(Closed) Engaged after us but married before us

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
897 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think they’re necessarily trying to race you, some people’s relationships just move at that pace. It bothers me that you’re saying they don’t deserve to get married before you because they’ve only been together 6 months.

Post # 19
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I had one friend get engaged, married, and damn near have two kids by the time DH and I got married.

You have to laugh after a while. Heck, even the Prince of Wales got engaged and married before me. I threw up my hands at that one.

Post # 20
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I feel you!  In the end we will have an 18 month long engagement.  We have seen people get engaged, get married and also seen two of those engagements end.  Eek.  Life PP said this is the only time you get to be a fiance.  You have forever to be a wife!  Enjoy this time because you get to be “the bride” longer and once their day is over you are still the bride-to be. 😉

Also reminds me of waiting to get engaged.  There was a couple that met after us, got engaged and divorced before we got engaged. LOL.  Awe… Sad.

Post # 21
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m from the club of girls who had to wait a while for their ring. I feel you..I really do. But I also think when you wait a while for the engagement, you tend to have a longer engagement because you want the wedding the way you want it too. 

Every relationship is different. I envy girls who didn’t live with their Fiance and got their ring sooner. I think I made a mistake by living with my Fiance before getting that ring. I think it does delay marriage…but no regrets! Everyone gets there in their own time…in their own way. Some people don’t want to make a ‘to do’ with their wedding and simply want to get it done emmediatley…and some (like me and you) want the situation to be ideal. It will never be completley ideal…but like you said, you will get there.

=)

Congrats.

Post # 22
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This may be a big surprise not only for you but for many brides that most of your guests, other than your immediate friends and family, will only give you their undivided attention for one day… that being your wedding day.  Every other day, their lives go on as they did before.  There is no limelight to steal, unless they tried to have their wedding on the very same day.  I get that you can’t help the way you feel, and being jealous or frustrated is normal, but there has to also be a part of you that realizes that it’s unfair to judge the someone else’s relationship because it moved faster than yours or because they are in a different place in their lives than you are.  I think it’s fine for you to vent, but I seriously you hope you don’t hold hard feelings towards them.  I think they would be shocked to know that you feel this way.  They are every bit as entitled to their wedding as you are yours.  And after your wedding, guess what… life moves on!  And your guests will move on a lot sooner.

Post # 23
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
@fembride045: This! Everyone is entitled to get married how they see fit and it has nothing to do with you.

Enjoy your engagement. The time will go by faster than you think.

Post # 24
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

See, I always worry about this because my cousin got engaged first, but I got married first. She and her Fiance are waiting til he’s done with med school and so it will probably be a few years before they get the ball rolling on serious wedding planning. DH and I had immigration to contend with, and they only give you 6 months to tie the knot once you’re through all the horrific red tape to be in the same country!

I hope she doesn’t resent me for it, I do worry that she does!

But try not to, for the sake of your friendships! I had some very close friends resent my decision to get engaged, move country, and get married and it’s led to a complete death of the friendships. Half of them did not even send a virtual “congrats”. And some are even still making snide passive-aggressive FB posts about it to each other, mocking my wedding and my choices. It’s an ugly, ugly beast, try to crush it now, as a PP was right on point in that there’s no limelight to steal!

Post # 25
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can relate!  It took almost 5 years of dating before we got engaged and we are having an 18 month long engagement.  I can count right not at least 5 people I know who will get engaged AND married within just our engagement time.  Some of these people are only a week or 2 ahead of us at the end of May and we are the beginning of June.  But the thing is, everyone else’s timeline for life doesn’t matter.  We are doing what works for us on a date we like.  FI always says “we’re doing this the smart way.”  For once, he is right.  ha.  We’re waiting until I’m done with school, he has saved a little money and he’s a teacher so we waited for a time where we could always take a vacation in the summer.

You will only get to call someone your fiance once.  (hopefully).  Enjoy it.  You have the rest of your lives to be married.

Post # 26
Member
23589 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I didn’t even have a long engagement (27 months). My bridesmaid got engaged 3 months after us, and was married 2 months before us.  I chose to make the best of the situation, and we ended up having a great time planning our weddings side by side.  She wasn’t always easy going, but then again, neither was I.  My advice is just to try to make the best of every situation – more than one girl is allowed to be a bride at once, and it will be okay!

Post # 27
Member
2413 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I hear your frusteration! We are having a year and a half long engagement due to financial issues…we have close friends who got engaged after us and are getting married long before us…the thing is, it doesn’t bother me at all! Every relationship moves at its own pace, and one has nothing to do with the other. Try to spend time focusing on your wedding planning and your relationship…and then consider yourself lucky – the more weddings you attend before yours – the more great ideas you can get for your own!

Post # 28
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

 

View original reply
@Miss Orchard: Ditto on everything especially getting ideas from the weddings you attend before your own.

 

When Fiance and I started thinking of a possible wedding date we already agreed we would have a long engagement because of school and establishing ourseleves after graduation. Our engagement will be for 22 months. Our parents were happy we decided to give ourselves ample time to focus on the most important things and not get round up on the wedding planning before finishing grad school. I had no problem with the long engagement (in fact, I wanted a long engagement) until we told our friends our wedding date and they would answer “why are you waiting so long?’. I tried to brush them off and I started to question my decision on having a long engagement when an acquaintance got engaged 4 months after us and is getting married 6 months before us. This frustrated me but I quickly realized that none of it mattered. Fiance and I decided to have a long engagement for good reasons and ultimately, we are going to get married and have enough time for everything (I’ll be 26 and Fiance will be 28 when we are married). I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and it will be at the right moment. As far as the acquaintance getting married before us, she too had reasons to push for a shorter engagement which was because her Fiance would have a flexible schedule on the month they have scheduled their wedding and that she wanted to be married before she turned 30.

Post # 30
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Im sorry, you cant others to slow down their lives to your pace, a workmate (not even really a friend) of mine waited and waited to get engaged, 6 years, then finally got engaged in september, she took her time planning her engagement party and choose her theme etc, by december she had not set a date.

Anyway she was really angry with me when i came back from xmas and found that i had got egaged to my BF of less than a year (she said it wasnt fair i had not done my time) what did she want me to say, not yet ask in five years, and to upset her more we had already chosen a date (exactly 1 year to the day after our engagement) she was upset because she wanted to get married about a week after that, and although she had not booked anything i should wait because she get engaged first! 

Well as it worked out she finally booked her wedding about three months after i did for ten days after and its all my fault. Now she just throws nasty remarks at me and is nasty, she is not invited to my wedding!

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