Post # 1
I know similar posts have already been posted on this topic but I need to have my turn to vent. I realise this is probably going to sound really pathetic and silly and I don’t know why I feel like this but I just can’t make it go away.
My fiance and I got engaged a few months ago after a long wait for me to get engaged. We have been together for 3 and a half years and been through alot together. A year and a half ago we moved cities so that my fiancé could start studying for his dream career (to help us in the future). It was quite a sacrifice for me to move with him but I felt it was worth it to be with him. We have now been living together here for a year and a half and everything is going really well despite a huge experience we went through with a natural disaster here which was really stressful on us.
Anyway, we are having a 20 month long engagement period due to our financial situation (with my fiancé studying etc) and we want a summer wedding. Recently my fiance’s best friend just got engaged (after only being with his fiancé for about 6 months) and they have announced that they will be having their wedding 4 months before ours (in 11 months time). They said they want to have kids etc and don’t see the point in waiting any longer. That’s fine, and there is no reason why they should wait, but I can’t help feeling annoyed when people get engaged after us and married before us. They have had a really fast moving relationship, haven’t lived together, and everything has been all easy for them and it really annoys me for some reason. I feel like I’ve had to be so patient and my wedding day feels so far away. I know we will eventually get there but sometimes it feels like its never going to happen. I too really want kids but have to wait until we are at least married first, and it just upsets me when other people rush in and go and beat me to it. I know that sounds so silly because it shouldn’t be a race and what does it matter? But it feels like they are trying to steal away our limelight kind of and go and do it before us. I want to be happy for them as they are our friends but all I keep thinking about is how unfair it is on me.
Everyone acts like our wedding day is ages away and are all like “why are you waiting so long?”The reality is we have to have a long engagement because that’s the only way it will work for us in the situation that we are in. It just really annoys me but I feel like it shouldn’t.
Do any other long engagement brides every feel like this? How can I stop feeling like this and stop being so impatient?
Post # 3
Yes! I totally relate! We were together 5.5 years before getting engaged and are halfway through a 3 year engagement! It feels a little discouraging when I see people get engaged after being together a short time and then start wedding planning right after. Hang in there!
Post # 4
oh honey the longer you wait is all the better! you cannot rush marriage! why? you will spend every day of your life with this person. if you don’t know each other well it can end bad, very bad. i knew my first husband all of five months and we got married. it only lasted a year and a half. don’t be impatient, because you do have your whole life ahead of you dear. god I sound OLD!!!!! but it’s true what they say with age comes wisdom!
Post # 5
Everyone has their reasons for when they get married. Theirs is to have kids and not wait, yours is to save some money and wait. Neither are better or worse decisions.
At least be glad its not the weekend before or after your wedding! That happens to many people. 4 months is enough time that you will have plenty of excitement for your wedding.
Enjoy it! Really try to enjoy.
Post # 6
I hear ya! My cousin got engaged six months after us and is getting married three months before us. Needless to say it has caused quite a bit of complications when it comes to our wedding.
At this point all I can do is try my best to make it all work.
Post # 7
Other people aren’t rushing, you are just taking your time! You can’t expect other people to put off their life goals because yours are taking awhile. My sil got engaged before me and I got married before her. I wasn’t racing her or in any competition with her, I chose the timing that was right for me.
Post # 8
@miss_vanilla: I felt this way at first, but I’m soooo happy to have this engaged time, we’ll be married forever we can’t get this most special relationship classification back. I’ll be engaged for 22 months and I can’t wait to be his wife, but I love being his fiancee. Besides for them the wedding doesn’t seem to be a highlight, just the after.
Post # 9
Dont worry about anyone else…. just do what is right for you! My SIL got engaged about 5 months after us and got married 6 months later, 3 months before us cause they didnt want to wait and wanted to start ttc after the wedding. No big deal, her wedding had zero effect on mine and my life is still moving along at the pace I want it to.
Post # 10
I can relate. DH and I were engaged for almost two and a half years, and I had two friends get engaged and married during that time, and one of them was already pregnant by the time our wedding rolled around.
Honestly though, although it irked me a bit that they got to have their weddings so soon when I had to wait so long for mine, I was too busy finishing grad school and enjoying the fact that I had actually met someone I wanted to marry (I’d become pretty anti-marriage before DH came along) that I coudn’t be too fussed to worry about them. And when DH’s and my day finally came, it was worth the wait.
Post # 11
I only had a 10 month engagement as we wanted to get married as soon as we could plan a wedding, but I had a friend get engaged in March and married in July! We were bypassed by a couple of other couples too. It happens I guess… I was just excited to see lots of weddings before outs!
Post # 12
Oh I totally relate to you. Fi’s cousin got engaged this past weekend, we’ve been engaged for a month but kept it a secret. She’s planning an october wedding while we’re having a december one. Not just that, by the time we announce our engagement it’ll be old news to everyone.. “oh well someone else’s getting married whats new?”
Post # 13
I can understand how you feel! My fiance and I have been together for almost 9 years, so I have heard a lot of “why aren’t you married yet?” We have had a super long engagment becasue we wanted to finish school and start careers and be able to have a nice life together as a married couple. People gave me a hard time about it for a while, but I learned to blow ot off and just be happy with our life and our decision. I know it is easier said then done! But hang in there, it gets better!
Post # 14
I can definitely relate to this! Fiance & I are having exactly a 24 month long engagment and it feels like the wedding is sooo far away. There have been MANY couples around us, including his cousin, who have gotten engaged after us and are getting married before us. I am COMPLETELY thrilled for them believe me, but I definitely feel jealous sometimes and wish that ours could be sooner. I know with long engagements this probably happens all the time, but I relate to the wishing your own wedding was sooner. Hang in there, you are not alone!
Post # 15
No. We’re in the midst of a 20 month engagement and just went to a wedding of a couple who got engaged after us (4 months) and married before us (6 months). I couldn’t care less. I’m not upset with how long our engagement is and I don’t care how long anyone else’s engagement is. I really don’t understand this whole vent/frustration.
Post # 16
I understand the frustration — trust me, I do. We dated for two years before getting formally engaged, and will have been engaged for four years by the time we get married, so FH and I have seen a TON of college year-mates, high school friends, cousins, etc. start dating, get engaged, and marry in the span of time that we’ve been together. And we still have over a year of engagement yet! But…that’s what happens when you have a long engagement. You can’t expect other people to have an equally as long one (because lots of people view 6 months as a good, average-length engagement) in order to skirt stepping on your toes.
Now, that’s not to say that you can’t vent about it (because, like I said, I get it — it IS frustrating!), but I certainly hope you don’t let this poison your relationship with your FH’s friends. : /