<u>jaydee824 :</u> Ok I am posting from my anonymous account for obvious reasons… I am still marrying my man who did this exact thing.
Before other bees bash me, call me stupid or niave… I have to say, I felt like I would be all of those things if I stayed, but here is why I did…
I just KNEW he would put this behind him. I dont know how I really knew, it wasn’t because he cried and pleaded, because he did, but it was probably because he made the change right away. I’m not explaining this right.
So, my fiance had a past before me, he did porn to pay the bills. His life was very sexualized and his sexuality/body was the way he survived for a while. And when we met, his hightened sexual drive carried over into our relationship. Even though we were very much into each other and did it like bunnies (sorry TMI), I did not satisfy his urge. He turned to CL because that is what he would do in between reltionships in the past.
When I found out, I was DEVISTATED! I wanted to break up, and we did for a a while so I can clear my head. Anyway, I thought about it and decided I would give him a chance but watch him like a hawk. He deleted the email account that was associated with CL. He deleted his Facebook (he had old “coworkers” on there). I had access to the new email we created together. And I was allowed to check his phone whenever I chose to.
The first few months were hard but I didnt have to check on him for long cuz I never found anything past that day. No he did not have a secret email account or phone, he really did stop it all, we lived together and I checked everything! Its been almost 2 years. He’s been going to therapy. We’re now engaged, and I havent had to check up after him at all because I know without a shadow of a doubt that he has stopped. I am not saying your fiance will be like mine right away, cold turkey. So i think the wedding does need to be postponed until you can trust him again. But I wouldnt say give up right now, yes he cheated (we both recognized that him seeking sexual arousal from a live person who answers back not just porn, is cheating), but he can change if he truly feels like not losing you is much more important to him than this “habit”.
If your man is a good man except for this flaw, I would say give it a chance. BUT do not be niave and assume he’s stopped. He has to prove it and right now! He needs to delete this addiction from his life cold turkey, otherwise, you will end up heart broken if you choose to stay. Good luck bee!