(Closed) Engaged after us but married before us

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
1088 posts
Bumble bee

@miss_vanilla: Hi, sorry you feel like that..

I am on the “GUILTY” side I guess, on this issue. my friend who is also my Bridesmaid or Best Man got engaged 2 months prior to me and her wedding isn’t until next august. Even though my FI propsed after her proposal , we had been talking about it for a looong time. we want to get married soon for some personal reasons but we’re not trying to steal the lime light from anyone.. my wedding and my friend’s are equally important.

no one is going to sit around and plan their wedding according to your timeline, sorry but it’s true.. if one of my friends got engaged now and wanted to get married before me.. sure it’d be a little annoying but each person has got their own life and issues going on. they still think we’re important but they’re not going to put their life on hold because we have a wedding date set.

don’t let it get to you too much πŸ™‚ your wedding day will come!

Post # 34
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@miss_vanilla:I do feel sad for you having to wait, that must be hard, but it is the rught thing to do. 

I am lucky that i have not had to wait, ill have been with Fiance just under 2 years.

I hope that after waiting so long you get your dream wedding!

Post # 35
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I know just how you feel.

I met my Fiance in 5/2008, but we didn’t start dating until 8/2008. My best friend had started dating her boyfriend (now husband) in 7/2008 and she moved away in August to go to school in Mass. She and him did long distance for 10 months. 9/2009 they got engaged. I was happy for her, but sad. My Fiance and I had an amazing relationship. We have been through a lot (financially, emotionally, etc). I could not help but feel resentful.

My Fiance and I started living together a few weeks into our relationship. We had no secrets, nothing to hide, and knew practically everything there was to know about each other because we just didn’t care to hide anything…it was all in the past anyway. We didn’t want secrets. She on the other hand had lost her virginity wiht him to get it over with, broken up with him for a month while doing long distance because he was too clingy and she found out he was writing other girls on myspace….girls he hooked up with in the past..telling them he missed them, flirting, and insinuating things. They even were like don’t you have a “wifey” and he’s like I don’t know what youre talking about. While they were together and she was gone for a month on a missionary trip he was trying to hang out with these girls. He and her barely knew each other….(she even came to me crying about this last year because he doesn’t even know how to make her happy…doesn’t know her favorite kinds of flowers,etc. I just sat there thinking…how is this possible? How is this girl getting married before I am and she does not know a THING about him. (I found out from someone who knew him prior to when he was dating her and told me that he was lying to her..like everything he told her was a lie. He told her he was very Christian…he never even went to church or opened a bible. Told her he only slept with a few girls… when in fact he slept with over 20 and apparently lost count….she even found a pair of girls earrings in his bedroom while they were engaged).

He even had the nerve to ask me why are we waiting so long for our wedding since they got married less than 2 years after they started dating? I was furious! These things about his lying did not come out til after the wedding and she was considering divorce….lets not compare relationships here!! hahaha

I just think ultimately it’s better to wait. It’s not a race. Take your time. I compare our relationships and I’m glad that I’m waiting to marry him and taking our time. We know lots about them and comparing our relationships, ours is much better off because it was based on honesty.

Oh and also I have a 17 month engagement and this couple was engaged in Sept 2009 and eloped in Jan 2010 (after planning her wedding….her family was furious..they already didn’t like him) At the time in which they got married again (in a church) I wasn’t even engaged when the whole “why are you waiting so long to get married. Maybe cause I don’t think there is a rush

Post # 36
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I know exactly how you feel, and I’m still waiting for the ring! It’s so hard to feel like it’s not a race, especially when people are getting engaged/married all around you!

I’m so glad we have Wedding Bee for this very reason!!!

Post # 43
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I guess I’m one of guilty parties too.  SO’s brother got engaged a few months ago and they are planning their wedding for next October.  However, SO and I would like to start TTC about that time.  That means we will be married by then.  But we’re not even officially engaged yet (but have been talking about it for a few months).  So it will be a very short official engagement.  It’s a second marriage for both of us, so it won’t be the same big event that theirs is though.  I really hope that this doesn’t upset his brother’s Fiance.  I think it will help that they live 900 miles away too.

I think that you should look at thier situation.  In my case, SO and I are both older and have been married before.  It’s absolutely more practical for us to go ahead and get married before either of us get too old.  If it weren’t for that reason we might have considered holding off until after his brother’s wedding. 

Post # 44
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

As with about half of the responses here, I know just how you feel. First I was jealous of what seemed like everyone I’m friends with on FB getting engaged before me. Then I did get engaged and love being a fiancee and can’t wait to be a wife. And I am so happy for so many people that have gotten engaged after me, but I definitely have been feeling the “green-eyed monster” when I find out that some people are getting married before us.

My finace and I decided on a long engagement (25 months) because he just graduated college in May of ’11 and he didn’t want to be planning a wedding and finishing up school all at the same time, plus he wanted to get a “big boy” job so we could save more for our wedding.

It first started bothering me when my fiance’s good friend from college got engaged in May ’11 and they’ve set their date for May ’12. Yes, they’ve been dating for 5 and a half years and we were only together for 2.5 when we got engaged, but I really wanted to get married before her.

Then, Monday of this week I found out that my douche of an ex has all of a sudden changed his mind and instead of getting married in May of 2013 he’s getting married 8 days before me. Like my fiance’s friend, they’ve been together like 5 years, but they got engaged like 2 months after I did and are now getting married before me. I was LIVID when his brother (whom I’m still really good friends with) texted me to tell me. I know I’m crazy and completely overreacting, but for some reason it pissed me off. I’m mostly over it now, but I definitely felt the same way!!

You’ll be fine! πŸ™‚ We all will! πŸ™‚

Post # 45
1278 posts
Bumble bee

I will most likely be one of the people doing this as well.  My SO and I both prefer short engagements, and plan to marry within 6-8 months after we are offically engaged.  And I have A LOT of friends that have been engaged for a while and have wedding pretty far off yet.  So if I’m one of these brides, it won’t be because we are trying to steal thunder, we just prefer short engagements and odn’t want to put out life on hold because a friend is also getting married.

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