(Closed) Engaged after us but married before us

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes! I totally relate! We were together 5.5 years before getting engaged and are halfway through a 3 year engagement! It feels a little discouraging when I see people get engaged after being together a short time and then start wedding planning right after. Hang in there!

Post # 4
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

oh honey the longer you wait is all the better!  you cannot rush marriage!  why?  you will spend every day of your life with this person.  if you don’t know each other well it can end bad, very bad.  i knew my first husband all of five months and we got married. it only lasted a year and a half.  don’t be impatient, because you do have your whole life ahead of you dear.  god I sound OLD!!!!!  but it’s true what they say with age comes wisdom!

Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Everyone has their reasons for when they get married. Theirs is to have kids and not wait, yours is to save some money and wait. Neither are better or worse decisions.

At least be glad its not the weekend before or after your wedding! That happens to many people. 4 months is enough time that you will have plenty of excitement for your wedding.

Enjoy it! Really try to enjoy.

Post # 6
Hostess
11168 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I hear ya! My cousin got engaged six months after us and is getting married three months before us. Needless to say it has caused quite a bit of complications when it comes to our wedding.

At this point all I can do is try my best to make it all work.

Post # 7
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Other people aren’t rushing, you are just taking your time!  You can’t expect other people to put off their life goals because yours are taking awhile.  My sil got engaged before me and I got married before her.  I wasn’t racing her or in any competition with her, I chose the timing that was right for me.

Post # 8
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@miss_vanilla: I felt this way at first, but I’m soooo happy to have this engaged time, we’ll be married forever we can’t get this most special relationship classification back. I’ll be engaged for 22 months and I can’t wait to be his wife, but I love being his fiancee. Besides for them the wedding doesn’t seem to be a highlight, just the after.

Post # 9
Member
14402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Dont worry about anyone else…. just do what is right for you!  My SIL got engaged about 5 months after us and got married 6 months later, 3 months before us cause they didnt want to wait and wanted to start ttc after the wedding.  No big deal, her wedding had zero effect on mine and my life is still moving along at the pace I want it to.

Post # 10
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I can relate. Darling Husband and I were engaged for almost two and a half years, and I had two friends get engaged and married during that time, and one of them was already pregnant by the time our wedding rolled around.

Honestly though, although it irked me a bit that they got to have their weddings so soon when I had to wait so long for mine, I was too busy finishing grad school and enjoying the fact that I had actually met someone I wanted to marry (I’d become pretty anti-marriage before Darling Husband came along) that I coudn’t be too fussed to worry about them. And when DH’s and my day finally came, it was worth the wait.

Post # 11
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I only had a 10 month engagement as we wanted to get married as soon as we could plan a wedding, but I had a friend get engaged in March and married in July! We were bypassed by a couple of other couples too. It happens I guess… I was just excited to see lots of weddings before outs!

Post # 12
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Oh I totally relate to you. Fi’s cousin got engaged this past weekend, we’ve been engaged for a month but kept it a secret. She’s planning an october wedding while we’re having a december one. Not just that, by the time we announce our engagement it’ll be old news to everyone.. “oh well someone else’s getting married whats new?”

Post # 13
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can understand how you feel! My fiance and I have been together for almost 9 years, so I have heard a lot of “why aren’t you married yet?” We have had a super long engagment becasue we wanted to finish school and start careers and be able to have a nice life together as a married couple. People gave me a hard time about it for a while, but I learned to blow ot off and just be happy with our life and our decision. I know it is easier said then done! But hang in there, it gets better!   

Post # 14
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I can definitely relate to this! Fiance & I are having exactly a 24 month long engagment and it feels like the wedding is sooo far away.  There have been MANY couples around us, including his cousin, who have gotten engaged after us and are getting married before us.  I am COMPLETELY thrilled for them believe me, but I definitely feel jealous sometimes and wish that ours could be sooner.  I know with long engagements this probably happens all the time, but I relate to the wishing your own wedding was sooner.  Hang in there, you are not alone!

Post # 15
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

No. We’re in the midst of a 20 month engagement and just went to a wedding of a couple who got engaged after us (4 months) and married before us (6 months). I couldn’t care less. I’m not upset with how long our engagement is and I don’t care how long anyone else’s engagement is. I really don’t understand this whole vent/frustration.

Post # 16
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I understand the frustration — trust me, I do. We dated for two years before getting formally engaged, and will have been engaged for four years by the time we get married, so FH and I have seen a TON of college year-mates, high school friends, cousins, etc. start dating, get engaged, and marry in the span of time that we’ve been together. And we still have over a year of engagement yet! But…that’s what happens when you have a long engagement. You can’t expect other people to have an equally as long one (because lots of people view 6 months as a good, average-length engagement) in order to skirt stepping on your toes.

Now, that’s not to say that you can’t vent about it (because, like I said, I get it — it IS frustrating!), but I certainly hope you don’t let this poison your relationship with your FH’s friends. : /

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