Engaged after Brutal waiting

posted 3 months ago in Waiting
Post # 33
Member
5563 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

happybee45 :  the irony of telling someone else that they are selling themselves short after detailing how you know you accepted a shut it up ring and wish that he was excited to marry you

There is no happiness in this thread, it’s straight up sadness but I can’t help but point out the irony of you telling someone else to leave and not settle

You’re not stuck. Your children want a happy mother, not parents in a loveless marriage who resent each other

Post # 34
Member
5563 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

And I hate this “cautionary tale” nonsense, he would have dragged his feet even if you didn’t move in and give him babies. He doesn’t want to marry you.

I moved in and had a baby with my now husband and he still married the cow when he got the milk for free, that saying disgusts me by the way.

Have more respect for yourself than this

Post # 35
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

Sansa85 :  I 100% agree. That’s pretty hypocritical, OP.

Stop hiding behind your children as an excuse to stay. There is zero reason for you to stick around- you’re grasping at straws here. 

Post # 36
Member
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

happybee45 :  “I’m certain he would have been a lot more motivated to progress our relationship if I refused to live with him until he could commit. That is how his ex wife caught him. Lesson learned”

Oh come on! Lesson learned?  From what, a failed marriage?  Plenty of men propose even after moving in, it has nothing to do with living together before marriage and everything to do with the man and the relationship.

 

 

Post # 37
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

OP even if you don’t seem to know it, using your children as an excuse to stay in a shitty relationship will backfire– on them.  How would you feel if your mother treated you like an anchor in a terrible situation?  Why would you teach a young girl that once she has a child with a man, she’s stuck? Why would you want to teach a young boy that he can treat his partner with so little love and respect, but that she’ll stick around?   You’re signing those poor kids up for all kinds of issues.  

Home is where kids learn what love looks like.  If this crap isn’t good enough for your children, don’t raise them in it. 

Post # 38
Member
852 posts
Busy bee

Bee! Everything you’re saying is grounds for dismissal of this man! He had the ring since December and brought it to multiple destinations, but “couldn’t get himself to give it to me”?!?! WHAT! Girl, open your eyes! There are plenty of proposals that are handled like business agreements/with a lack of romance/passion/whatever and they are perfectly excited about them. Why in the world do you want to marry this man? I’ll answer: Because you had his children. Guess what? He sucks! And you’re doing yourself AND your children a disservice by staying with him. Not to mention, he is probably more miserable than you are recognizing, but he too feels stuck because of your children. Buck up and be a strong woman. This is situation is one no one wants to be in. It is HARD! But, you’re taking the easy way out that will lead you to the most miserable end.

Post # 39
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

Oh my…..

You may be ok w/ the lack of passion, but VERY FEW guys are in the long run.  Eventually, it will run its course and he will leave.  Then where are your children…..products of a painful divorce.  Please don’t do that to them.  Show them what a strong woman is today and stand firm in what you deserve and what you can be on your own if that’s what it comes to.  You settling for temporary mediocrity will do far more harm than good, to you and to them!

Post # 40
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Why would you want to be with a guy who believes in the “why buy the milk for free” philosophy? 

It’s just not true that all men are like this. Millions of couples live together and then get engaged without “brutal waiting.” 

Post # 42
Member
5563 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

happybee45 :  what does he say when you talk about going to the courthouse instead of saving for a wedding? Does he seem to be dragging his feet about getting married?

I don’t suggest marrying him, but I think he bought himself some time by finally giving you the “shut it up ring” (your admission, not my assumption) and you will be beating your head against a wall trying to figure out when you will actually get married

Post # 44
Member
2824 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

happybee45 :  hmmm in the thread earlier you said you wanted marriage at Christmas ie in 5  months. Now you’re saying *you* want next year?  Yeah no, you’re trying to convince yourself/ others? that you have some control  about if/when he will marry you. You don’t. He’s not ever going to do it. The ring is only meant to mollify/ shut you up or he would be willing to go to the courthouse with you, the mother of his children, TODAY. Yet he “couldn’t bear ” to give you the ring for months and months!  I’m sorry. Take your dignity back and make plans to leave. 

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