # 20
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

I don’t know you at all, but I just want to say that you deserve a lot more than this. Everyone deserves to feel loved and appreciated.

Post # 21
Member
2748 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

happybee45 :  I’m sorry but I seriously doubt it will *ever* happen. I don’t even know you but know you deserve so much more than this…. 

Post # 22
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee

happybee45 :  do you hear how melancholy you sound about your ENGAGEMENT?! girl…why do you feel like all you deserve is a man who is virtually being dragged down the aisle, kicking and screaming? why do you feel like you’re not deserving of romantic love, enthusiasm, affection, and someone who is damn PROUD to call you his wife and mother of his children? why are you settling for this? where the hell is your self-worth?! 

if being with this guy has eroded your self-esteem to the point you’re at now, you need to GTFO. if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your children. 

i want to give you the biggest hug while simultaneously gripping you by your shoulders and shaking you into awareness of your emotional state. you seem very self-aware, yet unaware of the magnitude of what you’re walking into!

Post # 23
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

happiekrappie :  My parents too. It sucks when parents just stay together for the kids.

Post # 24
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

happybee45 :  I am so happy for you!

 I’m in tears today after another argument over it last night and me telling him I was moving out in August. And the realisation of uprooting my children and the financial consequences.

He bought my ring in December, had counselling said it would be soon, but wants me to just wait. Then we fight and he says it puts him off. It’s all excuses, I know.

 I 100% know he loves me, I just can’t understand him not giving me the commitment I need. It is a very hard day .

i hope you get over ur waiting resentment x

Post # 25
Member
5412 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would love to say congratulations, but you sound miserable. I hope you’re able to find happiness 

Post # 26
Member
992 posts
Busy bee

reformed :  I hope you are planning on following through on moving out next month and not just making empty threats.

From what I remember of your original waiting post, I think you would be better off moving out and moving on. 

Post # 27
Member
992 posts
Busy bee

happybee45 :  tell him you’re going to the courthouse next week and can do the party another time. You have two children and a life together. 

I’m not sure why you’re willing to wait so long to make it official, especially with his history of ass-dragging. Haven’t you waited long enough just to be engaged?

Although….

You already dont trust that he will follow through. You say you are completely aware that he isn’t marrying you for love. I’m not sure what you’re even doing at this point if you are aware of that depressing fact and somehow still there. 

You are choosing to be with someone who isn’t crazy about you and you are forcing him to marry you anyway. Don’t be surprised when this theme continues in your marriage (if it ever happens) and eventually destroys it. 

Idk. This is just super depressing. Idk how you can plod along like this when you know he doesn’t want to be with you

Post # 28
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

neverbeenstungbee :  sadly, yes. If we weren’t leaving for an overseas trip on Friday I would move to a holiday house this week.

When I’ve moved out hopefully things become clearer for us. It’s very hard. I’m hurting today.

 

Post # 29
Member
2669 posts
Sugar bee

On your last post, I said you would be miserable even if he proposed & decided to marry you. You said you wouldn’t be miserable because you just wanted commitment. 

Yet here you are with an engagement ring and the commitment you wanted. And you’re miserable.

Time to do what’s best for you and your kids & leave.

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